Be My Friend

They're worried about what other people are thinking, when the people they're worrying about are worried about the same thing. It makes me laugh. - Gibson Praise

When I was in elementary school, there was a girl whom everyone wanted to be friends with. I'll call her Annie.

I don't remember ever deciding "I'm going to be friends with Annie." I just always was. We started school the same year and we were both friendly kindergartners and we got along well. But there were others whose goal in life was to be friends with her. She seemed so self-assured, so perfect, so right that all the other little girls and even some of the boys wanted to follow her around in order that her unusual "coolness" might somehow be transferred over to them as well.

As the years went by, I started to somehow see myself as less than Annie. That she was doing me a favor by being my friend, inviting me to her parties, letting me sit next to her. As her popularity soared, I fell into an awkward phase that changed my personality from easy-going and friendly to somewhat more reserved and unsure.

It wasn't really about Annie. I don't remember her ever saying or doing anything specifically to make me feel that way. But even as I felt less and less comfortable around the one who had started out as my closest friend, my definition of friend evolved. Even if Annie was a little distant and surrounded by admiring followers, I had other friends who loved me and accepted me just the way I was. When I ran down the street to my neighborhood chum's house or spent time with my "other" sisters I've mentioned previously, I was always me. No pretense, no code of conduct required. I wasn't perfect, and neither were they.

I'm not sure why I feel the same way at thirty-three. I should be able to talk to other women and understand that they are not judging me, sizing me up, wishing they were somewhere else or anxious to get away from me. In fact, it surprised me to hear last week when I said how hard it was for me to talk to people in person, a lot of you agreed with me. More than one person said "I could have written that exact same post."

Isn't it a little ironic that we are all stressing out over what other people think of us as we socialize? What's the point of worrying about what someone else thinks when they are only worried about the same thing? Obviously, they are too busy worrying to judge!

I guess the point is that it's way past time to stop worrying about what you all think of me when we talk in person. There's no reason to labor over what I said wrong or what I should have said or how I could have looked better when I said it... it's ridiculous.

So next time you talk to me, remind me to be honest and be myself, and promise me that you are doing the same thing. Enough with the pretense. Let's just be real.

I'm excited for the way my opening up on this blog is causing the people I know to be more open. I've even got two acceptances on my request for dinner guests! I'm looking forward to learning more about how this whole friendship thing works.

I think we get scared that if someone gets to know us too well, they will see all our flaws. And that's a valid concern. But we all have flaws. And you really can't call someone a friend until you've known them well enough to be a little annoyed by them. To have an argument. To challenge their thinking, and to have your own ways challenged.

My neighborhood chum no longer lives in the same time zone, and my "other" sisters are in another state. So go ahead. Challenge me. Annoy me.

You know, be my friend.