Glittering Pebbles

"We heap around us things that we do not need as the crow makes piles of glittering pebbles." - Laura Ingalls Wilder

She was born in 1867. I was born in 1976. Nevertheless, I grew up alongside Laura. It is lost to time how many trips through her books I made, watching her determined pioneer spirit and learning her way of appreciating simplicity and the true treasures in life.

The quote above is found in her later writings, compiled in "Little House in the Ozarks." She goes on to say "I believe we would be happier to have a personal revolution in our individual lives and go back to simpler living and more direct thinking. It is the simple things of life that make living worthwhile, the sweet fundamental things such as love and duty, work and rest, and living close to nature. There are no hothouse blossoms that can compare in beauty and fragrance with my bouquet of wildflowers."

Love. Duty. Work. Rest. Nature. I inwardly long for a life such as the one she describes. We could live with so much less than we have and be happier. Some of the more cynical among you would remind me that living the pioneer life meant living without indoor plumbing, without central air, without computers and cell phones. It meant hard work. Very hard work. Hard work that had you up with the dawn and in bed with the sunset. Yes, it would be a very different life. We would have to be different people.

But I can imagine the satisfaction MacGyver would have building his own house from the pines he cut and hauled to the mill himself. The pleasure it would be for him to have his sons trail after him as he went about his work, teaching them and preparing them to be hard workers themselves. I can imagine what a wonderful feeling it would be to grow a garden full of fruits and vegetables with my girls, or expertly kneed and bake our own bread, or sew instead of surf the Internet, and read instead of clicking on the tv.

Life would be harder. But life would mean more.

I am glad that we have modern conveniences. I like facebook's way of reuniting me with every person I've ever known. I enjoy blogging. It's awfully handy to be able to google anything and get an immediate answer to a question. I am relieved to know that my family has access to antibiotics and emergency medical care if it is needed. Cars come in handy when you've got aways to go.

But all of this costs money. And time. And maybe just a little part of ourselves that was made for simpler things. What does this earth not provide for us that we had to create such a complicated system to sustain our lives?

Chances are I'll never get to live Laura's simple life. But maybe I can begin to take the steps in that direction, and someday, somehow, my children or my children's children could find their way back.

So the question becomes, what can we live without?

The answer, I suspect, is much.

Excellence Vs. Perfection

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.
- Harriet Braiker

Let's just get the confessions over with, shall we? I admit it. I'm sitting here at 11:03 pm eating my dinner. Actually, we'll call it my breakfast, lunch and dinner, because it's basically the only meal I've had today. Breakfast was a protein bar on the go. Lunch I had to choose between feeding myself or feeding my two month old. He won, of course. I got by on a chicken nugget and a piece of string cheese. I munched a little while I made and served supper late, and somehow I squeezed in my exercise while the baby cried and now here I am.

I'm such a whiner. At least my dinner is leftover broccoli, salmon and quinoa. (That's pronounced "Keen-wah" just so I can sound really smart.) That's got to count for something.

My other confession: I got a sunburn. I put sunblock on, but I always forget my shoulders and back. I realize this is not a step in the healthy direction. I realize it will be my own fault when I get skin cancer.

Needless to say, I'm a bit frustrated about everything today. It's one of those days where this whole idea of improving in all of these areas seems to big and too unreasonable for where I am.

As well, the goals themselves do not mesh well. I don't know how to have our family eat healthy, have our fill and still spend a reasonable amount of money on groceries. But then I wonder, what IS a reasonable amount? I only know what I spend. It seems out of control - but I look through the cabinets and fridge and wonder what was frivolous. If I skimp on fruit we run out within a couple days. If I don't get two of this or three of that I end up scraping together unbalanced meals and trying to stretch everything out to the next week.

My family goes through a lot of food in a week. Is this normal? Do everyone's kids eat every last pea and carrot and piece of meat on their plate, ask for more, and then still constantly whine about being hungry? (Just so we're clear, I don't feed them every time they ask. They get three meals and two snacks a day. Unless I indulge in a shower, then I come down to find half the grapes I just bought for the week mysteriously missing off their branches... and it seems that "Not me" was the culprit.) And I don't know, does everyone's husband polish off a bag of tortilla chips in a sitting and go back looking for more? (Sorry, MacGyver, just trying to be real. It's obviously not hurting your figure at all.)

I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when we have four teenagers in the house...

One week in and I'm discouraged about this whole being more financially responsible business. It just seems like an impossible dream. And I totally sound like a whiner today. I don't blame you if you stopped reading three paragraphs before this. I wish I had.

But my new policy about complete honesty requires I tell you today that I am doubting my ability to pull this off. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Thanks for sticking with me. And as for the quote - I'm pretty sure that's the source of my problem. I'm striving for perfection when all that is required to make a change is striving toward excellence.

I'm just going to have to figure out what that means in a tangible sense. If you have any thoughts or opinions, leave a message, here or on facebook. I'm really enjoying hearing from everyone!