Book Learning and Such

Homeschoolers are funny.

No, not funny as in really weird, detached from reality, socially awkward. Just funny.

Let me apologize for my absence. I had every intention of writing while we were vacationing in Williamsburg this past week. I was so tired at the end of every day I didn't touch the computer.

Anyway, I was telling you about funny homeschoolers. We went to Williamsburg this past week while they were having their home education week. There were about twenty homeschoolers in one of our tours. There was no listless staring off into space with arms folded across chests here. Children which ranged in age from kindergartners to high schoolers listened with rapt attention, arms shooting up to answer or ask questions on a regular basis. I think this was a little disconcerting to the guide, who was probably used to glazed over silence. But as she talked next to a field of sheep, one of the sheep got a little curious and decided to come over and investigate. No kidding - every single one of those kids did the exact same thing. A mass migration suddenly moved from the disconcerted tour guide to the sheep in one quick moment. She seemed a little perturbed - probably being used to classes of kids who are expected to stand and listen and not get out of line. But what she didn't realize is that they weren't being disrespectful at all - they were just really excited about learning. And they are used to learning in this way - whatever comes across their path they seize upon and understand it.

All that to say that I think homeschooling is a great idea. That must be why I do it. But it wasn't why I did it at first. When I started our homeschooling journey three years ago, it was because I didn't feel I had any other options. The private school our church housed had closed. Public school scared me witless, having never darkened their halls in all my educational career. I felt a duty to see to it that they learned the correct things, and had an education based on God's Word.

Overwhelmed, I jumped in. And I made mistakes and changed my mind over this way or that method and there were a lot of days I barely got anything done besides, but somewhere between preschool and second grade, I fell in love with teaching my children.

And the reasons I did it in the first place deepened. I realized that it wasn't so much sheltering them from ideas but exposing them to many ideas, holding the candle of the Bible to every one and seeing what held water and what blew smoke. I began to see all the time I would have missed if they were gone every day for so many hours. It occur ed to me that I was learning right along with them, and that the world was starting to take on a different shape in my own mind as well.

I've watched Eldest and now Secondborn enjoy the art of learning. There are no preconceived notions brought on by traditions or expectations of teachers and other classmates. They've never heard it isn't cool to enjoy learning new things. No one ever told them they have to be quiet, so they ask questions freely. They don't have to hurry to catch up or slow to the pace of thirty other kids their own age, so they are never bored or self-conscious.

I was always worried that they would become social outcasts because of a lack of exposure to other children. It has been the complete opposite. They aren't afraid of other kids, so they befriend others easily. They are also very comfortable around adults without that kids vs. adults mentality, so they have many strong relationships with family, friends and neighbors. To be quite honest, I just don't have any reservations about their social interactions anymore.

Homeschooling is a big commitment. I fully know that it takes a lot of time that some people just don't have no matter how much they'd like to. I would never dare to suggest that because I homeschool my kids, I am at liberty to judge others who don't. I'm only sharing my story, in case there might be that reader who feels the call to begin this journey and lacks only the courage.

Don't be afraid!

Homeschooling saves money. Homeschoolers learn to work hard, teach themselves, respect others and excel in the areas they are gifted. They learn to teach younger children, follow their interests and apply knowledge on a daily basis. They grow up relatively free from bullying, peer pressure and distrust of adults.

What are your thoughts? Disagree? Want a chance to voice your opinion about why you have chosen public or private school? Have at it!

Be My Friend

They're worried about what other people are thinking, when the people they're worrying about are worried about the same thing. It makes me laugh. - Gibson Praise

When I was in elementary school, there was a girl whom everyone wanted to be friends with. I'll call her Annie.

I don't remember ever deciding "I'm going to be friends with Annie." I just always was. We started school the same year and we were both friendly kindergartners and we got along well. But there were others whose goal in life was to be friends with her. She seemed so self-assured, so perfect, so right that all the other little girls and even some of the boys wanted to follow her around in order that her unusual "coolness" might somehow be transferred over to them as well.

As the years went by, I started to somehow see myself as less than Annie. That she was doing me a favor by being my friend, inviting me to her parties, letting me sit next to her. As her popularity soared, I fell into an awkward phase that changed my personality from easy-going and friendly to somewhat more reserved and unsure.

It wasn't really about Annie. I don't remember her ever saying or doing anything specifically to make me feel that way. But even as I felt less and less comfortable around the one who had started out as my closest friend, my definition of friend evolved. Even if Annie was a little distant and surrounded by admiring followers, I had other friends who loved me and accepted me just the way I was. When I ran down the street to my neighborhood chum's house or spent time with my "other" sisters I've mentioned previously, I was always me. No pretense, no code of conduct required. I wasn't perfect, and neither were they.

I'm not sure why I feel the same way at thirty-three. I should be able to talk to other women and understand that they are not judging me, sizing me up, wishing they were somewhere else or anxious to get away from me. In fact, it surprised me to hear last week when I said how hard it was for me to talk to people in person, a lot of you agreed with me. More than one person said "I could have written that exact same post."

Isn't it a little ironic that we are all stressing out over what other people think of us as we socialize? What's the point of worrying about what someone else thinks when they are only worried about the same thing? Obviously, they are too busy worrying to judge!

I guess the point is that it's way past time to stop worrying about what you all think of me when we talk in person. There's no reason to labor over what I said wrong or what I should have said or how I could have looked better when I said it... it's ridiculous.

So next time you talk to me, remind me to be honest and be myself, and promise me that you are doing the same thing. Enough with the pretense. Let's just be real.

I'm excited for the way my opening up on this blog is causing the people I know to be more open. I've even got two acceptances on my request for dinner guests! I'm looking forward to learning more about how this whole friendship thing works.

I think we get scared that if someone gets to know us too well, they will see all our flaws. And that's a valid concern. But we all have flaws. And you really can't call someone a friend until you've known them well enough to be a little annoyed by them. To have an argument. To challenge their thinking, and to have your own ways challenged.

My neighborhood chum no longer lives in the same time zone, and my "other" sisters are in another state. So go ahead. Challenge me. Annoy me.

You know, be my friend.

Bear Another's Burden

"To love is not to wish good for another person, it is to bear another's burden; that is, to bear what is painful for you and that which you do not bear naturally." - Martin Luther

This quote hangs in my kitchen. It has for the entire time this has been my home. I need this reminder.

Above is a picture from my rehearsal dinner, the night before my wedding. In this picture are the closest friends I have, save for MacGyver. All four of these people have been in my life since my earliest memories. We went to the same church, we went to the same school for our entire childhood. Two of them are my actual blood-relation sisters. The other two may as well be.

At relationships such as these - I'm pretty comfortable. We can laugh until we cry, we can share our deepest, darkest secrets, we can finish each other's sentences... there's no awkwardness. I guess the best way I could say it is that when I am with any of these people, I don't worry about what they think of me. I'm just me. They can take it or leave it, and since they've been taking it for 30+ years, I'm pretty sure they will keep it up.

As far as the rest of the world goes, I have a hard time feeling at ease. I love to watch people, I love to study them and figure out what makes them tick. If I could spend all day behind a one-way window and watch everyone without them seeing me I'd have a blast. And admittedly, if all the world were Facebook, I'd be the most outgoing, honest person you ever met. It's when I'm face to face with someone and I have to try to think of something intelligent to say while the whole time I inwardly obsess about what they are thinking of my appearance, my lack of wit and social skills... well, my tongue gets tied up in knots and I end up feeling like an idiot later after I've rehearsed all the different ways I could have handled that conversation.

But MacGyver and I agree on this - we want to have closer relationships with people. We really have it good. Our neighbors are all wonderful people, we enjoy being with family, and we've got lots of really great... acquaintances. But we want more. We want the kind of friends that are willing to stick with you when you're at your ugliest, when you can't give anything back. And we want to learn to do that for others as well.

So if you are one of our many really great acquaintances, (and I know you're reading - thank you for bothering to take the time both to read it and to let me know) we want you to know that we are ready to go out on a limb and form closer friendships. To learn how not to put on a front and be real. Be ourselves. Let other people see the fears we have about relationships. Let the iron of other people sharpen us to be better people, not just people who have enough social skill to maintain a cheerful conversation with you in the aisle at the grocery store or to wave across the street at you when we're out gardening.

This is a scary thing. That's probably why more and more people can't get past the surface relationships. But we're all missing out. I KNOW we're missing out, because I know how wonderful it is to have people who know me inside and out. But something tells me there should be more than there are.

So our goal for this next year is to make new friends, build deeper friendships and learn what true friendship is really all about.

If you know me, let me know when you and your family can come over for dinner. And I am not joking.

If you don't know me, then why don't you put yourself out there and make a new friend today?

And as for my dear dear sisters, thank you all for your friendships that have stood the battering of rough waters, and sailed through the highest seas with me. I love you all!