Excellence Vs. Perfection

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.
- Harriet Braiker

Let's just get the confessions over with, shall we? I admit it. I'm sitting here at 11:03 pm eating my dinner. Actually, we'll call it my breakfast, lunch and dinner, because it's basically the only meal I've had today. Breakfast was a protein bar on the go. Lunch I had to choose between feeding myself or feeding my two month old. He won, of course. I got by on a chicken nugget and a piece of string cheese. I munched a little while I made and served supper late, and somehow I squeezed in my exercise while the baby cried and now here I am.

I'm such a whiner. At least my dinner is leftover broccoli, salmon and quinoa. (That's pronounced "Keen-wah" just so I can sound really smart.) That's got to count for something.

My other confession: I got a sunburn. I put sunblock on, but I always forget my shoulders and back. I realize this is not a step in the healthy direction. I realize it will be my own fault when I get skin cancer.

Needless to say, I'm a bit frustrated about everything today. It's one of those days where this whole idea of improving in all of these areas seems to big and too unreasonable for where I am.

As well, the goals themselves do not mesh well. I don't know how to have our family eat healthy, have our fill and still spend a reasonable amount of money on groceries. But then I wonder, what IS a reasonable amount? I only know what I spend. It seems out of control - but I look through the cabinets and fridge and wonder what was frivolous. If I skimp on fruit we run out within a couple days. If I don't get two of this or three of that I end up scraping together unbalanced meals and trying to stretch everything out to the next week.

My family goes through a lot of food in a week. Is this normal? Do everyone's kids eat every last pea and carrot and piece of meat on their plate, ask for more, and then still constantly whine about being hungry? (Just so we're clear, I don't feed them every time they ask. They get three meals and two snacks a day. Unless I indulge in a shower, then I come down to find half the grapes I just bought for the week mysteriously missing off their branches... and it seems that "Not me" was the culprit.) And I don't know, does everyone's husband polish off a bag of tortilla chips in a sitting and go back looking for more? (Sorry, MacGyver, just trying to be real. It's obviously not hurting your figure at all.)

I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when we have four teenagers in the house...

One week in and I'm discouraged about this whole being more financially responsible business. It just seems like an impossible dream. And I totally sound like a whiner today. I don't blame you if you stopped reading three paragraphs before this. I wish I had.

But my new policy about complete honesty requires I tell you today that I am doubting my ability to pull this off. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Thanks for sticking with me. And as for the quote - I'm pretty sure that's the source of my problem. I'm striving for perfection when all that is required to make a change is striving toward excellence.

I'm just going to have to figure out what that means in a tangible sense. If you have any thoughts or opinions, leave a message, here or on facebook. I'm really enjoying hearing from everyone!

"I Told You I Was Sick"

I joke that I'm going to put this on MacGyver's gravestone if I have the opportunity. He's always a little worried that he's got some rare disease, but the truth is he's about the healthiest person I've ever met. He's the same weight he was at our wedding TEN YEARS AGO, no matter how many helpings he takes or how many boxes of ice cream he goes through. (If I say this to someone in his presence he immediately protests "No I'm not - I'm TWO pounds more!" I'm sure you can see the seething scowl on my face. You may have one too.) Yes, other than an extremely unfriendly relationship with poison ivy, he's got it going for him in the health department. Not the actual health department. Never mind.

Our children have apparently inherited his genes, at least so far. The eldest bursts into hives if a mosquito looks at her with longing, and the third can't wear sunblock as her skin apparently believes that sunblock IS the sun, but other than these things and a few quirks and spurts of illness here and there they are healthy.

Then there's me. There's no denying that I go to the doctor the least (except when I'm pregnant.) But I've always had problems. When I was little it was asthma attacks and all manner of illnesses. When I was a teenager I developed a digestive disorder and also began to struggle with my weight for no obvious reason. In my 20's the migraines hit,(the writhing in pain, throwing up variety) and I still get them at 33 about twice a week.

So this post is hard to write. Because I have tried so long and so hard to be healthy, and it always seems just one step out of my reach. I went the medication route to the point where I was taking dozens of pills a day, and now I try to avoid medication at all costs because it never seems to help and I end up with more symptoms. I've lost small amounts of weight countless times, and over 30 pounds three times in my life. It never seems to stay off, and I could whine and complain and tell you that it's not my fault, I've done everything right, but I'm afraid of giving up. If it's this hard when I'm trying to master it, what would happen if I gave up?

So this year's goals in health aren't going to be too different from any other year. I'm going to exercise as much as possible (goal of 4 hours a week, though I'm not there yet after childbirth that morphed into surgery) and I'm going to eat an all-natural, specially balanced diet that Jillian Michaels recommends in her book "Mastering Your Metabolism." She also has a few simple rules, though I haven't got into the habit of all of them yet, being recently pregnant. She says to 1. Eat four times a day. 2. Stop when you're full. 3. Never skip breakfast. 4. Don't eat after 9 pm. (This is along with purging all the processed food out and eating a balance of protein, fat and carbs.)

I'm with her on pretty much everything except the not eating after 9. Jillian has never had four small children. Jillian doesn't understand that sometimes Moms don't even GET to eat until 9 pm. But I'm working on it. That's probably my biggest goal. I will get there!

My ultimate goals are to hone my diet and exercise to the place where I am symptom free digestively (my spell check insists this is not a word but I've decided that it is) and migraine-wise, and to lose 50 pounds.

A few wonderful things I've discovered so far in the past few weeks since changing our diet to all-natural:

1. Trader Joe's is the coolest place ever. Whole Foods is too, but Trader Joe's manages to keep the coolness at a more reasonable price.

2. You'd be surprised how healthy you can eat even if you just shop at Walmart. There are more organic/all natural options all the time.

3. Migraines improve with this diet change. At least mine have. In the past 4 or 5 weeks I have only had ONE full-fledged migraine. This is astounding to me.

4. Organic food really does taste better.

5. After a few days of whole and all natural foods your body stops craving the junk and starts detesting it. Seriously. Even more than that, your body starts to crave things like fruit and vegetables. There are other things I've noticed but if I listed them you wouldn't believe me. You'll just have to try it yourself and see.

So there you have it. I'm on notice. You'll ask me. "Miranda, are you exercising four hours a week? Are you staying true to that balance? Are you NOT EATING AFTER NINE?"

I'll say "Absolutely." I hope.