The Home Life Improvement Project

The End

2011-02-26T12:44:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I do not have the time or passion necessary to keep up this blog. Thank you so much for reading and growing with me the past few months. I think this was a great experiment and I learned so much from all of you.

I will of course keep up with Captive Thoughts . It is more of a journal of my thoughts and experiences. I hope you'll visit from time to time.

Bye!

Break Time

2011-01-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. I'm taking another blog break. I'm going to try to focus on story writing for awhile. I'll be back in a few days or a couple weeks - whenever I'm ready with some new ideas to share!

Thanks as always for reading and responding.

Epiphanies

2011-01-16T20:34:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not reading the Apocrypha. Not that reading the Apocrypha is a bad idea. I've read some of it. It's interesting.

And I want you to know I spelled it right on the first try.

My epiphany is a little more personal in nature. I've made a discovery about myself in relationship to this blog.

I am not a blogger.

So why, you might ask, am I blogging? Well, I am a writer. There's not any doubt in my mind that I was born to be a wife and mommy, and to write. But my true and everlasting love is fiction, and I only feel natural when I am writing fiction.

The bad thing about fiction is that it has fallen out of favor with the general public. Who wants to go to all the trouble to read a novel when you can go into a trance in front of the 57 inch flat screen?

Uh... me.

But I concede I am not among the majority. And for a writer who has not sold any fiction yet... in today's market, I'm a long shot.

So my job is to figure out what in the world I am going to do with my dream. I have an idea, but it's scary. I've created a website called "The Writer's Block" where writers and readers can come together. I'm hoping there will be some interest and other aspiring authors will submit their work and we will get readers that are interested in free fiction and nonfiction.

It's a long shot.

But you can check it out. So far it's me and my sis. I can always count on her to jump on board any idea I have. We look a little lonely on the members page. Part of the problem is that I can't figure out how to create a "join here" button where folks can easily become members. If anyone has any ideas I'd really appreciate the input. You can find the site here .

And I will get up and do a happy dance if that link worked on the first try.

Linkin' Up to Love

2011-01-09T18:36:00.001-08:00

A breakthrough! I think I may have actually figured out how to post links. Everybody applaud for me. Or laugh at my complete lack of technical ability. No, really, I want you to laugh at me. I'm learning humility.

28 Days Of Love

My blogger friend Katie started a linky party to learn about putting love into practice. Check it out, link yourself up and join the party. You know you want to.

Here's the short version - read 1 Corinthians 13. Then prepare to do the following for the next 7 days:

Week 1

Day 1: Meet a Need. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to someone's need you can meet today. When the need presents itself, act. Meet the need without expecting anything in return. Thank the Lord for using you to bless someone else.

Day 2: Don't react. When wronged, offended, or slighted today, resolve by the Spirit's power to allow Him to produce a "longsuffering" spirit in you that doesn't react or strike back. Let it go. Overcome evil with good.

Day 3: Give something away. Loving always involves giving. Bless someone by giving them something of value-some money, an item, some time, your attention (just don't give them a piece of your mind) "Its is more blessed to give than to receive."

Day 4: Pray for an enemy. Instead of stirring up your anger by replaying that person's wrong against you, pray for him or her. Ask God for the grace to love your enemies by praying His blessings upon them.

Day 5: Write a note. Let someone know how much you value their friendship or appreciate their contribution by writing, texting, or emailing a note. Make the effort to communicate what is in your heart. Take some time and write more than a sentence or two.

Day 6: Spread some joy today. Do a random act of kindness for an unsuspecting person.

Day 7: Initiate something. Take a small risk. Go out of your way to talk with someone you don't really know. Engage them in a conversation about something that interests them. Show genuine interest, learn what you can about them, and review it later in your mind.

So get busy and start loving!

A special thanks to MacGyver who figured out how to add links after I discovered that my link was still not appearing. Engineers. Gotta love them.

New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-05T12:22:00.000-08:00

Someone told me that January 5 is the most stressful day of the year.

So be REALLY REALLY impressed that I'm writing today. Because I don't feel it. I feel exhausted. I'm ready to hibernate from life for awhile. I've had about all the teaching/diaper changing/cooking and cleaning/moderating ridiculous arguments that I can take for 2011. That's right, I've reached the quota. Do you hear me MacGyver, Eldest, Secondborn, Not-so-toddler and Baby J? I've had ENOUGH.

Deep breath. Slow exhale.

I wrote in my journal last night before I fell asleep. I said "Why is it so easy for me to park myself in neutral and let life push me along?"

When things get stressful, I go limp. I just do what I have to do to survive and turn my brain off. I like to call it hypersensitivity, overstimulation, anything that makes me sound like a victim.

Truth is, it's just plain old laziness.

So I have one single resolution for 2011. I shall endeavor to do, act, feel, think, write, and any other verb that applies in any situation in which my normal response is to ride out the wave and do nothing. Even if it annoys me. Even if it exhausts me.

I've gotten off to a good start. In two days I have exercised for 3 hours. I have watched what I am eating even though detoxing from the holidays is no easy process. There is no doubt I've room to do better. But the point of this year shall be to do a little better than before.

What about you? Resolutions? Plans for the new year?

While We Were Sleeping

2010-12-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

A Christmas story borrowed from my blog, Captive Thoughts.

I don’t remember another time when I was so unable to sleep. The moon was high overhead and my family was piled in cots and mats around the room, the sound of their snoring the only sound touching my ears that night. Or was it? I slipped from beneath the warm arm of my husband and headed to the window. The night was quiet, the sky full of stars. I looked up into the vast expanse, quite shocked to realize that the brightness flooding the window was not the moon, but a star. I had never seen such a light in the night sky before. Something deep within told me I would never see it again. It seemed to cast its brilliant light right over the heart of Bethlehem.

That’s when I heard what had awakened me. A baby’s cry. I knew the sound well. I hesitated, looking back to check on my own little ones as they slept on, then I pulled my heavy cloak around me, gathered a few supplies from my store, and headed down the road to follow the tiny cry.

As I walked, I tried to imagine what little one would be making an appearance. There were no babies due this month. I would have known, I was the town’s only midwife. I remembered then that there were quite a few visitors due to the Roman taxation. Every house was filled to overflowing. It must be one of those weary travelers giving birth this night. My pace quickened.

The sound led me not to a house but to a cave, cut out of the rock to provide shelter for animals. Surely no baby was entering the world in a cold and dark place such as this. My heart went out to whoever the unfortunate family must be.

But the cave wasn’t so dark. The light from that star above just happened to shine through the doorway, as if Yahweh Himself had ordered such an illumination on just such a place. I pushed my way through the animals, huddled together trying to keep warm, and came upon the little family just beyond the animals, resting in the hay. A tiny babe was lying upon the hay in the manger screaming his little heart out as a frightened father tried to tend to an exhausted mother. My expert eyes quickly noticed that there was too much blood. This woman needed my help.

“I’m a midwife.” I found my voice, hurrying to her and gently pushing the young man out of the way. “Hold the baby close to keep him warm. Wrap him in these.” I handed him some cloths I had grabbed from my supply.

“Grave clothes?”

“They are all I had. But they’ll keep him warm. Wrap him snugly then hold him inside your cloak.”

I turned my attention back to the baby’s mother. She gave me a grateful glance before she succumbed to her fatigue as I began to massage her abdomen to release the afterbirth. I managed the bleeding as best I could with the herbs and preparations I had on hand, offering a prayer that Yahweh might spare her life. When she seemed to be doing better, I reached again for the child, unwrapping him to wash him clean and rub oil and salt on his baby soft skin. He was a bit on the small side; I assumed that they had not been expecting him to come so early. But he seemed healthy with a hearty cry and wide, alert eyes, peering from their darkness to observe me so closely I almost felt that he could see within my heart.

“You’ve a special boy here.” I smiled at the parents, finding myself almost unwilling to hand the child back to his mother to nurse. She was tired, but I assured her that the nursing would hasten her healing. The child quickly began to eat, as if he wished to spare his mother further suffering as a result of his birth.

“He is special.” The father said softly. “He’s the Messiah.”

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that statement from a proud mama or abba. But the way he spoke it, as if he realized the great weight resting on his shoulders for the responsibility, I almost found myself believing it might be true. I smiled at him.

“I hope you’re right.”

After a few moments of silence, I spoke again. “What will his name be?”

“Jesus.” It was the mother who spoke now. Her husband nodded in agreement.

“Jesus. I have a Jesus myself. Good name. Means ‘savior.’”

“Yes it does.” The man nodded once more.

When I was fairly sure that the mama and baby would make it through the night, I slipped away and left the new family to get to know one another. As I made my way back up the hill to my home, I was struck by the odd way the boy had come into the world. Could a child have a more humble birth? Who would expect a tiny child of a poor family from the north who had been born in a stable, of all things – to be the Messiah that would save his people? Certainly not I.

But the Scriptures said that the one we should look for would come from Bethlehem. There wasn’t a soul that resided here that didn’t know that for a fact.

Maybe Yahweh had sent him quietly into the world, while we were sleeping. Maybe that’s the way He had always intended that he should come.

2:46 am. I was wide awake. In concession, I pulled back the covers and stepped into my slippers, pulling my robe around me as I walked to the window. My spirit was restless. Something was about to happen. I could sense it in the silence.

I lifted the blind and peered out onto the dark street, lit only with porch lights from homes that had remembered to turn them on to detract crime, which seemed to happen more often. My gaze drifted to the sky. The stars shone more brightly than I had ever remembered seeing them in the city. They seemed to twinkle with excitement.

On a whim, I gathered my sleeping children around me and my husband in our bed. I left the shade open and looked out into the night sky, waiting. Hoping. Dreaming that this ordinary December morning might be the day of all days. Faith becoming sight in the form of the one I had loved for a lifetime yet not seen. Yet. The darker the world became, the more I longed for him. The more I looked for him. “Be alert.” Was his admonition. “Watch. I am coming soon!”

So I watched. And just as my eyes began to close again in sleepiness, a sound crashed through the darkness and caused me to sit up straight and look. A shout. A gleeful, excited, powerful and beautiful voice called, the sound so loud and so completely evident that surely there wasn’t a soul on the planet that hadn’t heard it. My husband and children were jolted awake, and I smiled knowingly at my husband.

“It’s time?” he laughed groggily. “Can it be?”

“Jesus!” my oldest child pointed out the window. “I hear trumpets!”

We all ran downstairs and threw open the front door. I followed my family out into the driveway. As we looked up, thousands of shouts and laughter filled the sky as the first glimpse of a somehow familiar face came closer. His beautiful, friendly eyes were smiling as he held out his nail-scarred hands to those that happily waited. My own family was dancing around us in complete elation. I noticed sadly that many houses along our street remained dark. It was as if they could not hear a thing.

A moment later we were sailing through the air at what must have been light speed. And then we were with him. No more pain. No more struggle. Now, there was only Jesus. Only and forever our Savior, who had come while the world was sleeping.

And the morning dawn found them in a fog of disaster and panic. We saw, from afar, nestled safely in the embrace of the Savior, who had rescued us from the immense trouble brewing just on the horizon. He had not forgotten us. We prayed for those loved ones we had left behind, that when Jesus returned for the third time, they would not be found sleeping anymore.

10 Best of 2010

2010-12-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

First of all - best smile of 2010. Hands down. This is what she does when someone tells her to smile. I love Toddler. Toddler who is quickly becoming Not-so-Toddler. In fact, she seems to be skipping right to Junior Higher.

I know. 2010 still has 16 days left. But since ten years ago MacGyver and I had the brilliant idea of getting married on December 30, we will be attempting to celebrate our tenth anniversary squeezed between Christmas both here and up north, and New Years.

It's going to be a really busy couple of weeks. So don't expect any blog posts.

Last year my sis did a "Best of" post and I enjoyed it. I wished I had thought about it first. I was jealous until I learned that she had simply stolen the idea from someone else.

So as I listen to the joyful sound of my baby screaming at me for no particular reason and trying in vain to make his hands and knees work so he can crawl over here and drool all over me, I shall share my personal favorites that were discovered in 2010. Many of them came straight from you, my awesome readers, and for that I give you many thanks.

Around the House:
1. Homemade Laundry Detergent. I can't begin to describe how much money this has saved us. Works just as well as store bought, at a fraction of the cost. Easy to make. No brainer.

2. Cloth Diapers. Also a money saver to say the least. A little more work than laundry detergent, but worth it in my opinion. You get used to them, and any time you need a break, you just buy a small pack of Luvs.

3. New Balance Shoes. You get to the age when the cheap tennis shoes just don't do the job anymore. I have been very happy with these shoes. They are an "inexpensive for high-end" choice. And worth it.

4. Essential Oils. They can be pricey, but they are SO MUCH FUN.

For your viewing/reading pleasure:

5. Her Mother's Hope/Her Daughter's Dream by Francine Rivers. Wow.

6. "Tangled" Best Disney film since Beauty and the Beast.

7. Fringe I admit, the first two seasons are both necessary to watch and at times a little hard to get into. (Available on DVD or Netflix.)But the end of the second season into the third has been worth it. Disclaimer - not for the squeamish or very conservative. Particularly for those who love subtle but deep character development and plots that require thought. Namely... ME.

8. Master Your Metabolism by Gillian Michaels. I don't think I'll see the full benefit of this book until after I stop nursing, but cutting out processed food has significantly reduced the number of headaches and migraines I get.

Lessons learned or being learned:

9. It's Still a Broken World. I started this blog with the somewhat idealistic thought that I could find that secret path that ultimately leads to a happy, peaceful life. After 6+ months, it's easy to see that although making some of these changes has made my life better, this is still a broken world that needs more than we could ever come up with to fix it. No matter how hard I try to make my path easy, there is always something else that blocks the way.

10. Homeschooling + 4 children + trying to become a better writer + everything else = No time. I have had to accept that I will not have the time to sit and stare into space or daydream for quite a few years yet. But I have decided that I cannot use this busy time of life as an excuse to not do the best I can in every area.

Okay, your turn! Leave your 10 Best of 2010 as a comment or provide a link to your blogged answers!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!

Holiday Ideas

2010-12-14T16:12:00.000-08:00

This may not be in the spirit of education, but we pushed through, doing 3 lessons a day for quite awhile and now we find ourselves with a nice long Christmas break.

Aaaahhhhh.

So I've managed to fill up the time making Christmas gifts. I spent every last cent of the Christmas budget so now I am feverishly trying to make nice presents. This isn't new, I try this every year, but this year I think I'm getting the hang of it. Sort of?

I'm always very critical of my homemade gifts. I watch people open them and wonder if they are thinking "Why in the world do I want this?" and when I leave it promptly finds it's way to the trash.

Oh well. At least I tried if that happens.

I thought I'd share a few of my ideas if you have also run out of money and still need a few gifts.

1. Almond Bark

This is embarrassingly easy, but it tastes like you spent all day making it. Get a bag of chocolate chips. I like Giardelli 60% cocoa, but you can use anything including white chocolate chips. Melt them in a double boiler (I just put my smaller pot in my larger one with water in the bottom of the larger one. As soon as they are melted, pour in a bunch of almonds. It doesn't really matter how much you put in. If you only use a few it will be more chocolately, if you dump in the whole bag it will be very almond-y. Either way it will be GOOD.

I should add that you're going to want your parchment paper covered baking sheet ready before you start. I usually don't, but at this point I always wish I did.

Pour out the chocolate and almond mixture (after you have stirred it) onto the parchment paper an smooth it out evenly and thinly. (If you want to at this point you can crush a candy cane and sprinkle it on top) Stick it in the fridge for a couple hours and Whoallah - you have almond bark.

Is that how you spell "Whoalah?" I confess I've never used that word before in my life. I'll bet spell checker is going to LOVE it.

2. Hot cocoa mix

I went online and googled (Actually, I "yahooed" it, but that doesn't sound as cool) "best hot cocoa mix." I came up with this one, which I didn't really feel was the best hot cocoa mix until I added more cocoa and sugar and cut down on the creamer. It was pretty much milk with a faint cocoa taste before that. I also added to this recipe a little bit of instant coffee and a big dash of cinnamon.

Here's the link: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Hot-Cocoa-Mix/Detail.aspx

3. Chocolate Chip cookies

I know that isn't a picture of the actual cookies. I didn't take one and I'm too lazy to do it now. Suffice it to say they look just like the picture on the link.

This is the best recipe I've found for Chocolate chip cookies. People will usually comment on how good they are, and I think that's because of the secret ingredient - vanilla instant pudding mix. They never turn out flat. I hate flat chocolate chip cookies.

Another secret I found after many many years of overcooking baked good because I was afraid the salmonella wouldn't get cooked out - take them out as soon as you see the tiniest hint of golden brown. They taste MUCH better this way.

Link. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Award-Winning-Soft-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies/Detail.aspx

So enjoy making your own yummy yet inexpensive gifts, or scoff at my ideas because yours are WAY better. Then share them.

And spell check's verdict is that I should have spelled it "Wallah."

Expect Grace

2010-12-08T20:22:00.000-08:00

Little boy lying in the hay
You've become my whole world today
I'm overwhelmed

Frightened... amazed... I don't know what to say...

I didn't see this coming
I don't know what to do
I'm lost in trepidation
The thought of loving you...

Grace for today, grace for this moment
My gift from his heart, to trust what is God-sent
Every day I am given, his mercies are new
Each moment I draw breath, his promise proves true.

A purpose so much higher than me,
A promise we've waited ages to see
I'm overwhelmed...
I never would have thought -
Never could have imagined -
I don't know why
You chose me.

Grace for today, grace for this moment.
My gift from his heart, to trust what is God-sent
Every day I am given, his mercies are new
Each moment I draw breath, his promise proves true.

Little boy lying in the hay
You've become my whole world today.

For those of you that will be at church on Sunday morning, if the great snowstorm of 2010 doesn't hit first, I have an explanation.

I will try to explain Sunday before I sing this song, but standing on a platform I am feeble and weak-tongued and all so I will probably not make a whole lot of sense. Which is why I want to pour out all my thoughts so at least the two or three people that read this will understand what I'm saying.

Or four.

As long as I can remember, I have always felt a connection to Mary. When I read about her, I can see her. I can hear her thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that she was divine. I'm not saying she was perfect. Nor am I saying that I possess the goodness and faith she must have had to be the chosen mother of the Messiah. I'm just saying... I get her.

The Bible says that Mary "pondered all these things in her heart." She stored up every angelic visitation, every prophetic utterance that suddenly came to life in front of her eyes - within her own body even, and thought about it long and hard. I'm a ponderer as well. I take it all in, I process it, I roll it around in my brain over and over until I have taken all the sense I can from a thought before I set it on a shelf in case I have need of it again.

If this sounds insane and you want to recommend I see a psychiatrist... well that's why I don't typically share these things. Or maybe I do.

Mary had to know. She had to have had a clue to the future events, especially when crazy kings started trying to kill her baby boy and they had to escape to Egypt for safety. She knew that baby was destined for big things. Painful things. Excruciating events for a mother's heart to endure. She heard the warning. A sword would pierce her own side. Just as I felt my daughter's pain recently when someone she thought was her friend was cruel, just as I matched every tear she cried with my own, Mary would feel every lash of the whip, every thorn that tore her son's flesh, every ignorant, mocking voice from the crowd of people that had joined their voices with their ancestors through the ages and pleaded for a Savior.

So how did Mary cope, staring at that helpless, soft and warm little creature, all the while with hormones running rampant through her body, knowing that someday he would allow himself to be led to the altar of sacrifice and slaughtered like an innocent, silent lamb?

I suppose she had to handle the weight of that knowledge, every moment of terrible foreshadowing with the same God-given grace that we who know him live every day, every moment counting on. The Bible says that God will give us peace, peace that surpasses all human understanding and explanation. He promises this peace will come only in those moments we require it. In other words, he'll be there to hold us up in every moment he allows that could crush us without his help.

What he doesn't give us the grace for is worry. When we borrow trouble from tomorrow, when we play the "what ifs" over and over in our mind and start to tremble and buckle under the burden, God cannot give us grace to do what he warned us against. He won't enable our sin.

So Mary had to take one day, one moment at a time. She had to accept his grace, his peace, his mercy for the things he allowed, and trust that he would see her through the dark days ahead.

And so, if the little boy lying in the hay has become your whole world, as he has mine, expect resistance. Expect pain, ridicule, misunderstanding, and struggle.

But even more, expect grace.

Challenge #2

2010-12-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here watching the second to last Biggest Loser for this season with my own sweat on my brow. I think I'm ready for a new week of challenge.

Who will join me? An hour a day for six days out of seven? I think six is a more sustainable weekly challenge. I've found that one day of rest out of seven gives you perspective, gives you something to look foward to, and generally makes an endeavor realistic.

I'm doing the eliptical an hour a day, but I'm going to try to add a few minutes of weight training as well.

We do need to talk food. How about January 2 we will do a food challenge? And until then we'll just agree to do the best we can with all this holiday food surrounding us?

Let me know you're with me.

More Ideas

2010-12-07T12:52:00.000-08:00

I thought of a couple more ideas for you with the essential oils. I'll quickly tell you because I hear a screaming baby and little toddler feet padding around upstairs and I know my free moment has reached a conclusion.

I had been buying these packages of little bags full of dried lavender at Trader Joe's that you put in the dryer to make your clothes smell nice. Problem was, they were expensive, and when Toddler got a hold of them they were quite messy. So I got an old rag and put about 20 drops of each - Lavender, Rosemary, Tea Tree and Peppermint (or more or less to your tastes) and threw that in the dryer with the clothes. Works great! The peppermint especially adds a nice fragrance.

Liquid castile soap with lavender and tea trea drops also make a nice fragrance in a pump in the bathroom. Or a bit of castile soap with a couple drops of lavender and tea tree in about a cup of water over squares of white flannel make a great substitution for wipes. (I may have said that one before.) (Sorry.)

Back to Life.

Tis the Season

2010-12-06T12:11:00.000-08:00

I had a successful 7 day fitness challenge. It sounds like the rest of the takers did as well. It felt good to realize the possibilities and not let excuses reign my activities.

But now the 7 days are over and excuses have taken over again. I'm thinking that I'm going to need to start another 7 day challenge.

Tomorrow.

Part of the reason I'm making excuses is because I've been busy Christmas shopping and making gifts. Does it make anyone else nervous to spend money around the holidays? We save up all year for Christmas, but sometimes I feel a little out of control as I spend (every last dime) of that saved money. And I always say "We're going to have a lighter Christmas this year" or "Let's focus on getting a few things we really want instead of 700 little things that are just going to get in the way" but somehow we still end up with a mix of both.

Oh well. Maybe next year I'll figure out the secret. Or I'll have more self control.

I remind myself that God was extravagant when he gave his gift, so I guess as long as I'm not breaking the bank I can be a little extravagant as well. I hope that's just not blaming my lack of discipline on God. Because that won't work.

Anyway, the reason I have a picture of my lovely essential oils is so I can tell you about some of the recipes I've made that I really love. I've given you a couple already, and I didn't have too much response, so maybe I'm alone in my love for scents, but I'll give you a couple more ideas. Remember, if you don't have oils and want to try a few scents, I can bring you cotton balls in a ziploc with your scents. They are so much fun to mix with unscented lotion or soap, to drop on a diffuser and fill the room with good smells, or to mix with baking soda or vinegar to make cleaners.

I don't think I shared my carpet freshener recipe with you. I love it - it leaves a wonderful scent in the room or in the furniture for a couple days. If you would like a small sample let me know.

Another great trick I found was to put a mix of scents on cotton balls in open ziploc bags and set them in closets. It really helps to keep things smelling nice. Our front closet smelled like feet until I did this - and now we can hang our coats in there again and not have to wear them along with the "Ode to Foot" smell.

So a few ideas for you. Let me know what you want to try.

7 Day Fitness Challenge

2010-11-28T19:58:00.000-08:00

I'm inspired. Maybe it's that blah feeling you get after holiday food. I didn't even eat that much and I still feel it. Maybe it's those family pictures that turned out really well but revealed more than I wanted to know about my present state. Maybe it's inspiring people like Amy M. who have been hopping on the treadmill late at night and are getting so skinny one barely recognizes them.

Anyway, I'm giving it a week. I'm going to exercise at least an hour a day for the next seven days. I'm going to do it after the kids go to bed. I'm going to fly in the face of all the excuses, however valid, and just do it.

Anyone with me?

Murky Milk Musings

2010-11-23T20:14:00.000-08:00

With six people in the house there's the tendency to always have some sort of drama.

There was lots of drama today. No one warned me that pms starts at the age of 7. And you know that sensitive guy that everyone hopes to marry? I did. His children are every bit as "sensitive." (Sorry, MacGyver. You know it's true.) The main trouble is that "sensitive" in a child translates into a lot of hitting, pulling hair, yelling, dissolving into tears, kicking, and screaming "I hate you" to the very siblings that they prayed fervently would come to be.

And when I was a child, I straightened up pretty fast when I got in trouble. At least I think I did. I didn't want a repeat. My children seem to revel in punishment. They can barely set foot out of timeout or finally have a privilege returned or receive any other form of punishment and a minute later they are pulling the same act that got them there in the first place.

Strong willed in a husband means a safe home, provision and comfort, relief that he will take care of the hard things and the big things. Strong willed passed on to 4 small children means.... either a whole lot of fun or a whole lot of drama.

I hate drama.

Anyway, this has nothing to do with what I was going to say in the first place, so it's time to get back on topic. All this was just to say that something's always going on in the house. Baby J has taken center stage in my mind in recent days.

Before I reveal my dilemma, I have to make a confession. Until a few days ago, I secretly looked down on moms that were sure their nursing babies had a milk allergy. I was one of the ones that rolled my eyes and whispered to other look-downers that it was all in their head and they were going to all that trouble for nothing. That even if the baby had a sensitivity to something the best way for them to "get over it" was to expose them to it.

That was before. Before that first little weird rash on his face a couple months ago. Before my happy, friendly baby got such a sad look on his face. Before hearing from the nurse that he'd only gained 3 ounces in two months. Before changing 4 dirty, weird looking, awful smelling diapers a day.(CLOTH diapers. I've been rinsing. A lot.) Before wiping my precious baby and seeing blood from all the sores on his bottom.

I'm supposed to take care of that bottom.

So I did my homework and to my great surprise the symptoms added up to an allergy. Which allergy was, and still is the question. I started with the most common. I stopped eating any dairy whatsoever and made sure everything that went into his mouth was also non-dairy. It's been a hard week. I love cheese. I miss cheese. The results haven't been incredibly clear. He seems happier, his bottom has healed, his face is a little less rashy, but we're still doing 3 dirty diapers a day. I'm going to throw all caution to the wind and eat Thanksgiving dinner the way it was intended to be eaten, in all of it's buttery, whipped cream glory, and see if there is any change. If not, I guess it will be time to haul the entourage back to the doctor. Hey, we made it a couple weeks without going for someone, I guess.

So that's the topic of the day. Strike a chord? Want to tell me off for my uncharitable thoughts? Tell me I deserve it? I know I do. Go ahead and say it if it makes you feel better. If anyone has advice or thinks I'm doing something wrong, that would be quite welcome also.

Good night!

A Few Rules

2010-11-22T19:17:00.000-08:00

Okay. I'm a pretty nice person. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. But I have to say I'm done answering any inflammatory posts. I have never claimed to have any supreme knowledge about anything, and I am writing from the viewpoint that the Bible is the true and inspired word of God. If you do not agree, you are welcome to your opinion. But I will no longer argue about it.

This is not to say that it is wrong to question and to seek answers for those questions. There are other blogs, other sources that will gladly take these things on, if the questions are serious, and I encourage those with questions I cannot answer to find someone who has the time and energy to discuss these things.

Resources I would recommend include

http://www.rzim.org/ (Ravi Zacharias, apologetist)

http://leestrobel.com/ (Ex-Atheist)

If you are a reader and you like deep, C.S. Lewis is an excellent choice.

As for my blog - sincere questions to which we can find the answers together are as always welcomed and appreciated, even if you disagree with the conclusions I've drawn. But it must be with the understanding that the Bible is the source for finding those answers.

Any comments that discuss inappropriate topics to this blog(to be determined by the blogger) will be immediately deleted.

Thank you for reading, as always, the musings of a really really busy and really really tired wife and mom.

Revelations, Perfections, and Ironies

2010-11-14T10:59:00.000-08:00

The stars have aligned, and a few hours of time have been granted to me. I finished my 600 page Francine Rivers novel. (Her newest - a two book series. Read it.) I only have a moderately large pile of laundry on the basement floor, and have actually put away all of the clean clothes. It's Sunday afternoon, and since I actually spent more than 8 hours last night actually sleeping - I don't feel the need to sleep away the afternoon as is my custom of late.

The result? A thought out blog entry of sufficient depth that a great discussion is anticipated.

We're studying Revelation in church. Maybe it's my imagination, but I feel like our worship has been upgraded to the next level ever since we began. Today our choir, although we were still struggling with it this past Wednesday, pulled off the Hallelujah chorus. And it reminded me, our highest praise during this life will not compare with the worship we'll be about for eternity if we know Christ.

Which led me to my next pondering. Heaven. We discussed life after death this morning in Sunday School.

Because I know you tricky blog readers, I will begin with the facts. The Bible says much about Heaven, but the basics are this - Heaven is where God is, eternity will be spent on a brand new and perfect version of earth, and the followers of Jesus will spend eternity in brand new and perfect bodies. See 1 Thessalonians 4, Hebrews 8, Hebrews 11:16, 2 Peter 3, and parts of Revelation.

Some of us might be tempted to let the descriptions of heaven go in one ear and out the other, especially if we've been taught them since we were children. But have you ever truly just pondered the amazing future in store for us that know him?

Now we jump into my speculations and wanderings. I think God knew what he was doing when he didn't give us too much detail about our forever home. Even with the limited facts he's given us, we tend to picture heaven as a blah-fest. Standing around in white robes in a huge white room and chanting like cloistered monks while God sits on his throne and looks harsh.

Or was I the only one that got that impression from the way I heard people speak of it? That could be.

But when you force yourself to look past the vague description and the traditional versions of the truth, you realize that heaven is the perfect version of that vision and infinity times more. Now, as far as I know, it is an accepted fact that we use precious little of the brains we've been given. Have you ever wondered why? My theory, based on my own fallible logic, is that the parts we don't have access to are going to be activated when we get into eternity. We're going to be completely human, completely amazing inventions of God that are capable of everything that even the wisest, most intelligent person who ever lived couldn't even imagine.

Let's bring it home. What's your strength? What's the thing that drives you, the thing that makes you get up in the morning, the thing that delights and inspires and motivates you to live to a higher version of yourself? I'll give you my example, so you can think about what yours is, because it's tempting to say that there are too many to choose one. (At first thought, I might say, well, I love to write. I love music. I love to sing. I love to be a mom. I love to teach my kids.) But if I'm really going to boil me down to one core trait, I'd have to say that the one thing that makes me who I am and upon which all my other loves rests is simply my imagination.

Now, my imagination has also gotten me in trouble on plenty of occasions. There were the things I totally missed out on because I was daydreaming, there are the very real fears I had as a child because of the things I could imagine. Especially in the dark, old, creaky and possibly haunted church next door where my completely unimaginative mother made me go and practice piano by myself and probably scared 10 or 15 years off my life at the same time...

My sisters know what I'm talking about.

But all in all, my imagination fuels my deepest loves and my highest goals. And it's my suspicion that it will be my imagination that will drive me through eternity. I believe that when this temporary life is over, I will still be creating music, creating art, creating something that will be my eternal act of worship to my Creator.

I have other theories about eternity. I think we'll have "superpowers." I think we'll still be in the process, always, of learning new things, only we will not be hindered by laziness, weakness, short attention spans... you name it. Life will still be exciting, amazing, rewarding, and delightful. In fact, we probably haven't experienced the tiniest speck of what those words mean as of this moment. I think the irony of all that we try to come up with is that God is so big, so immense, so timeless and powerful and wise that it's going to to take forever to figure him out.

And we'll revel in every moment spent in the endeavor.

So what is your strength? I want to hear some of your boiled down and generalized descriptions of the driving forces that motivate you. There's no wrong answer. We've all been given special gifts by our Creator. The trick is finding them and putting them in the right spot in the puzzle of time and space that God is creating.

And if I'm really going to be honest, though this blog is based on the idea that we can make this life better by growing and learning, and I'm a believer in changed lives... we're trying to do things that aren't going to work until this imperfect, broken world is replaced by the new model. So I guess I can relax a little, even if I don't write every day and even if no one agrees with what I say or even cares or reads. Because my eternal blog will be AWESOME.

Let me know what you think your "driving motivation" looks like. One word descriptions are fine, for those of you who are thinking you won't reply just because you can't think of the right way to explain it.

And if this sparks any other thoughts about heaven you might have, let's have it.

(Oh, and if you aren't sure your ticket for heaven is sealed, and you can't believe I am so sure mine is, please know that your fare was already paid by Jesus, and all that is required of you is to admit you can't pay for it yourself and reach out and take it from him. End of story. If you doubt me, say so, and I'll come up with some verses to prove it.)

Hair Part Two

2010-11-12T13:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, I had questions. And I will endeavor to answer them to the best of my ability. Not that it is any great ability.

The question was about what I meant by last instruction about using the curling iron. I knew it wasn't clear when I wrote it, but I was too lazy to think of a way to put it into words.

Not that I came up with something brilliant. I just took my camera up to my curling iron and snapped a few pictures. Here they are. Hopefully it will cause the light to come on for those of you who were confused and frustrated by my last post.

(Disregard my funny faces. It's hard to curl your hair and take pictures at the same time, let alone smile pretty.)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

At this point, you have your basic curl. Now run your fingers through it and shake it up a bit.

8.

Now to discuss another little problem that busy moms tend to have when they don't wash their hair every day. (Those of you that have never considered this and find this disgusting, just keep in mind that it is actually HEALTHIER for your hair NOT to wash it every day or even every other day. The oils that are secreted that you wash off every time you wash your hair are protectants. Over-washing leads to dry hair. At least this is what I read. Or heard. Or both.)

I was discussing this with my hair stylist again this week at church and she suggested that anyone with light colored hair can erase the signs of oils at the roots with a little bit of baby powder. I'm excited to try this. For now - this is my solution:

9.

So there you have it. We've about exhausted my knowledge of hair care. Add your own tips if you have them! (Or let me know if this is still not clear at all!)

Hairy Blogging

2010-11-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

Apologies. I'm sorry I haven't blogged. You know what stands in my way, I won't go on about it.

Confessions. For the same reason - I have only been on the elliptical once in about two weeks. I haven't had time. Fortunately, I haven't had time to eat either.

I'm coming along with my list of essential oil recipes. My plan is to offer samples of any that you are interested in trying so you can know which oils you would like to invest in.

Today I'd like to discuss hair. If you are male you probably aren't going to have any interest in anything I come up with today. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

I've always liked long curly hair. This may have something to do with the straight, boy-short hair that my mom felt was necessary when I was six years old. I deal with the trauma by letting my hair grow and curling it. Sorry, Mom. You did great in every other way.

Anyway, so recently while discussing this love of long curly hair but lack of time with my wonderful hair stylist, Shannon, she showed me how to curl and told me what kind of curling iron to buy. I found an amazing iron. It's a little pricey but worth every penny and more. It has 5 different heat settings and heats instantly. Here's a link to check it out.

http://infiniti.conair.com/catalog.php?pcID=49&products_id=174

So the actual curling takes a little practice but with this iron it only takes me 5-10 minutes to do ALL of my hair. And I have A LOT of hair. Several things to keep in mind:

1. Start a couple inches down, but curl from the top down.
2. Curl backward, not toward your face.
3. Do as large of a section as possible.
4. Try to curl the entire section of hair with one pass from the curling iron. I can't think of a better way to word this but it's very important.

If you are asking "Why are you telling me this?" then I'm again - sorry for wasting your time. It took me a long time to figure this out and it's so easy that I can do this on a regular basis now and be really happy with the results. I'm also telling you this so you can look up at me in the choir or passing you in the hall and not think to yourself "She keeps saying she has no time - how in the world does she have time to do that to her hair?"

I know you thought it. Some of you said it. That's okay, I would think the same thing.

So this is my tip for today. I suppose I should get back to putting this house together for the fourth or fifth time today. And Sunday's the easy day.

Let me know what you're thinking.

Deep Breath

2010-10-27T19:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, debate time. Who saw the film of the woman in the 1920's walking down the street... talking on a cell phone??

It gives me the creeps. Not one for the most obvious answers - I'm going with time traveling on this one. My sis has it all worked out - it was Charlie Chaplin's crazy mother talking to herself. What's your take? Leave a response and let me know. Meanwhile, enjoy my precious little toddler getting into the spirit of halloween.

You know I've been really hitting the books when it comes to herbs, supplements and such. I've taken it a step further and have been taking a good look at aromatherapy. I believe I'm hooked. I've got cleaning recipes, perfume recipes, massage oil recipes and room spray recipes, just to name a few. I already had a few essential oils on hand, but I've ordered quite a few more. I'll be making all of these recipes and trying them out, and let you know what I thought of them.

Here's one to get you started. I've been using vinegar and water for cleaning, but I found a recipe that steps up the disinfectant power and gives a nicer scent as well. It works really well as a cleaner.

Essential Cleaner:

2 cups vinegar
2 cups water
1/2 cup rubbing alcohol
25 drops lemon essential oil
20 drops rosemary essential oil
15 drops peppermint essential oil

or I tried tea tree and lavender instead of lemon and rosemary and they worked well too.

The only thing to keep in mind with this one is that if you are switching from vinegar water is no longer okay to let your toddler spray it multiple times into her mouth.

Enjoy! And let me know what you think about crazy time traveling woman. My sis is still eagerly trying to paint a scenario that rests safely in the non-paranormal. How boring is that?

OFF # 7 My Soul to Keep

2010-10-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Keep me safe all through the night and wake me with the morning light. Amen.

The mother pressed a kiss against the soft cheek and turned out the light, leaving the room with one final glance at her drowsy toddler.

As the little one softly breathed in and out, in and out, succumbing to the need for rest, a restless stirring began in the deepest, darkest corner of the room.

Before long it emerged, ugly and dark, crouching along the floor toward the bed with nothing but sinister intent. Evil oozed from every depraved pore, leaving a sticky wake of destruction.

It reached the bed, already exulting in the pure malevolence of taking this innocent life before it reached it’s scaly hands to grab the child by the throat.

Light prevented it. The monster cried out in protest as the aura of illumination grabbed its hands and pulled it back with effortless control.

“You can’t stop me!” the monster wheezed with a triumphant laugh. “You aren’t any more powerful than I. You and me? We’re the same. You won’t stop me.”

The man made of light did not speak. Evil cursed and threw the holy warrior against the wall.
They wrestled for quite some time until suddenly there were footsteps in the hall. A mother peaked back into the room, her face unsettled. She stared around the dark space, seeing nothing, but sensing everything. Quickly she fell on her knees next to the bed, and began to pray.

Evil shrunk back, knowing its power was being sucked away with each effective word the woman spoke to the Creator. It sighed, knowing that now the angelic being of goodness was the least of its problems.

There He was again. Always showing up just when those disgusting little humans started talking that way. Never once did He neglect a sincere appeal from a member of His family. Never once had Evil gotten anywhere once his presence was in the room. In the house. In the neighborhood.

And so Evil slunk back, and shuffled away into nothingness.

The angel smiled, and went back to his post at the end of the child’s bed.

And He went to her. Knelt beside her. Comforted her. Gave her peace.

“It’s safe now. I’m here.”

With a smile, she kissed her little one once more and stood to leave.

“Thank you.” She whispered into the darkness.

And He smiled.

OFF #6 - The Fun House Mirror

2010-10-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

Tall. Short. Wide. Thin.

She turned, her mind’s eye critically sweeping over the reflection. A wall of mirrors, and none to tell her what the true representation might be.

“That one looks most like you.” Someone pointed at a peculiar looking mirror of waves. She saw her distorted face peer skeptically at the glass.

“No, it’s this one. Come here!” The scoff came from the other side of the odd, dark room. A room of wrong dimensions, of optical illusions. Nothing was real.

And everything was real.

She closed her eyes, unwilling to stare another moment at the images that mocked her from every angle. She didn’t want to know she was that ugly. She didn’t want to see the plain features ridiculed by the proportions of this nether world.

“If only there were a truth.” She closed her eyes tightly, swallowing back the lump of hopeless grief in her throat.

“There is.”

She didn’t dare open her eyes, because the masculine voice was beauty in audible form. The tone he carried was perfection, and now the hand on her shoulder was love defined by touch.

“Open your eyes.”

She shook her head stubbornly, capturing her torso with her arms in a gesture of refusal. Even as she did, she mourned the loss she would experience when she could no longer feel his essence close to her.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He answered her silent lament. “And I want you to open your eyes and look at the truth.”

She felt hot tears. “No! I’ve seen it! It’s ugly! It’s not worth looking at! Why should I trust you when I’ve seen the truth for myself?”

“You haven’t.” There was a smile in his words. She wanted to see that smile. More than anything she’d ever wanted. But she couldn’t.

“You haven’t seen the truth. And you should trust me because I love you. As you are. As you look in the mirror I will show you.”

It took several moments for his words to reach her heart and melt her unwillingness. But eventually she allowed her eyes to open slightly. She could see a mirror. And a woman in a beautiful white dress. A beautiful woman.

But it wasn’t the woman that made her open her eyes wide in wonder. Not even when she became orientated enough to realize that the woman was none but herself.

She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She never wanted to, ever again.

Here was truth.

OFF #5 - A Destiny No Coincidence

2010-10-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

The forest loomed dark on the horizon that was quickly relenting to the insistence of night.

Famished and nearly spent, the two skidded to a halt and stared at the eerie shadows of trees reaching gnarled fingers toward their prey.

“I don’t want to go in there.” Julienne said, falling to the ground and pulling her arm away from his clutch. Her hands closed over her throat as if the shadow branches were grasping for her.

“I don’t, either.” Nicholas sighed, out of breath, and kneeled beside her. “But we have no choice. He’s right behind us. If we don’t go in there we have no other way of escape.”

“I’m so tired of running!” Julienne cried. She stood and paced, her arms wrapped around her dress. A beautiful crimson ballgown. Highly inefficient in the matter of keeping one warm. Nicholas also stood and put his arms around her.

“You’re cold.”

She scoffed. “Of course I’m cold. I’m also starving and I need to relieve myself. There never seems to be time for such things. The limits of this… this… succession of events we’re made to engage in… to be – It’s too hard! I can’t do it!”

“You must do it.”

They both whirled around at the sound of his voice. He stood, not a stone’s throw away, with his hands behind his back and a serene smile on his face.

Nicholas tried to hold her back, but Julienne had experienced the worst day of her life and was not to be trifled with. He stepped back in fear and respect of the well dressed gentleman standing confidently with his hands hidden behind his back.

“Why must we do it? Why must we listen to you at all? How is it that you came to be the god of this world? Already today I have watched my entire family burn to death in the untimely and orchestrated fire of our family’s estate. I lost my fiancé to a duel that he neither started nor cared to finish. Somehow this Nicholas fellow saved me from certain doom when a runaway horse and cart became separated on the bridge above where I was standing.”

She dared to take a step closer, though the man didn’t flinch, and his smile remained fixed upon his lips.

“Your horse and cart, was it not?”

“It’s all mine, my dear. Just as you are. You will never be the creator of your own destiny, because I’m the one that created you. So you will mourn your family, pick of the pieces of your heart, and gladly allow Nicholas here to put them back together. I can promise you that in the end, you will live happily ever after.”

She seethed at him as he picked a leaf from her hair. “And how can you possibly promise that?”

He smiled. “Because, my dear heart, I am the writer.”

OFF #4 Flash Nonfiction from the Mind of a Writer

2010-10-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

She set her fingers to the keyboard. From the back of her brain only recently freed from the confines of pregnancy hormones came scenes of highest adventure, deepest mystery, purest romance…

Screaming baby.

She ran up the stairs, suddenly reminded of the fact that it had been exactly 10 days since she had last exercised. Formally.

Back to the table. Deep breath. Fingers poised on the keyboard. She checked. Left on ASDF. Right on JKL:. Thumbs ready for action on the space bar.

This took her back to high school typing class. Fun times. And for once a subject had really come in handy on a regular basis for her entire adult life. Go figure.

Toddler crying.

Pause. Will she cry again? Will Husband tend to her? She hears his footsteps. He goes into the kitchen instead.

She checks the clock. 10:32 p.m. There’s still time. She can write her fiction and still have it posted by midnight.

Husband goes silent. What is he doing in the kitchen? He better not be making a mess. I just got it cleaned up.

FOCUS!

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat… the dog on the chair next to her shakes and barks in his sleep as he chases some imaginary cat.

Time for the story. Where shall I go? Ancient Greece? The Byzantine Empire? Victorian England? Or perhaps deep into the heart of mid-to-late nineteenth century Texas?

What was it about Westerns? It seemed like no matter who you were and no matter what skill level you possessed as a writer, if you wrote a book that was either a Western or an Amish tale, there was some rule that meant you were to be automatically published.

So why had she been told time and time again in her studies as a writer and at various workshops and conferences that you shouldn’t write westerns or Amish books because they’d never get published?

It was a conspiracy.

Enough! Time to write!

Rats. Twenty words over. Twenty-four words over. Time to quit.

OFF #3 - The Moment After Her Death

2010-10-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Her fingernail drumming on the side of the earthen wall sounded like the rain that fell outside the window.

The barred window.

The heavy chains of iron that encased her wrists, now swollen and irritated by the constant rubbing of the metal against her sensitive skin, served as a reminder. A reminder that life would never be the same. A reminder that she had lost everything. Her children were the hardest to lose. To know that she would never lay eyes on their precious faces again felt like a knife through her heart.

When the flames leaped up around her tomorrow morning, consuming her flesh until her spirit could no longer reside within it, she knew it would hurt less than losing her babies had wounded her.

She tried to imagine what death might be like. She had heard her entire life that death was punishment for sin. So certainly it could not be pleasant. Even if she had not committed the crimes she was dying for, she had sinned in other ways. As hard as she had always tried to be good, there were those illusive thoughts and actions that were constantly besting her in her struggle to be perfect.

She could not fathom how she had ended up in this dank cell spending her final night awake and alone. One minute she had resisted the advances of a man not her husband, and the next moment she was being dragged before the council and accused of witchcraft. The townspeople, already out of their minds, controlled by the obsession with eradicating the evil, had been easily convinced of her guilt.

No matter that there was no proof. No matter that her husband had piteously pleaded for her life. No matter that she had three small children she was responsible to care for.

She would die. For an offense she would not have thought of committing on her worst day.

And she did not know where the moment after her death might find her.

OFF with you.

2010-10-20T20:44:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

I know.

I said I would write every day. It's been a few more than that.

I'M SORRY.

I had a daughter who was sick. I was sick. Laundry and dishes and housework piled up. My son decided that since he is now cutting teeth he is excused from being a happy, content baby who sleeps all night.

Life got hard. But I've been thinking about all the blog posts I didn't write. I suppose that's something.

I have a really good post about essential oil uses that will be forthcoming. It's my new favorite hobby. But before that I've decided to join the movement called "October Flash Fiction," orchestrated by fellow blogger Jared in order to get us all writing and reading. I know this is a little unbelievable, but this idea was pretty much exactly what I was thinking about a few posts ago when I said I had a dare for you, then I decided not to try it. Well, with the strength of my fellow bloggers, I invite you to join the craze, a little late like me.

I had strep.

So, if you have a blog and would like to try your hand at flash fiction, here are the details. Add your address as a comment on Jared's blog and finish out the week with us. If you don't have a blog or flash fiction (simply just fiction that is under 300 words) isn't appropriate for your blog, you can add it to mine. Just let me know and I'll post it as long as it is reasonably non-evil.

Here's the info: http://thefallingaction.blogspot.com/

Again I apologize that I have not figured out how to make my links clickable. Someday I will figure that out.

So I look forward to hearing from you. Don't be afraid. Just write. With 300 words, you don't have to have a plot or a setting or even much of a character. Just write something down.

Only five days to go.

Garden Improvement Project

2010-10-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

I may have spent $30 and given a whole day of my life away to feed the squirrels.

It wouldn't be the first time.

I've never been one to attempt to hide the fact that I do not have much of a green thumb. Our neighbors on all sides have beautiful lawns and shrubbery and flowerbeds. Our next door neighbors have a vegetable garden that should be featured on HGTV. He likes to come over and watch me working in my pitiful little garden. And tell me what I'm doing wrong. Maybe one of these days I'll take his advice and things will turn around for me.

I have officially taken the standpoint that it is because all of these said people are retired and have no children living at home. They have the time necessary to make a yard look nice. I have no time, and four children to make it look even worse than it already does.

But every spring I look around at all the beautiful little crocuses peeking up through the dirt and the tulips and daffodils and I get really, really jealous. I want pretty flowers in my yard in the spring too. So I can try in vain to protect them from toddlers and remote-controlled vehicles and such. Because that sounds like so much fun!

Anyway, so I went to Lowe's and made my selections. I came home with around 60-80 bulbs to hide away beneath the soil until spring rolls around. I tried to forget what happened every other time I so lovingly placed these precious little seeds of life into the ground with high hopes for winter's end.

Those stupid squirrels. Rats. I hate them. I hate them with such a vengeance that I don't mind using the word I constantly tell my children not to say. (I think we can see why they constantly say it...)

They dig up my flowers, eat the bulbs as if it were a rat buffet, and then go on their merry little annoying way.

I did my homework, and I had a couple weapons in my arsenal this time. I'm hoping maybe one of them will convince the little varmints to keep their creepy little paws off. I doused all my bulbs in baking soda, because apparently this inhibits the squirrels ability to smell them. Then I put a thick layer of cayenne pepper over the top. Surely that will deter them. I wouldn't want to dig in dirt covered in cayenne pepper.

Hopefully they won't either.

It's ten and my children are quiet. The house is clean. I have nothing to do for the rest of my wakefulness tonight but write. So I'm signing off to go work on my book.

Goodnight!

Look at Me Writing My Novel

2010-10-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

I was writing my novel. Until I realized I had no idea what a "drill press operator" at a train station in 1940 would have done and so I had to head online to do a yahoo search. And what catches my eye on the news but this.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101007/ap_on_re/us_rel_southern_baptists_yoga

I had a mixed reaction when I read this article. My first was probably a reverting to my childhood in Christian school where I continually heard about all the sins I was unknowingly offending God over that He was going to remember and hold against me. The second thought was more welcome. A God who would become like me and die for me and conquer death on top of it JUST SO he could be my Savior and friend - does not care if I wear yoga pants and breathe deeply. In fact, in those rare, quiet moments of meditation it's Jesus that comes to mind, so I'm pretty sure He's cool with it.

If you honestly can't do yoga without worshipping idols or chanting Buddha's name - well then maybe you should stay away from it. I've done yoga or yoga-inspired exercise before, and never once was I ever encouraged to renounce Christ and follow Satan.

Okay. I'm going back to writing my story now. Feel free to comment, whether your response is "He's right - we all must repent of our yoga-practicing!" or "Good grief, do you think you're overreacting to this a little bit, Blogger?" or "Amen, sister, preach it!"

I prefer the last one, just so you know.

I think there's going to be quite a few saints in glory looking down over this world after they've made their exit scratching their heads and marveling that Christianity has actually gone on fine without them. If Jesus doesn't return first, that is.

And no discussing what I meant by "looking down over this world" either.

Pumping it Up

2010-10-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

I had a revolutionary idea this week. Perhaps you might think it was just an excuse to escape exercise but I really think it worked out well.

I took my recent idea for an internet "fast" and applied it to exercise. I didn't exercise all last week. And you would not believe the amount of "when I get the time" jobs I was able to complete. Well, maybe you would believe it. But still. I was astounded.

You are asking me to justify abstaining from exercise as a healthy and acceptable choice? For one thing, it gave me a much needed break from something I feel compelled to do every day but I really don't enjoy very much. I was getting to the point where it was just overwhelming and that is what led to this, but now that I've had a few days reprieve, I feel like I can start doing it again.

I'm thinking of doing this every 7th week. If you think that's weird feel free to tell me so. But I'm pretty sure I'll do it anyway.

Also - a quick herb update. I have been reading - I'm afraid I'm going to have to take back all the nasty things I suggested about nonfiction - and I'm finding that I really enjoy learning about herbal remedies. And I don't want to go into details out of respect for the person that required it but there was a certain herbal remedy that pretty much changed life in our house. Wonderfully effective. No side effects.

I've also done some reading about homeopathy. (Before this I thought that homeopathy was just a general term for anything not considered part of modern medicine.) Actually, homeopathy is a very specific idea that everything can be cured by plants or other natural substances that cause the same symptoms as the disease when they are given to healthy people. I like the philosophy, and I think it could have some value. What concerns me is that it seems like you must be "all in." This may just be my perspective as someone who is just learning the basics, because it is true that the book I was reading said over and over again that these remedies may be used alongside other medicines or procedures and only strengthen the value of other methods. I buy that. But I don't know if I buy that every person can be lumped into the few categories that they posed. I could see how I might fit into 2 or 3 of them.

All this to say is that I think so far I'm finding myself to be very interested in naturopathy but not so much homeopathy. If you can find just cause for me to revisit this conclusion I invite your (courteous) replies.

At Least I Try

2010-09-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

Why is it that pictures other people take of me usually make me want to do a combination of weeping and throwing up, but pictures I take of myself I can sometimes stand?

And also, why is it that when you put the camera above you and shoot down you look skinnier?

That must be why MacGyver thinks I'm good looking. (At first I had "hot" but then I thought of all the people who might read this and decided to tone it down.)

Anyway, this has absolutely nothing to do with my topic. We need a new picture.

That's more like it. And I'll say it again - this is why no one should EVER buy bean bag chairs.

Something occurred to me today. I was throwing out of my closet to bag all the dusty clothes in the back that haven't fit since Toddler came on the scene... (Yes, I realize that sentence was poorly constructed. And I realize I am a writer and that if I want to get myself an agent at some point I really should try harder to be grammatically pleasing to the mind, but I'm going to pull the old "Homeschooling mother of 4 under 7" and beg your pardon.) Anyway, I was pulling out everything that I laugh when I consider trying on, and I found my stash of present size fall/winter clothes. A week ago I was perusing my selection and found my cool weather options strangely lacking, which of course necessitated a trip to the mall.

Now, you are asking how I managed to lose clothes I wore not 6 months ago, but it's been a little longer. I haven't seen most of these clothes for a good two years due to pregnancy and all of it's accompaniments. So I guess I can be allowed a little credit, but still - I would save a lot of money if #1 - I wasn't a different size (postpartum, nursing, newly pregnant and really really pregnant) every time I turn around, and #2 - if I remembered where I put the present category's stash.

I like to say I'm organized, but the truth is I am not. I do spend a lot of time organizing, but everything seems to automatically revert to unorganized.

I am an unorganized person who would really really really love to be organized.

Any tips would be helpful. Not just for the clothes but for any facet of homemaking and homeschooling. And keeping things organized rather than just having to reorganize, if such a thing is even feasible.

Thank you and good night.

Dare You, Part 2

2010-09-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

I realize it's not tomorrow. Upon my word, this is the first time I've sat down to my computer since my last entry.

My weekend consisted mostly of attending a women's retreat with about 50 of the women from my church. If you are a woman and you haven't recently attended a church retreat with other female-type people, you really must. You will hear shocking things about your friends at 3 in the morning and say things about yourself at 4 in the morning that you will later wish to disclaim, but all in all you will not be sorry you went.

I also must say that something very encouraging happened at said retreat. One of the women in our church who is a physician in a family practice gave a short workshop on women's health. She reminded us of routine tests we need or don't need to worry about, she gave us a few tips about some other issues related to women, but it was her final note that made my heart sing. She said that she has been doing some of her own studying and strongly suggests that we get two things out of our kitchens. Trans fat and High Fructose Corn Sugar. She also said it would benefit us to be more active. Here here to acknowledging the problem AND the answer.

This is the first time I have ever heard a doctor say anything like this. I know that there are some that do, but it was a relief to me to hear it in person.

That's going to cost me another heated debate, I'm sure, but I had to say it because I was so pleased.

Now on to the second part of the dare. There isn't one. I had a really good one, but judging by my lack of time, the measly 26 pages of my book that are already greatly in need of revision, and the extreme business of most of you, I just don't think it would work right now. So you're all off the hook.

With that I'll say goodnight.

Dare You

2010-09-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

This is my toddler. Hugging a gravestone. Laughing with glee. She comes by her weirdness honestly, at least.

I've been inspired. I was thinking over all the recent weighty discussions (haha, no pun intended...) and trying to think of moving on with something a little easier. If you have no interest in trying something new, you better leave now. Because I've got quite the challenge for you.

The first part. A debate. This is a sort of fun debate, because there is really no wrong answer, it being a simple preference based mostly on personality. (I think??) Simply put, which is better, Fiction or Non-Fiction?

You might name the two camps thus: Fiction is for people who have Attention Deficit Disorder and have to be tricked into thinking. Non-fiction is for people who have absolutely no imagination.

Which position do you subscribe to? Why? Anyone living a double life and catering to both equally?

I shall give my position, since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. I read 95% fiction. Now, my 5% of nonfiction may actually be a larger quantity than someone else's 100% due to my actual volume of reading, but still, you are far more likely to grab my attention with a story that isn't true, or at least one that's written that way. For example, if you want to teach me about growing a good potato, it's best that you make the potato farmer a beautiful yet misunderstood young woman living in 1734 in Ireland who meets a really strong, yet sensitive and good looking guy who at first spars with her but ultimately falls madly in love with her. You'll do even better by me if they end up getting married and inventing the time machine together and go back in time to save the lost city of Atlantis where they find a colony of aliens who have been living in cognito on planet earth for three hundred years. Now that's a potato book that I will stay up all night to read.

Sorry. Can you tell I love to write fiction? ...Any kind of fiction?

How about you? What floats your boat? What sets your sails? Tell us about it. Tell us why you feel that way. Pretend its the most important debate you'll ever take upon your humble soul. Feel free to be snarky, sarcastic, opinionated and hotheaded, as in the end it's all in good fun and we'll all pretty much keep reading whatever we want to read regardless of what anyone says.

Then the challenge. A little more difficult. I dare you to read whatever it is that you don't usually read. Expand your horizons. For me, this requires that I actually take a look at "How to Sell Your Novel" which has been patiently waiting at the bottom of my library bag for a few weeks. What does it mean for you?

Oh, and in all your snarkiness, make sure you advertise the best book you ever read.

And tomorrow I have an even scarier challenge for you!

And just so you know, spell check doesn't think snarky is a word.

Updates.

2010-09-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

So I've looked some more into medicinal herbs and I'm thinking I'm going to plant a few in my garden next spring. I'm going to try Feverfew, St. John's Wort, Lavender, Peppermint, Chamomile, Sassafras, Yarrow, and maybe a few more. I got the idea in Yorktown, actually - they had a post-Revolutionary farm and in one of the gardens they were growing medicinal herbs all along the edges. I'm excited to try it.

I've discovered as well that the Shred makes my hip and sciatic nerve hurt. So far I'm just pushing through it. I'm hoping it won't get any worse, because my son grabbed the camera a few times on vacation and took some lovely full-body shots of me that made me want to cry.

At least it was the reminder I needed to make myself get better about actually taking time to eat breakfast and lunch rather than just grab snacks all day until the kids are in bed. I've been making sure I sleep 7-8 hours and drink enough water as well.

Am I the only woman out there that has such an uncooperative body the year after a baby comes? I think it has to do with nursing, at least for me. It's so frustrating to eat right and exercise and still look like I frequent buffets and sit on my duff all day.

But I digress. All I can do is try harder.

How is everyone else doing with their commitments to stay healthy? Time for a weigh-in! (Pardon my pun...) Hit the comment button and let us have it.

The Art of Medicine

2010-09-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I can see it, Dr. G. You're already cringing in anticipation of what ridiculousness is about to flow from my mind this evening. It's okay.

I know I have no right to speak of such things, as I never took any higher science classes than high school biology and chemistry. I should be ashamed of myself for what I've been thinking lately. But I've found myself being more and more interested in herbs used for medicinal reasons.

Modern medicine is quite useful, as I've said before and willingly confess once again. I'm entirely grateful that my children will not likely die of fevers or complications of childhood illnesses. I am certainly appreciative in knowing that should some unthinkable accident occur - the amazing talents of surgeons and physical therapists are readily available in a moment's notice. It is a balm to my soul to know that antibiotics are still pretty good at killing bacteria before it kills me.

But I'm not so convinced that every little ache and pain we experience necessitates a trip to the doctor's office. I'm skeptical that the host of medicines we subject our bodies to help any more than they hurt in the long run. The more I go "natural" the more I realize how out of tune with our bodies we really are, and how the choices we make about what goes in affect our health and well being far more than anyone is willing to let on.

So that's why I've found myself wondering more and more about the "medicines" that people have been using for thousands of years. It's never been enough for me to hear an authority on any subject say something is so and accept it without further thought. I want to know whether it is a true statement or partially true or false, based on any myriad of reasons including what someone stands to gain by his claims. That's why I've decided to take our list of complaints in this household and do a little research and test a few claims.

So I look forward to getting back to you on this subject. And as always I invite you to share your own opinion, experiences or beliefs on the topic.

Goodnight!

Book Learning and Such

2010-09-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

Homeschoolers are funny.

No, not funny as in really weird, detached from reality, socially awkward. Just funny.

Let me apologize for my absence. I had every intention of writing while we were vacationing in Williamsburg this past week. I was so tired at the end of every day I didn't touch the computer.

Anyway, I was telling you about funny homeschoolers. We went to Williamsburg this past week while they were having their home education week. There were about twenty homeschoolers in one of our tours. There was no listless staring off into space with arms folded across chests here. Children which ranged in age from kindergartners to high schoolers listened with rapt attention, arms shooting up to answer or ask questions on a regular basis. I think this was a little disconcerting to the guide, who was probably used to glazed over silence. But as she talked next to a field of sheep, one of the sheep got a little curious and decided to come over and investigate. No kidding - every single one of those kids did the exact same thing. A mass migration suddenly moved from the disconcerted tour guide to the sheep in one quick moment. She seemed a little perturbed - probably being used to classes of kids who are expected to stand and listen and not get out of line. But what she didn't realize is that they weren't being disrespectful at all - they were just really excited about learning. And they are used to learning in this way - whatever comes across their path they seize upon and understand it.

All that to say that I think homeschooling is a great idea. That must be why I do it. But it wasn't why I did it at first. When I started our homeschooling journey three years ago, it was because I didn't feel I had any other options. The private school our church housed had closed. Public school scared me witless, having never darkened their halls in all my educational career. I felt a duty to see to it that they learned the correct things, and had an education based on God's Word.

Overwhelmed, I jumped in. And I made mistakes and changed my mind over this way or that method and there were a lot of days I barely got anything done besides, but somewhere between preschool and second grade, I fell in love with teaching my children.

And the reasons I did it in the first place deepened. I realized that it wasn't so much sheltering them from ideas but exposing them to many ideas, holding the candle of the Bible to every one and seeing what held water and what blew smoke. I began to see all the time I would have missed if they were gone every day for so many hours. It occur ed to me that I was learning right along with them, and that the world was starting to take on a different shape in my own mind as well.

I've watched Eldest and now Secondborn enjoy the art of learning. There are no preconceived notions brought on by traditions or expectations of teachers and other classmates. They've never heard it isn't cool to enjoy learning new things. No one ever told them they have to be quiet, so they ask questions freely. They don't have to hurry to catch up or slow to the pace of thirty other kids their own age, so they are never bored or self-conscious.

I was always worried that they would become social outcasts because of a lack of exposure to other children. It has been the complete opposite. They aren't afraid of other kids, so they befriend others easily. They are also very comfortable around adults without that kids vs. adults mentality, so they have many strong relationships with family, friends and neighbors. To be quite honest, I just don't have any reservations about their social interactions anymore.

Homeschooling is a big commitment. I fully know that it takes a lot of time that some people just don't have no matter how much they'd like to. I would never dare to suggest that because I homeschool my kids, I am at liberty to judge others who don't. I'm only sharing my story, in case there might be that reader who feels the call to begin this journey and lacks only the courage.

Don't be afraid!

Homeschooling saves money. Homeschoolers learn to work hard, teach themselves, respect others and excel in the areas they are gifted. They learn to teach younger children, follow their interests and apply knowledge on a daily basis. They grow up relatively free from bullying, peer pressure and distrust of adults.

What are your thoughts? Disagree? Want a chance to voice your opinion about why you have chosen public or private school? Have at it!

There are Ghosts About

2010-09-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

I'm back. It felt more like a few hours than seven whole days, but as promised I have returned to the online world.

I have a story. It's weird. It's a little creepy. It's a little cool. If you think you already heard it, think again. I haven't told anyone the end of the story. Not even MacGyver. So read on. After you look at my really weird picture from the farmhouse at Slate Run Metropark. I have stared at this picture a lot and never been able to explain the big white vortex in the middle. It wasn't there when I took the picture. Someone ruin all my fun and tell me that it's a completely normal camera malfunction or a trick of light. Go ahead.

Anyway, my weird story. A little background. You wouldn't expect a Dominion home slapped together in 1987 would really have that much character that it could boast a weird happening or two. But our run-of-the-mill suburban home has some sort of secret that I have not even begun to figure out in the ten years I have been here.

I'm not going to go into past experiences, because it's 12:15 a.m. and the house is completely quiet and I won't be able to sleep if I get myself all creeped out. I'll save the stories for sometime when it is the blazing hot middle of the day and there are 17,000 children running about.

But anyway, my story from last week during my internet-fast. I went upstairs one night to get ready for bed. I came into my room and immediately noticed that my alarm was set.

This was odd because I did not set my alarm. The kids had not been upstairs since the last time I had been and I didn't think they had done it. MacGyver hadn't touched it, he said. I shrugged and turned it off, being careful to note that the switch had been completely turned to the off position because I did not care to be woken up at 7:15 am if it was not necessary. I went to the bathroom. I came back about 30 seconds later.

IT WAS BACK ON.

MacGyver had been on the other side of the room the entire time. Unless he did it by telepathy, it would have been impossible. The only other person in the room was Baby J, and he doesn't quite have the skills to have pulled that off, unless he's REALLY holding out on us.

So I checked the position of the switch to see if I had just somehow not pulled it forward enough, but it was completely locked in the on position once again.

NOW the story I didn't tell anyone else. The night before, I had a really bad night. The kids were completely out of control and MacGyver was annoying the socks off of me, not that I was wearing any. I specifically remember one point in the evening just staring heavenward and sighing. "I need to know you love me, Lord. I need to know someone loves me."

I know, a fairly infantile thing to say. I got past it and went about my business for the next day until the weird occurrence with the alarm clock. Later that night, as I was telling my sister about it, she conveyed what my brother-in-law said when she told him.

"Leave it on."

I laughed, but then I started to think about it. What if there were a reason my alarm clock had been turned on not once, but twice? Maybe there was something I needed to be up for at 7:15 a.m.

So I turned it back on.

At 7:15 a.m., these were the words I heard.

"I love you. I want you to know. I love you - I'll never let you go."

It was the song "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. And every time I hear it now I smile.

But just because this particular experience can probably be attributed to the divine, we still have a really weird house.

Glad to be back!

Peaches, Peaches, I like Peaches...

2010-08-31T11:33:00.001-07:00

Anyone else remember that game? That was a great game.

Well, I have had so many interesting comments and responses to recent posts, my brain's in overload processing it all. I never expected what God has been doing in me to change my thinking by way of this blog and all the people that have embraced it. I'm thankful to every one of you. If you haven't read the comment section of the last post, please do so post haste! You will not be sorry, and you may be changed for the better. (Name that song!)

I had a reminder from a reader-friend by way of facebook that I forgot something important in my baby-food making. (Baby FOOD making, not baby making! Ha!) She referred to the list of fruits and veggies that have the most pesticide and chemical residue on them, and PEACHES are number one. (At least on the list I have.) So I should have peeled my peaches before I pureed them unless they were organic, and I'm not positive they were. While we're on the topic, does anyone have a good way to peel peaches? Does the skin come off after a few seconds in boiling water? That works for tomatoes. I'm wondering if it would work for peaches. I guess there's one way to find out.

I have much to say today. I'm going to try to pack it all into one post, because I'm taking a week-long hiatus from facebook and blogger as I try to get in the swing of homeschool plus toddler and nursing infant. Fun times! Toddler has also decided the first week of school is as good a time as any to potty train herself, so we've had the added pleasure of toilet paper stuffing up the toilet, and a naked little bottom running everywhere. I'm sure you wanted me to share.

So, in the matter of finances, I found a good article that helped me feel a little better about the amount of money we are spending on food as a family of six. Here's the link to the article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29681240/ In a nutshell it says that from ultra-frugal to liberally spending, people very from about $550 to over $1000 a month for groceries for a family of four. Of total yearly income, around 10-12% is the average for groceries/food. Which we fall comfortably into.

In the matter of health, I'm afraid I have to admit my failing once again. With school starting, and a hip that has been hurting, I've been very lax as far as the Shred and the elliptical the past few days. I need some motivation. I can't dig up the will lately. HELP ME!

In the matter of relationships, I've been learning from this blog that when we tear down walls of criticism and judgment of others we find out lots of interesting things about the people around us. I'm learning that confrontation and discussion of important problems is necessary to tear down said walls, and that HONESTY is key. So I'm being honest even if it gives me an ulcer. You are welcome as well.

In the matter of spirituality, I just have to say that I decided to just take my mp3 player to the elliptical last night instead of netflix, and I had an awesome time of worship listening to a few amazing songs. Talk about stress relief! Go to http://sovereigngracemusic.org/ for some GREAT music (they often have free songs, you can become a fan on facebook for info), or check out the Christian section at amazon.com mp3 downloads. So much good stuff out there! My current faves: "Rock of Ages" by Sovereign Grace, "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real, "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson, "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless, "Strong Enough to Save" by Tenth Avenue North, "How He Loves" by David Crowder Band. I have more if you want them. Just ask.

So I leave you for one week. In the meantime I'll be researching the ideas that you had for future posts. Thank you again for reading my blog and taking the time to think with me and respond. I'm grateful for how God is using you in my life.

Have a great week!

What to do with Entertainment, Part 2

2010-08-30T10:19:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry. I got really tired last night at 12:39 a.m. for some strange reason. I didn't even get to my point so I'm sure I was entirely confusing.

There is one thing about entertainment that I want to make stridently clear. Stridently.

I have not "arrived" in this area. I am still testing the limits of my conscience, guided by the Holy Spirit.

I know that my top ten yesterday have elements that are negative as well as ones that are positive. My struggle is with that balance. I call myself a "big picture" Christian. I want to know what the main point of anything is. The thing to remember, is that the Bible has a great deal of sex, violence, and all manner of nasty happenings and people. They aren't the point, and they are never portrayed positively, but they have to be there to get the whole picture.

That's why I find Christian entertainment overwhelmingly benign. I enjoy it, and I support it, because I'm hoping it will improve, but somehow we got it into our heads that being a good Christian means ignoring evil. We are supposed to be "wise as serpents and innocent as doves." How can we do that if we take apart every work of art and fiction and entertainment the world offers and pick it apart to point out the frailties of human nature, as if we ourselves do not possess that same nature and were just as much slaves to it as them at one point?

I have heard the term "Pagan Christians" referred to in this culture, and I do think there is a definite strain of this disease making it's way through the body of Christ. The Bible says in Revelation that this time will be marked by "lukewarmness," so of course it is going to affect us. But I am not sure that this term is as all-inclusive as some seem to want to believe. It goes back to that judging issue. We are not at liberty to judge others based on where they are in their relationship with Christ, and just because one person is more sensitive to something than someone else does not necessarily mean that the second person is wrong or engaged in behavior displeasing to Christ unless the Bible clearly says so.

I'm going to be pretty blunt with the previous generation or two. You've got a few ideas that don't seem quite biblical. It seems like you've twisted a few things said in the Bible to meet your own preferences and traditions. So when I hear you say that Twilight is evil because it is about a fictional character called a "vampire" and Wicked is evil because the main character is referred to as a witch by others, well, it just makes me think of your heroes. I grew up in a group that REALLY liked Shakespeare. I like parts of Shakespeare too, but there are enough negative elements that I could call it "pagan" as easily as some call modern entertainment the same. Shakespeare was sarcastic, inconsistent in his theology, risque and he liked to use edgy language. If this is acceptable just because he's a few hundred years removed, that doesn't make sense to me. It seems hypocritical, if I can be perfectly honest.

That being said, I am not speaking from a podium of all-knowing wisdom. I am still VERY much working through this. I can only be honest and tell you the things that have made my wheels turn and my brain figure things out about people and places and happenings that caused me, in turn, to be inspired to create.

And now, from one clueless blogger to you, I ask for your wisdom and insights. Tell me where I'm way off, let me know if you agree.

Thanks for reading!

What to do with Entertainment?

2010-08-29T20:51:00.001-07:00

This is a hard post to write. Because I know that everyone has wildly different ideas about entertainment. Mostly based on generation. And I'm sure to offend someone no matter what I say. But I'm not writing to please anyone except the Lord, so I write.

There is part of me that would like to either skip this topic completely or dance around it a little bit. Because there are some people in my circles who think they have this all figured out, and tend to judge others based on everything they don't know. I'm talking about people who judge something without ever reading/watching/listening to it. With some things, of course, this is appropriate. When something is filled with objectionable content or has a message that does not line up with the Bible, it's pretty obvious from the description or the commercial. But there's plenty of entertainment that has really inspired me over the years that I could have judged from the outside and missed out.

I'm going to take a deep breath now and give my top ten most inspiring ever in the area of entertainment. These are things that have made me think more deeply, have inspired my own creative process by either the subject matter or the characters (usually the latter) and yes, all of these have helped me become closer to Christ in one way or another. If you don't like this list and want to judge me, go ahead. You can even comment your judgment. But you have to give your top ten first. And even if you don't want to judge me you can also leave your top ten. I'd really like you to. And we're all going to be completely and totally honest and not say anything fake just to keep others from judging us. All right. Here goes. In no particular order. (It's a given that the Bible is number one.)

The Passion of the Christ (movie)

Fringe (television)

The X-Files (television)

Harry Potter (secular book series)

Twilight Saga (secular book series)

Mark of the Lion (Christian book series)

Lost (television)

Wicked (musical)

The Sound of Music (musical/movie)

Anne of Green Gables (classic book/movie)

Pride and Prejudice (classic book/movie)

About now you're saying "Wow. She makes a whole lot more sense now." Or "She makes no sense whatsoever." My sisters are just thinking about all the things I left out. I will too. Later.

These are the things that first come to mind. Some are recent, some go back to my childhood. You may notice that the list is heavy on the secular. There is a reason for that. I have a problem with stories that don't really present problems. So far, Christian literature, television and movies don't have the kind of depth that inspires me. There are exceptions in literature, especially in the past few years. I'm still waiting for Christian movies to loose that cheesy twinge and be believable. "Fireproof" came closer. That might have made my top twenty.

Anyway, it's not my point today to nitpick. I should really get to bed. I think we'll have to continue this discussion tomorrow.

So until then, leave your top ten most inspiring.

Where We Miss the Mark

2010-08-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all who chimed in with topics we could discuss. There were some excellent ideas, and I'm excited to do some research and bring some of those things to you in the next few days.

I'm going to switch around the order a little, and start with the topic I promised I would get to - as a follow up to the post about "rules" we tend to treat as biblical, when in fact they are simply tradition or preference.

But as we all realize, there's another side to the proverbial coin. As important as mentioning when we have added rules, it's equally important to bring up the rules that we don't take seriously.

You know. The ones we snicker at. The ones we giggle behind our hands and act like they are cute or sassy, or the ways we really act like God got it wrong and we've decided that this or that command he gave doesn't apply to us. The Bible defines sin as "missing the mark." So we'll look at the ways we've been missing God's mark in favor of our own.

This is a hard post to write. Because admitting it surely puts me on the spot to do something about it in my own life and heart. Reading it will do the same for you, so if you prefer to remain ignorant, you may want to skip this.

Seriously. I'm about to start. Skedaddle if you're not into changing behavior.

I almost skedaddled too. Then I remembered I'm the writer.

There are lots of possibilities. But I chose three to talk about today. Two of them are very convicting for me. The first one is a pet peeve of mine that will be easier to talk about so I'll start with that one.

1.Disrespecting God's name. I grew up being taught that you should even capitalize the pronouns when referring to God. Jews don't write his name completely, leaving the "o" out and replacing it with a -, because they do not want to be in a situation where they might have to erase God's name. They also refrain from speaking it. Over and over in the old and new testaments, God reminds us that his name is powerful. Pray in it, and see miracles. Speak in it and you've given what you're about to say quite an introduction.

So how exactly do you disrespect a name? This culture doesn't take names too seriously. When you ask someone why they named their child whatever they named them, they usually say "because I liked how it sounded." Names mean something to God. He thinks through what he names people. He has hundreds of names for himself in the Word. Revelation says our name is written in his book of life when we put our trust in Christ and choose to make him our Lord.

Exodus 20:7 says "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." This seems pretty clear cut. Use it the right way or don't use it at all.

So how do we misuse God's name? It's interesting that in order for a movie to be rated "R" it has to use expletives that are considered particularly coarse by the culture, but misusing God's name is perfectly acceptable on educational pre-school cartoons. To me, the most shocking words you could use are not the ones that make my skin crawl.

Try these on for size. "Oh my God," "Oh my Lord," "Jesus Christ," "Holy [insert just about anything]," "Jesus," "God," "God Almighty," "God in heaven." We hear these A LOT and not just in church listening to the preacher pray. They are purely and simply "misusing God's name" and according to Exodus 20:7, users incur guilt.

Let's take it a step further. We have sanitized versions of the above, that even most Christians don't think twice about using. What about "Oh my Gosh," "Golly," "Lordy," "Geez," "Gee," "Oh my goodness," (I am guilty of that one, so I suppose I have some work to do on my own language as well.) There's also curse words that we use that don't take God's Word seriously, and are therefore a misuse of his words. "Damn it," (or "darn,") "What the hell," (or "heck,") "God Damn" or ("Gosh darn,") or even "Awesome," (I overdo this one) or "Amazing."

What's left to say? You ask. I ask. Well, maybe the point is, don't say anything. The Bible says "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." Probably a good idea. Not probably.

WHEW! Quotation overload. Now that we are all appropriately convicted, let's move on.

2. Gluttony (or self-indulgence). We all think immediately and only of food when we hear the word "gluttony." It is certainly enough to convict me. But there is a bigger principle involved. Our country is (WE are) excessive to the extreme in all the wrong places. We never get hungry because we are always eating. We overdose on entertainment, on sweets, on clothes, on possessions and call it being "blessed." You and I both know that when we want something, we usually get it.

The Bible says that anything we try to fill ourselves up with that isn't Jesus is going to give us problems. (For study, read Genesis 25:30-34, Numbers 11, Hebrews 12:16-17, Exodus 16:20, 21, 27, Proverbs 23:2, Daniel 5. John 4:10, Ephesians 5:15-18,James 5:5) So in order to prevent us from knowing the apathetic, lifeless, sluggish existence that comes from overdoing anything, God told us to only overdo him. Only be passionate about Christ. Only let the Spirit consume you, because if you let anything temporary replace him, you regret it.

In short - we were created to thrive on worshipping and loving God, to give him glory. If we worship or love anything else in that same way we have missed the mark and not done what is best for ourselves or him.

3. Judging. We call it other things. "Concern for." ("I'm concerned for so-and-so because of what I think they did or said or thought, so we better pray for them.) Basically, sanitized gossip. God has strong words for judgmental Christians in Romans 14. Seriously, read it. Right now. I did, and I immediately thought about all the ways I do not obey. Matthew 18 gives us the only exception. If a fellow believer SINS AGAINST YOU. And even then, the first step is to talk about it openly between only that person and yourself. Only in cases of extreme rebellion and sinfulness are issues to be brought up with anyone else.

That's incredibly convicting. I guess I've got some work to do inside.

Well, enough conviction for one day, I say! If you've got it all together in these areas, congratulations! If not, leave a comment and let me know we're on the same page and we'll keep each other accountable.

Next I'll be tackling the topic of entertainment and what God has to say about it. If I tried to do it here I'd have one of those REEEAALLY long posts and nobody likes a long winded blogger.

So until next time!

Still Here

2010-08-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

I know that you think I have all failed. I know that you think I am not going to finish what I start. The truth is, it's hard to think of new things to say for some of these topics. I can usually think of a spiritual or relational post, but the others are giving me some trouble.

That's why I'm asking for your help. What are some things you'd like to discuss here? Is there something you'd like to know more about in one of these areas that I could research and post on, get a discussion going?

Now's the time to speak up. If no one comments, I'll take that as a hint that we may have exhausted these topics for now, until something new comes to me.

What about finances? What about the environment? What about health? Let me have it.

Mom's Best Organic

2010-08-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a few days. Perhaps you are not.

Second of all, I'm sorry in advance to the majority of you who will find my topic of choice today incredibly non-applicable to your own situation. Perhaps you will say that I should keep it to myself if it's not helpful to most. And perhaps you would be right. But perhaps I would remind you that this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want to write about.

But that would be rude. So again, I apologize.

Anyway, now that everyone has rolled their eyes and clicked off my boring, unhelpful blog, I will get to my point. Baby J has reached the ripe old age of four months, and has been spending dinner time perched in someone's arms staring intensely at our food and drooling a river all over his clothes. I know that I can't hold him off much longer, so my thoughts have turned to how I am going to appropriately and as inexpensively as possible feed this next little human in the line of little humans I have to feed.

I'm sure his appetite will rival his brother and sisters, who will quite possibly have eaten us out of house and home by the time they reach puberty, after which they will most likely eat us out of everything after that which is possibly left. Baby J shows no signs of being any different. It seems that MacGyver and I can only create famished eating machines. And so poor MacGyver's salary for the next twenty years or so will be spent keeping these people from eating the furniture.

In the past, I've bought just about every kind of baby food you can imagine. Now that I'm in my organic/natural state of mind, there really is no option (at Walmart, anyway) but Earth's Best Organic. I have completely forgotten how much these little 2 1/2 oz jars cost, but I believe it's around a dollar (possibly a little less for the smallest jar.)

So today I rounded up Eldest and we went to the farmer's market to buy $3-4 worth of peaches. At the grocery store I bought extra organic baby carrots (Somewhere around $3.) I set about my experiment in the kitchen, armed with a food processor and ice cube trays. I cooked the carrots until they were not quite as crunchy as raw, but not soft. I washed off the peaches, cut them in half, removed the pits and stuffed them into the food processor. Everyone complained and put their hands over their ears, but regardless, about three minutes later we had pureed peaches, almost exactly like the jars of peaches only I left the skin on so there are red flecks.

After that, the carrots met their demise. These needed some of the water that I cooked them in to get to the right consistency, and a few minutes later around 60-70 1 oz portions were in the freezer. A couple hours after that, I transferred them to a ziploc bag where they will happily await Baby J's anticipated baby food debut.

35 jars of baby food would be.... uh.... (I'm afraid to guess because my math is just THAT bad.) around $30 I suppose? Give or take? Feel free to shame me if I am wrong. And I spent a whopping $6.

I'm a happy camper. So when I am about spending horrid amounts of money on food for this crew, I can keep in mind that it could always be more.

Comments? Suggestions? Math corrections?

Explanations

2010-08-14T18:14:00.001-07:00

I have made my decision, I have staked my claim.
I have drawn the line in the sand, and I'll not be ashamed
With the world behind me, and the cross before
By the grace of God, I will serve the Lord. - Carman

Here comes another one.

I felt like last week I didn't explain myself very well when I spoke about some things I learned as a child that I had to unlearn as an adult. I sort of spoke to those who already agreed with me rather than explain myself to those who would disagree. Honestly, I really didn't think anyone would disagree. So I'm here this week to more softly explain why I came to the conclusions I have on those topics, as well as talk about something else: Things that are undeniably biblical that we do not take seriously as Christians and that weaken our credibility and therefore our testimony.

1. In the matter of dancing and lively music. I grew up in a very conservative Pastor's family and church. And an even more conservative Christian school. My parents preferred their church music to sound different than their secular music. My school basically said that anything with a beat was offensive to God.

So at first I felt guilty for not only appreciating the sounds of orchestral music and choir singing, but also the "Christian contemporary" music of the time. In fact, there was very little music I didn't respond to. I loved the variation and the different "personalities" of musical styles.

So I examined my guilt and determined to get to the bottom of it. Was there a biblical mandate to point to that would give me some direction? I realized that no matter what it was, if there was something in my life that was offensive to God, I didn't want to hold on to it.

Around this time, a new singer came onto the stage. His name was Carman, and his style was... different. In fact, he had many styles. He did ballads, he did story songs, he did hymns, he did rap, he did other things that were unique to him alone. He had fun with music. But it wasn't just his musical creativity that drew me to his ministry. It was his passion. It was his unfailing, unreserved, limitless passion for Christ, and for seeing young people come to know the Lord. I can say without any reservation within that his love and tenacious commitment to Jesus Christ set fire to my own relationship with my Savior. He taught me that it was okay to love Jesus with abandon, to be devoted to the Word and to express it in whatever way he had put in my spirit to do so.

To their credit, though my parents didn't understand our connection to his music, they supported it. Probably because they could see it was building us up, nurturing our faith that was just starting to set off on its own. There were those at my school that disagreed strongly with my choices. But through it all, they could offer me nothing biblical to stand on. The only thing God kept leading me to was the verse that says quite clearly "Do not let your good be evil spoken of."

So I didn't. And I still won't. I'm here to say with all the conviction I can muster that God never intended for his people to be separated because of different musical preferences. Over and over God says for his people to be united. To be one. To get past the petty arguments and traditions we get stuck in our heads and learn to love one another even though we're different.

I remember hearing more than once in my childhood that denominations were good. That we shouldn't worship with people who have different interpretations of Scripture. That we shouldn't have to be exposed to other people who believe different things than we do, because all we would do is fight. I just can't find any biblical evidence for that. In fact, 1 Corinthians 1 refutes that quite clearly:

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there are quarrels among you. What I mean is this: One of you says, "I follow Paul"; another, "I follow Apollos"; another, "I follow Cephas[a]"; still another, "I follow Christ."

Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized into the name of Paul? I am thankful that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, so no one can say that you were baptized into my name. (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I don't remember if I baptized anyone else.)For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with words of human wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

So I don't buy the "if we can't get along we aren't responsible to be unified" argument. God wants us to figure out how to get along. ALL his children, not just the ones that agree with each other.

Wow. I did not mean to be so long winded. You long winded posters are rubbing off on me!

2. Alcohol from a biblical perspective. I didn't even give this a second thought until I was an adult. I went to my fiance's family's home for the first time at Christmas. At dinner I was offered a glass of champagne. Righteous indignation rose up within me and I wanted to shout "absolutely not!" and run out of the room. But then I wondered if anyone would ask me why. Actually, the first time I refused, I think some of them did ask me why. And I had no reasonable answer. If I had already come to the prayerful conclusion that I wanted to refrain from alcohol use because I was fearful of the pull it might have on me, I could have honestly said that and everyone would have accepted it. But the only answer I had was "Because it's wrong!" and I had no proof of that whatsoever. The Bible says several times that drunkenness is wrong. Not alcohol.

So I accepted a glass of champagne. And I drank it, waiting for it to take over my mind and make me lose all reason and become a heathen. It didn't do one single thing to me. And from that moment on I decided if I couldn't come up with a reason to condemn it, I wasn't going to make it an issue between me and people in my life that would be confused by my condemnation without clear, simple, biblical truth to back it up.

(This being said, I really and truly do not mind that some Christians abstain. I think that's a responsible thing to do if you have a reason to. Even if you don't have a reason, no where in the Bible does God say drinking something that has alcohol in it is mandatory. What I cannot do is judge another person based on choices they have made that are between their conscience and God's Word. What I cannot do is lead a younger and more naive Christian to believe that abstaining from alcohol makes them more righteous in God's eyes. Because I have no Scriptural proof.)

And I have to address this idea that floats around in conservative circles that biblical wine was not alcoholic. I have researched biblical times quite thoroughly for books I have written, and not once did I find any evidence for this theory. I did find that "cheap" wine was watered down, and poor people usually drank cheap wine. But they tended to drink wine as a replacement for water, because the alcohol kept them from getting sick with tainted water. The wine that proceeded Jesus' wine in his first miracle would have been the cheap watered down sort that a wedding ended on because no one noticed at that point. His apparently had some kick to it.

If anyone can offer any proof to the contrary, I am open to adjusting my views with some good solid evidence.

3. The Puritan thing. I am NOT saying that there weren't Puritans who loved the Lord and lived for him to the best of their ability. There are some beautiful writings that have been preserved for us from the time. And I do admire their tenacity to cross an ocean, face disease and all manner of hardship to set up a new country. But I must speak about the first time I doubted the sugar-coated version of the historical record I learned.

It was one of those documentaries where people are chosen to live for a period of time exactly as some group in history lived. A pastor's family was chosen to live the Puritan life. I will never forget that Pastor looking through the documents and records, seeing the undeniable legalism and intolerance and being in tears because he had been taught so differently. These were people that outlawed Christmas. These were people who burned innocent people at the stake because someone called them a witch. These were people who humiliated one another and antagonized anyone who dared to question the powers that be. A good deal of them were Pharisees, pure and simple.

We can't look at history the way we want it to be. We can't just pick out the parts we like and reject the rest. There is real danger in doing so, because if we can't look honestly at what's happened in the past we will most certainly repeat it.

So I don't ask you to agree with me, and I doubt anyone has even made it to the end of this post. But if you're still here, you are welcome to refute and argue any point I've made with Scripture. I am glad to have those of you who disagree here, because I think it's important to talk these things through. We've been avoiding issues for too long. Let's think these things through together. I am not perfect, I can be just as wrong as anyone else, and I will not hold on to anything that God would have me let go.

I guess my next topic will have to wait for next time. I want to discuss the things that Christians do that are most certainly not okay according to the Bible. You probably can already guess what they are. And it's not as easy to write, because it's going to convict me as much as anyone else. Time for more changes!

Go ahead. Comment away. My fingers are tired.

Book of Faces

2010-08-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

No, these guys weren't doing their social networking online. They were playing star wars lego games. Very serious, world changing star wars lego games, apparently.

I'm pondering. What kind of name is "facebook?" I realize it's catchy and modern and edgy... but it doesn't have anything to do with the site. There are no faces (unless you upload one, I guess) and it's not a book. Facebook makes me think of a phonebook that has the pictures of everyone listed. Is that what facebook was created for? To be a listing of people's faces and information in order to contact them?

I guess it makes a little sense. But I still don't like it.

Oh well.

Anyway, I'm wondering today about whether our obsession with online social interaction is a positive or negative influence on our relationships or perhaps both. I'm also wondering if that sentence was properly constructed, but only my sister would have noticed if it wasn't until I decided to point it out...

I'm a bit rambly today. I suppose you could tell. It's probably a good idea to refrain from blogging when rambly. It's probably also a good idea to resist the urge to make up words. Blog wasn't even a word till a few years ago, so you never know when you're going to create the next new thing. Or... word. I wonder if all the teenagers will soon be saying "rambly." Not that all the teenagers think I'm altogether that cool.

I really need to stop. I should probably do some backspacing as well but I won't, because I'm just that lazy today. Hey, "backspacing." I made up another word. I'm so creative.

All right, I'll get to the point. Is facebook the creator of new friendships, the sustainer of old ones, and the builder of the established? Or is facebook creating a society that hides behind computer screens and increasingly finds it difficult to talk to people face-to-face, one-on-one?

Here are my thoughts.

Yes. To both.

What? I have to explain? Alright.

Facebook has helped me make some new friends. There are people in my circle that were too shy to talk to me and I took their shyness for revulsion so I didn't talk to them, because I'm a bit "shy" myself in some ways. So becoming friends on facebook and realizing all the things we had in common gave them and me the courage to talk in person. So now, I've got a few friends I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Facebook has helped me to find long lost friends. My high school principal (the awesome kind of principal,) my close friend who grew up down the street from me, my old piano teacher, one of the boys in my class all the way through school, my two best buds in college. You all have these stories too. In fact, there aren't too many people from my past I wasn't able to find on facebook. I wouldn't have any connection to these people or even know where they are if it weren't for facebook.

Facebook has sustained present relationships. I hate the phone. Those of you that have called me know I don't answer it all the time. I don't even respond to messages sometimes that clearly say "please call me back at this number." I send a facebook message instead. I know, it's a little weird to have a phone phobia. If you also have one please let me know I'm not alone. Or else I might have to have myself commited to overcome my irrational fear of telecommunications.

So I facebook people instead. I suppose this is because I am far more confident behind my written words than my spoken. And if that's weird then I willingly own my weirdness.

But I also think it's possible for facebook to come between people if you let it. If you never talk face to face, if you never have that human contact that grows you as a person, if you never learn to read other people's body language, their expressions... well, that's all part of knowing someone else.

So that's my two cents for the day. I'm sorry I'm not wealthy in wisdom and able to provide 25 cents or 50.

If you've got anything to add, start typing!

Chicken Little

2010-08-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

Some of us, maybe even the majority grew up being taught to be skeptical of everything. You know, "trust no one" and so on. So my thoughts today may seem a little dire. You can roll your eyes and even make cracks at me in your comments. I welcome any kind of feedback because I am just that desperate to be heard. Or read, rather. I don't really want to be heard because that would involve talking and I'm not so in to that. Ask MacGyver. Drives him crazy.

So, I've been thinking with the predictions in the news lately that we should be planning ahead. Up till about 90 years or so ago, we had no strong antidote for disease and infection. Then someone discovered antibiotics. Well, since then we've kind of figured we are set. No silly little germ is going to get us down. We have been safe for so long that we haven't even entertained the thought that someday the germs might overcome our defenses.

Well, I think it's happening. Unless the stories in the news are pure fiction, we might be seeing the beginning of a return to life without antibiotics.

So what does this mean? Will the devastation of the early 20th century repeat itself? Who knows. Anything is possible in a degrading and imperfect world. I am hopeful that Jesus will return before this, but that's a rather selfish thought in light of what he's waiting for.

So anyway, what to do? I've been thinking about this. At least we know that handwashing, wearing masks and gloves can slow the spread of disease. We know that staying out of public places as much as possible will offer some protection. We know that rest, good nutrition, and isolation of sick people will help. I suppose if it came to be that a disease was starting to run rampant, it would be smart to stock up and stay in. Of course, that's what everyone does when crisis comes. So why not start to stock up now, before everyone else is doing the same thing? Why not keep a supply of food and drink in the basement, using it as we go and restocking it to keep it fresh?

That's part of the reason I've gone to a 1-3 month space between the bulk of my groceries. The biggest reason is just having time to homeschool instead of taking 4 children shopping every week.

And that's another thing I'm kinda glad I'm doing now instead of later. Homeschooling. That's a topic for another day, because I know we have all sorts of opinions and preconceived notions about it. So did I. Until I did it. But anyway, at least we are all set if the next plague hits.

Okay, your turn. Go ahead and scoff and scorn and rebuke me. I can take it. I'm the one that started it!

Have a great and germ-free day!

More Diaper Buzz

2010-08-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to go on about this. I know I've already reported on our experiences in switching to cloth diapers. But I feel compelled to say again how happy we've been with this change, and to offer a few suggestions to those who are seriously considering this possibility.

1. Give it a few weeks. It took about 3 weeks for me to figure out how to use cloth diapers to their fullest potential. It is absolutely true that if you don't care for them properly or adjust them appropriately you will have problems. But when you get into a routine that works for you, they work just as good if not better than the best disposables out there. I think it's very true that they do not reach their highest capacity of liquid retention until you've washed them a few times. At first I had to change them every 2 hours to prevent leaks. Now I change them about as often as I did with disposables. (Which wasn't often.)

2. Rinse. Many cloth enthusiasts insist that this is not necessary. That to clean cloth diapers you only need to knock solids in the toilet and throw them in the washer. Maybe for some this is true, but for our particular situation, for the consistency of my kid's "solids" or "not-so-solids" I really have to rinse them out for effective cleaning. It may also have to do with having a high efficiency washer, which doesn't use anywhere near as much water or soap as a regular washer. What MacGyver did for me is install one of those cheap plastic sink/tubs next the washer with a sprayer. I spray off everything I can with cold water and then just leave the diaper to soak in an inch or so of cold water until my next load of diapers. Before I added this step, all of my diapers were coming out of the washer and dryer dingy and with a little bit of a questionable smell.

3. Follow care instructions carefully. Cloth diapers need special care. They shouldn't be cleaned with much detergent at all and it should be either homemade or approved by the manufacturer. I didn't follow this advice with cloth pull-ups I bought in the past and you can tell by looking at them. If you overload with detergent and bleach they will not work as well and their life expectancy will not be as long. And if they start to leak, chances are they just need to be rinsed and rinsed and rinsed without soap for awhile to get the buildup off. This is known as "stripping."

The instructions warn that using vinegar, baking soda or bleach too often will cause buildup. I try to use just a splash of vinegar every other or every 3 times I wash. And when they start to have a slight odor, I use just a tablespoon or so of bleach, but I am cautious about only doing this every few washes. It does take care of any smell starting to emanate.

4. Adjust. The diapers I bought have adjusters inside them. I had to play around with them and find out what settings Baby J needed to keep them from leaking. I also learned to put them on to prevent leaks too. You have to keep the front up high as you are snapping them in place, then pull the back up and make sure the elastic around the legs is snug against the skin. Since I learned to do this, they rarely leak.

Again, I will reiterate - I've been extremely happy with this decision. They are not bothersome. They save you money after a few month's use. They save garbage dumps from unnecessary refuse. They save baby's bottom from unnecessary chemicals and irritants. They are an all around good idea, and I'm thankful to have them!

A New Plan

2010-08-09T21:18:00.000-07:00

Something someone posted or said to me recently stuck. And my first reaction to it was negative. Something like "That would NEVER work!" And then I got to thinking how nice it would be if it did work.

I suppose it might be helpful if I share with you the idea first. Someone told me that they buy the bulk of their groceries at the beginning of the month. For the rest of the weeks they only buy things such as milk or produce. In my mind I argued that this is just impossible, to buy so much at one time and be able to plan for an entire month in one shopping trip.

But I decided to try it.

At the beginning of the month I went to Sam's. I got three month's worth of the things I buy there (toilet paper, paper towels, olive oil, nuts, etc.) Then I went to Trader Joe's and got what I could only get there, enough for a month. Organic meat, cheese, Ezekiel 4:9 bread, etc. Then I went to Meijer (yes I did this all in one day with four children!)and got things there that Walmart doesn't have (organic salsa, cereal, etc.) The rest of the month I go to Walmart for a quick trip and get the produce and such for the week. It sounds complicated, but it's working out! I think this is going to help us when homeschool starts in a couple weeks, especially since I've got myself a new kindergartner this year!

So all this to say, thanks for the idea!

Ruffling Feathers

2010-08-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

I sit here in trepidation. Because what I have to say today might upset a few people. I've got some words for my fellow Christians. The born again, baptized, Spirit filled variety. And I've got a few caveats before I begin.

1. These are my opinions. I am not saying with 100% confidence that I'm absolutely right on all of them.

2. I believe with all my heart that the Bible is truth. If you disagree with me please do it biblically. It's the language I speak.

3. I am not trying to start an argument. I'm just asking my brothers and sisters to consider my words. Disagreements are invited. But any poster must keep in mind that I have four small children and am a little short on time. Please keep your words as few as possible if you want me to respond, and be direct.

4. Some of you might agree with me. Please say so, because if we continue to hide behind traditions that aren't based on truth then we'll have a hard time growing into a new place.

Here goes. I hate this. I hate picking fights. Even though that's not really what I'm doing.

Here are my top three things that I was taught growing up (Christian school, mostly) that I've come to realize weren't exactly biblically originated.

1. Dancing and Rock and Roll is of the devil. I think we're all pretty much past this but I'm just saying.

2. It's wrong to drink even a sip of alcohol. Actually, this is not just questionable, it is unbiblical. The Bible says at least once that wine is a gift to gladden the heart of man. What the Bible warns strongly against is abuse of alcohol. Drunkenness. This just goes right back to the garden. God said "Don't eat from that tree" and Eve added "And don't touch it either." Why in the world do we always think we have to add addendum's onto God's decrees?

3. The Pilgrims/Puritans were a bunch of courageous, holy people who risked their lives to begin a country where we could follow God the way we want to and because of that America belongs to Christians. It's true that they left England and came here to start a new way of life where they could be free of persecution. But in truth most of them just started persecuting one another instead. They were a narrow minded, nasty bunch that basically wanted to start their own religion based on legalism. I didn't like hearing this when I started reading into it and realized everything I'd been taught was a great stretch from the truth. And again, I'm sure there were a few decent people who had good intentions. But living the Puritanical life wasn't what we claim we should "get back to." It was hell.

This is why I don't buy into the "reclaim America for Jesus" crusade. There have been many strong, able leaders in our country that loved the Lord. There still are. It's true we are free (at the moment) to mostly worship the way the Bible instructs us to. That is a blessing from God. I'm VERY grateful for all the men and women who have given their lives to keep this country free. It is an oasis in a sad world. But sometimes the things that Christians get up in arms over embarrass me as a fellow believer. Maybe it's just that some people who call themselves Christians don't really know what God is all about. To know, all you have to do is look at Jesus. He expected persecution. He withstood it. He never tried to take over any countries or crusade against evil empires. Because he knew that it wasn't time for his kingdom yet. If we belong to him, it's not time for our kingdom yet either. So we need to get over America belonging to us. It doesn't.

Well, I said it. Maybe if we all took a good hard look at what we're standing for and shook off all the excess that we've added to what God said, people might take us a little more seriously. Maybe if we tried building relationships and telling the truth about how broken we are or were and what God did or is doing to fix us then we might be able to help others.

Leave a comment if you have something to say. Thanks for reading.

Goodnight.

Tortoise meets Hare

2010-08-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

First of all, before I get into it, may I please have the support of every woman who thinks this is completely disgusting?

MacGyver says it is the only place he can charge his razor, full of little stubbly bits. He says it's the only place that's convenient. He says he needs it to be there when he gets up at 5 am and heads to work for a full day of tireless grinding effort to put food on the table and clothes on our backs...

Okay, that was my imaginative version of what he said. But still. Am I insane to be a little weirded out by a razor charging on my stove?

Thank you for your support.

That being said, I promised MacGyver when I asked if I could write about us today that I would be fair. And so I shall.

The idea occurred to me a few days ago when a friend mentioned that an injury had made her husband a little crabby. I was in shock, because I've never seen her husband without a huge smile on his face. Then I got to wondering - how many people think MacGyver and I always smile and have complete harmony in our home?

Then I laughed. Really, really laughed. MacGyver is laughing too as he reads this, I can see it. Actually he's probably just shaking his head. Love you, Honey.

Here's the real story. Fourteen and a half years ago God thought it would be HILARIOUS to introduce the Tortoise to the Hare. Then he decided to let Hare in on a little secret. "Tortoise is for you. But you're going to have to wait a VERY long time."

I honestly sighed a little when I shook hands with MacGyver the first time and realized that I wasn't going to be getting married and having a family anytime soon. But I cheered up pretty quickly when I realized he was worth it.

All through high school, I dreamed about what my husband would be like. I thought maybe I'd found him a few times. I knew he would have to have the ingenuity of MacGyver, the boyish innocence and morality of the Kid, the depth of Mulder, and the manliness of Sully, because those were my heroes at the time.

And he did. He had every last one of those qualities that I was hoping for. Trouble is, I didn't realize that my man would come with a few of their negative qualities as well. One of them being, as I have mentioned... he's slow.

Not slow of mind. Quite the contrary, he's a genius. He's never met a broken thing he can't put back in working order. Hence his nickname. He has an answer for every scientific, mathematical quandary Eldest can come up with. When she asks me, I just raise my eyebrow and say "Ask your Dad" as my mind spins out of control with the horridness that is scientific math.

No, no, MacGyver is what we shall call... "careful." He's a double triple checker. He's a "let's not rush into anything" sort of guy. He's a "let's get all the facts out on the table and analyze them to death" sort of guy.

Then there's me. I'm a "if it feels right, jump in with both feet and let what happens happen" kind of girl. When we got married and MacGyver realized this, he was horrified. We spent almost every day of our first year of marriage fighting the fight of justice. His cause was "caution" and my cause was "seize the day."

Well, here we are almost ten years later, and we've both changed. We've come to some sort of treaty. In fact, we've come to see the other's major points and embraced them. I can see how it's good to be careful sometimes. He can see that life will pass you by if you wait too long. We know we need the other one to help us be more than we could be by ourselves. So after all, God had a good plan.

But that's not to say that there aren't still occasional battles at Tortoise and Hare's home. That's not to say that sometimes Hare doesn't leave Tortoise in the dust getting tired of waiting for him to catch up. That's not to say that Tortoise doesn't sometimes go slower just to get Hare's dander up...

Yes. We have days. Now we have a referee. Eldest lets us know when we're out of line. Sometimes we purposefully wait until she's sound asleep to argue because she's so good at guilt. And she isn't sound asleep till the wee hours of the morning.

But all this to say is that I'm glad God gave me a Tortoise. Being married to another Hare would not be a fun life. I suppose he could have given me someone more in the middle, but I probably would have found that boring. As much as I hate the drama... I like it a little. Please don't tell MacGyver. Oh wait... he reads this.

The day I married MacGyver I wasn't completely sure that he really wanted to be married to me. Ten years later, I'm amazed at how far we've come. Even in more recent months, I can honestly say that I know he loves me, and that for whatever reason, he's glad he's married to me. And even though it's hard for me to express sometimes, I love him more each day. I'm really really hard on him, I know, but I look up to him for his relentlessness, his courage, his thoughtfulness and his commitment to excellence. He inspires me, helps me be what I'm supposed to be, and he teaches me that it's okay to be a work in progress, because that's what God specializes in.

Thanks for the last ten years, MacGyver. Just think of the possibilities for the next ten.

Maybe you'll even stop charging your razor on the stove.

Setbacks

2010-08-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

I'm prepared to be a little more honest than I am comfortable with tonight. I'm sure it will come as a shock to all of you because you have this all figured out, but I am not doing as well as I would like to be with my eating habits.

I am eating mostly good things. I've got the fruits and veggies stacked up, whole grains galore, plenty of protein. But I am way off balance most days in when and how much I eat. Some days (like today) I just don't feel that hungry. I forgot to eat much of anything for lunch or dinner. This is not the norm right now, I'm usually famished. I hope this won't bring a blush to anyone's face but I am (to put it quite delicately) exclusively nursing a 15 or 16 pound 3 month old. Okay, that wasn't very delicate. (And yes, my tiptoeing around the subject is quite sarcastic because I think it's a little ridiculous that people can get so uppity about a woman feeding her baby the way God provided for her to do. And I'm going to step up on my soapbox for just a minute and proclaim that locking nursing moms away in "nursing rooms" or shaming them into blanketing themselves from head to toe while feeding is a little extreme. You really aren't going to see anything. And yes, we do see you staring at us in horror. And I'm not just talking about the church folk.)

Sorry... I'm a little "ranty" tonight. I told a friend yesterday that I usually erase my ranting but I think I'll leave it in this time so you know that sometimes I do rant.

Back to my deep dark confessions. On my famished days, which are many at the moment, I'm pretty sure I'm eating too much. I say pretty sure because it's hard to gauge. I don't eat as much as MacGyver, but he's a freak of nature that surely must have some sort of black hole inside him. I eat about as much as my kids during the day, maybe a little less. But then bedtime comes and I rush to the kitchen for a snack which sometimes becomes two snacks as I sit and do lesson plans or write. It's this bedtime snacking that is getting me into trouble. I think if I could do away with this save one small high protein snack I would be getting on the right track. I also have to admit that I've let ice cream and peanut butter sneak back in. It's hard to resist when it's here, and MacGyver can't live without ice cream and Second born loves the peanut butter.

I am doing pretty well with exercise at the moment. I could be doing better, but I'm pretty consistent. I guess I'd give myself a C+ or a B-.

I'm a little discouraged about my general health at the moment. My throat has been hurting for awhile and I've been sneezing a lot, but I can't figure out what I'm suddenly allergic to. I've been getting migraines again - I've had to take medicine for them 3 times in the past week and a half. This concerns me, because I thought they were better. It can't be dietary, because I haven't really changed anything and I'm avoiding the things that give me instant headaches. It could be weather related, as the weather has been a little moody... anyway, I'm hoping that they ease off again, because they aren't compatible with... life.

And there is an annoying prankster who keeps calling our house around midnight. What in the world do you do about that?

So, all this to say... I don't know what I'm saying today. I'm a work in progress as far as this eating thing goes. Anybody else?

Goodnight.

Science 101 with MacGyver

2010-08-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

MacGyver's a hands-on kind of Dad. He believes kids learn best by doing. In fact, yesterday we went to Home Depot to pick out new sinks for our master bathroom. When we got out of the van, Toddler pointed at the store and yelled "Ho Dedo!" with as much enthusiasm as a two year old can muster.

But on to my point. Today at lunch Eldest asked about volcanoes. First she wanted assurance that there were none in Ohio. Then she wanted to know what and where the biggest volcanoes were. MacGyver told her about Vesuvius, Olympus and the Hawaiian volcanoes. Then he told us about Yellowstone. Apparently there is a volcano there that scientists say has the potential to completely wipe the entire earth of life.

Eldest became quite concerned about this. Fortunately we were able to point to the Bible's assurance that God has everything under control.

I guess because I've always lived within the protective comforter of God's care, I've never really considered the power of nature. That there is pressure within our earth that has the ability to destroy life within minutes and hours. I think of Pompeii, who didn't wake up the morning of their demise wondering if it would be their last day on earth.

I guess my only point today is that something so powerful should be respected and taken care of. It's the right thing to do. I've mentioned a few of the things we've tried to start doing to be more respectful of our planet: Switch to cloth diapers, recycle, use less garbage, eat organically grown food. We aren't always as consistent with this as we need to be, but every step we've taken has been rewarding. I'm not sorry we have done any of it, and we've gained a great sense of accomplishment through our efforts.

Anyone have any new ideas? Goals? Concerns? Post them here.

Silly Bandz

2010-07-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

We made a recent visit to a children's museum that had a little store. Eldest immediately donned her apron and set to work putting everything to rights and welcoming customers. Unfortunately for her, Toddler was her first and only customer.

Eldest tried to explain that Toddler should carefully make her selections, place them in her basket and go to the checkout. Toddler laughed loudly, began grabbing stuff and launching it in the general direction of her cart. Some of it made it in her basket. Then she took off down the aisle, sending boxes and plastic food items flying everywhere.

Poor Eldest. She's the one that prayed for a little sister.

Today I was trying to find a cheap pair of sunglasses this morning at the store, because my two pairs of cheap sunglasses broke... and my olders found the bandz.

If there was ever a more useless, pointless waste of two dollars plus tax it would surely be these ridiculous bracelets shaped like any assortment of things you could imagine.

"You'll have to spend your own money." I warned them. They didn't care. They had to have 24 rubber nuisances (times two equals 48) that will only end up under the couch, stuffed in crevices in their rooms in annoying pieces and ALL over the car floor.

So as I was sanctimoniously thinking of how wasteful children are, I started to think about all the stuff I come home from the store with. How much of that could I really have left on the shelf? How much do I end up frantically donating in order to get the clutter out of my house a year, a month later?

So I'm TRYING to think about everything I buy. Will I still want this in a few months? Do I even like it now? If I'm not sure about something, if I'm just thinking "I'd like to try this" I'm determining to tell myself no. I'm tired of clutter. I'm tired of stuff we don't need. I'd rather spend money on a few quality items than thousands of cheap little nothings that aren't worth the trouble.

What are your thoughts about clutter? Leave a comment with your ideas, goals and suggestions.

Good night!

Regrets

2010-07-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. - Sidney Harris

Regrets. First of all, I'm regretful that I told MacGyver he could finish off the salsa last night. I didn't have a chance to eat much of a lunch and it's sounding pretty good. To his credit, he did leave a little... about a tablespoon. Thanks, Honey.

But obviously that is not my sole point as you might have been able to tell from my picture and quote. I introduced you to my Grandma recently, please meet my Grandpa, Staff Sergeant Hubble in the 101st airborne.

It's not just a lack of imagination that causes me to keep going back to my roots. I'm a firm believer in learning from the mistakes of those who have gone before you. I'm also writing a novel based on my grandparent's life so I'm a bit obsessed at the moment.

There was an unspoken rule between Grandpa and everyone else in the family. Ask him to teach you how to play tennis, he'd have you on the court chasing balls within minutes. Same went for basketball, fixing cars, singing some old time country songs, exploring creeks or training animals. Ask him to come to your piano recital or high school play he'd show up an hour early and scope out a spot to videotape every gripping moment. Ask him about his parents and he'd take you to see his mom and videotape everything she had to say.

But don't ask about the war.

Who knows, maybe this was a mistaken vibe that we all received and then no one ever asked so he never spoke of it. It's possible. But in all the time I ever spent with my Grandpa, all the endless concerts he showed up for and taped like I was surely the next Debbie Gibson (Brittany Spears for all you younger folks,)I don't once remember him saying a single thing about the war.

He must have said something to someone, most likely my Grandma who spilled the beans later on, because we do know a few basic facts. He signed up to be a paratrooper. He steered himself into a tree when the colorblind test came up so he would get through anyway even though the only color he could see was yellow. He became a Staff Sergeant. He learned how to play poker and blackjack on the long boat ride over to England. (Which then to my mother and aunt's dismay he proceeded to teach every one of his nine grandchildren.) A couple of the soldiers under him were playing with a grenade when they reached their destination in England and he ended up with a leg full of shrapnel.

Oh, and everyone in his group died in North Africa. Everyone except him.

As I've been considering the mind of my grandparents for this book, I'm starting to see a picture of who this man I so adored might have been. He started out a scrawny little baby, weighing in at 3 pounds at birth. I think he spent the rest of his life trying to prove he was strong enough. And when he came home and lived to be 86 and all of his comrades never saw American shores again, I think he felt guilty.

I look at all the things that happened and know that obviously God was protecting him, because he had a different plan for his life. His plans included a wife, two daughters, nine grandchildren and 26 great-grandchildren (and counting.)I'm not so sure that's the way Grandpa saw it. He saw a group full of men he was responsible for who all died fighting a fight he was supposed to be a part of because he wasn't able to stop those men from fooling around that day.

If I'd had the audacity to ask while he was still here, and if he'd told me this, I'd tell him that he was the biggest, bravest grandpa a girl ever had. That I was proud of his patch, his jump wings, and his purple heart, and that he was a good soldier.

I'm sure Jesus has told him as much. I don't think he's sweating it too much these days. But I'll take his regret and apply it to the things that bug me the most in this life, and share them with my children no matter how hard it might be.

I see God's faithfulness in the lives my grandparents lived. I see him continue to work in the lives of those of us that follow behind them. And I think of the words my Grandpa's pastor spoke to him once upon a time when Grandpa asked why God doesn't answer all of our questions. Something to the effect of:

"Isn't he big enough that you can learn to trust him to ascertain when you need to know something and when you don't?"

Thanks for the legacy, Grandpa. Proud of you. Love you.

Great Aunt Emily

2010-07-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

I CANNOT live with you,
It would be life,
And life is over there
Behind the shelf - Dickinson

Meet my great great great and so forth Aunt Emily. Also known as the poet Emily Dickinson. She's actually an aunt on both my paternal grandparents sides. I know, I know, that's a little weird. Fortunately for me and everyone else in my family, Grandpa and Grammy didn't know they were distantly related. Otherwise they might have been weirded out too and never would have got married and had six healthy children, one being my father.

Anyway, my point is only to say that I feel a sort of kinship with my great aunt/cousin/whatever the exact title might be. My Dad has sorted it out and posted it on his website but I only need to know she's a relative. I feel a kinship with her of course because we share a love of writing. Even though I've tried Emily's poetry and sometimes I just can't get her style. She might have felt the same way about my historical novels.

Another way we are alike is in our perception of people. She gave in to her fears and became reclusive, in her later years not even willing to leave her room. While I cannot really understand completely shutting off from life, I understand the motivation behind it. It's not that I am necessarily afraid of people or dislike people. In fact, based on this poem of Emily's, I don't think that was it for her either. I think she was like me. People were so important to her, she loved so deeply, that fear of losing them or being rejected took over her mind.

Emily gave up on her faith. I have no doubt in my mind that if I had done the same, I would be as reclusive and troubled as she was. There is a sort of physical nervous response that builds up in me when I am in a group of people attempting to mingle, or when I am speaking in front of people or even singing. (I find it interesting that God has called upon me to do these very things many times in my life. It reminds me of the words of Paul that "My grace is sufficient, my power is made perfect in weakness.") Even with my own precious family, toward the end of the day my whole body is tensed and willing the late hour to come when I can be alone and breathe. I would describe this nervous reaction to crowds and social situations as I describe the feeling of claustrophobia. It is not something that I allow to happen, it is a physical response.

However, it is not a physical response that I cannot control or learn to master, at least in part. Emily didn't realize that on the springboard of faith in God she could learn to deny her need to be alone on occasion and she would be glad for it. I guess that's what I've learned over the years and am still learning each day. To work toward being more involved in the lives of the people around me, not less. To allow others to sharpen me and rid me of my rough spots, not run away from constructive criticism and call it rejection.

I suppose that physically ill response to people all around me will always be part of who I am, just as it was for Emily. But I'm determined not to let it get control.

I wish with all my heart for a time machine to go visit Aunt Emily and tell her the very same.

Tired

2010-07-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

You'd think someone who's been doing her Shred video and hopping on the elliptical 3 or 4 times a week, someone who's thrown away all the bad food and actually made salmon, broccoli and organic rice/spelt/barley for supper would have a little more oomph in her step these days.

Not so.

It most likely has something to do with my beautiful little blessing with strawberry blond hair and big blue eyes. The one who just turned two. The one who slaps her older brother and pokes her baby brother and screams at the top of her lungs when her big sister tries to mother her.

She hasn't been sleeping well the past few nights. Actually, the past two years. But especially the past few nights. She whines and carries on till midnight, trying to yell all her woes through her "Muh" (pacifier) and getting indignant when no one understands what she's trying to say. She finally runs out of steam around midnight, and then pops into our room with the sunrise.

I love her. My little determined girl. She probably doesn't know this, as she is in trouble just about from the moment she wakes up to the moment she finally falls asleep. I'm hoping and praying that this stage is just a stage. I am holding out hope that one of these days all the discipline will kick in and she will become a happy, healthy and well-mannered young lady. I see little bits of sunshine peeking through the clouds. She takes excellent care of her baby dolls. She has a laugh that sounds like a rainbow. She is adventurous, intelligent, independent and strong.

And two.

I need sleep.

More Cloth Dilemmas

2010-07-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

No long post today, I just have cloth questions. Hoping someone will have some advice.

I bought cloth pull ups a couple years ago for my olders who have trouble with bed wetting (I hope they don't find this someday and be mortified.) They are getting pretty nasty. (The pull ups, not the children.) This is probably partly because of the way I've treated them. (Again... the pull ups...) I washed them in any old detergent I had laying around and mega-bleached and vinegared them to death. (If you're gasping in horror then please know I treat my new cloth diapers with much more respect than this and I am deeply sorry for my actions in the past.)

What I'd like to know is if they are salvagable or not? Can I do something to make them soft and clean and un-nasty again or should I start over with new ones and treat them better?

Any advice will be appreciated. Any derogatory comments about my un-cloth-like behavior will be taken to heart.

Good night.

Too Much Stuff

2010-07-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

I've been having a great time discussing the last couple of posts. I'm grateful that there are people that I know and people I don't know that are reading this blog. I started it to teach myself writing discipline and document areas in my family's life that I wanted to improve, but the ways that others have responded, taught me from their own experiences and challenged me to deeper levels of faith in areas I need to grow has been humbling. Thank you for reading.

I come back to the matter of finances again today. I've come to realize something in my adulthood that I never knew as a child growing up in the home of the pastor of a small town church.

You can have too much.

As a child, I never felt that we were destitute or poor. I couldn't even tell you now if we were. We did have to be careful with money. We did live frugally and conservatively. We wore hand-me-downs and once or twice I remember people bringing us boxes of food and we were grateful for it.

I didn't spend a great deal of time pining for things I couldn't have. I know I did the usual whining that kids do, but I never really felt like anything was truly missing from my life.

Then I went from Pastor's daughter to engineer's wife. We are by no means wealthy, and being an engineer, MacGyver has a personality that is practical and frugal, so we don't spend to extremes. We don't spend what we don't have. And the budget we have agreed on is not suggestions, it is the bottom line.

We have everything we need. We have enough to spend extra to have healthier foods and products. We have enough for quality clothing and fun vacations with our family. And I'm thankful for this.

But we have too much stuff. Some days I wish I could just dump it all on the curb. I am constantly picking up the same 17 pairs of shoes, the same 600 toys and game parts and the clothes are everywhere!

So in the next month (before birthdays and Christmas hit us again) we are getting rid of extra toys, clothes, and all the things that just get crammed in corners and set to the side to deal with later. If it doesn't get played with much, doesn't mean anything to anyone, or tends to end up all over the floor and under foot - it's history.

I'm not sure what the Kidney Foundation does with all this stuff. But as long as it isn't my problem anymore - I'll just be happy to dump it on my front porch for them to whisk away.

Oh, and everyone wish MacGyver a happy birthday!

The Way He Does It

2010-07-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

My, my, I had quite a few interesting responses yesterday. Not too many "Oh, wow, me too" comments, though, so I feel a little like a moron. I guess it's time I accept the truth. It's liberating admitting your worst faults. A few said they weren't afraid of me. I should revisit the thought and clarify that it was more likely a fear of dealing with me than an awed, reverent sort of fear. A fear as in "Oh, no, here she comes and she's got that look on her face... run!"

Well, here I come and I have that look on my face.

Not really.

Today's the day I'm supposed to talk about spiritual matters. Something's been rolling in my brain the past few days and I have to let it out. Prepare for disjointed ideas that didn't even originate in my head.

We went to Parkside Church in Cleveland when we were visiting family over the weekend, as is our practice. If you are ever in the Solon, Ohio area on a Sunday you should stop by, they have a great ministry.

Pastor Begg was talking about the way we relate to and tell others about Jesus. He pointed out that Jesus never shook sinners by the shoulders and warned them of eternal damnation. When Jesus talked about Hell, he spoke quietly to his own disciples who already followed him and had no reason to fear. Jesus spoke of Heaven to sinners. To those who were lost in sin he was a cheerleader, to those secured by faith in him, he gave the solemn warning.

Why do you think that is? Pastor Begg's only point was to say that we are going about sharing our faith irresponsibly if we think that the way to lead someone to Christ is by shaking our finger in their face and foretelling their doom. But I've been thinking about it and came up with a couple reasons why Jesus might have taken the approach he did. I'm fairly sure he warned his people about hell because he wanted us to take our job as his ambassadors seriously. But why did he focus on Heaven with those that had yet to trust?

First of all, if you're just angry that I have the audacity to speak of Hell, let me first say that we all are aware there are consequences for actions. It is the way of this world. When wrong is done to someone, justice has to be meted out. Those who break the laws do not get a free pass from punishment, and if they do, we all feel that injustice has been done. And if you are proceeding with the thought that you have never done anything to break the laws of the land (or you haven't been caught anyway) than you must consider that if there are laws made by man, how much more appropriate would be the laws of the Creator, and how much more sensitive would a being of perfection be to sin than those of us who are used to it?

All of that being said, I come around again to say that Jesus apparently didn't feel that it was necessary to cajole people who didn't know him about eternal fire. He wanted them to know about everlasting life and peace instead. He wanted them to know they were loved enough to have someone pay the price in their place and live eternally at his own expense. Why? I think it's really important to God that we choose him for ourselves. He won't give us every proof, every documentation of His good intentions and promises of forever because if He did, then we wouldn't be making a choice of our own free will. Just the same, he doesn't want people to trust him because if they don't they'll be sorry. He wants them to trust in Him for the sake of his love.

Speaking from experience, AFTER a heart is placed in the hands of the Savior, the proof, the faith, the documentation surfaces. There is no way to explain this to someone who doesn't know it from living it. When a tiny step is taken toward God that is humble and acknowledging of wrongdoing, God covers the distance left in between that soul and everything they ever needed.

Either you know exactly what I mean, or you're doubtful. Or confused. All of us simply must know this: God is love. And the soul who trusts in Him will never be ashamed.

It was written in His book just that way so many years ago. And it's still true, and the truth stands so firmly above all that would rage against it here below.

As Pastor Begg summed up, so shall I: "Trust God, and get going."

Character Flaws

2010-07-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

Today has been a much better day. I am no longer questioning my sanity. At least, not in relation to having a large family. I even had two nephews under 6 join my bunch this evening so my sis and hubby could see "Inception." Everything was fine.

I'm prepared, in fact, to be quite honest tonight as pertains to something that has always bugged me about my personality. I'm not sure if it's a character flaw or not.

Have you ever tried to look at yourself in a scratched mirror? We have an antique mirror hanging on the wall that gives off a great vibe - but it's not much good for seeing yourself. Sometimes I feel that way when I am trying to judge parts of my character that are good and parts that need work. I don't know if I'm the only one, but sometimes I have a hard time telling the two apart. Like staring into a mirror when you can't see your whole face.

I figured out pretty young that I was rough around the edges. I didn't like how mean I could be or how lazy. These were two things I began to give conscious effort into changing right around the time I started high school. I have a bit of a "people pleaser" complex and I spend a lot of time wondering how I seem to others.

So all of this swirling around in the stew that is me makes for a questionable aroma. I sometimes get the feeling that other people are afraid of me. I'm not sure what I do to give off a fearful vibe, except that the efficient part of me sometimes realizes that I better take over and get the job done if no one else is doing it. I have learned to try to squelch this urge when I observe that others might be offended by it, but I acknowledge that I can't always know what others are thinking or feeling.

I also admit I'm a bit obsessed with truth. I hate pretension, I hate putting on a show to get attention, and I hate dishonesty in all its forms. I would not knowingly point out a flaw in someone else just for the sake of being honest, but if asked a direct question, I must answer honestly. This has certainly gotten me into trouble on a few occasions.

I'm not sure where I'm really going with all this. Perhaps I'm just hoping I'm not the only one who spends way too much time thinking about what other people think, or wondering if my good intentions aren't seen as good by others around me.

To sum up - it sounds good to say I am efficient and honest. But what if my efficiency and honesty get in the way of my relationships? What if they become more important than my duty to love others?

So this is my quandary. Please, if there is anyone out there who feels remotely the same, or has some other misunderstood character trait, let us know about it!

I must add that since I've started this blog I've felt a little uncomfortable walking around in my life knowing that you all are reading my deepest thoughts. Not so much because I don't want you to know - I'm just worried that everyone is going to think I'm a moron. The hopeful-to-be-one-day-soon-published novelist in me rejoices that someone cares to read what I write. The slightly-reclusive part of me is a little afraid of all this exposure.

But anything worth doing is a challenge. And so I will continue to bleed my words onto this blog, and hope that someone somewhere will appreciate the sacrifice and take something away from it.

Good night.

Questioning My Sanity

2010-07-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

Isn't Eldest beautiful? So pretty.

Children should come with a warning label stamped right on the front of their cute little forehead. "May be hazardous to your health!" In fact, they could really just leave the "May be" off.

This is one of those days where I question the intelligence involved in having four children within the space of 6 years. You are probably in one of two groups of people: Those who are shaking their head and saying "told you so" or those who have managed to do the same or even squeeze in a fifth in those six years and have even more insane days than I do.

This morning started off bright and early at 6 am when my 3 month old awoke good and hungry. He wasn't shy about letting me know either. After he was finally tucked back in bed I squeezed in a few more z's before the rest descended on my room like a flock of vultures. (Well, technically Second-born was already there. He keeps having "the lion dream" and ending up curled up on our floor every morning. I'm sure 4 and 5 year olds everywhere are nodding in understanding.)

So we headed downstairs for a quick breakfast before we headed to the grocery store. About two hundred "Put that down," "Don't touch those," "Don't fight," and "No, you can't have that" 's later we finally made it to the checkout. We somehow managed to pile back in the car and go home, where I put groceries away while referreeing fights, kissing boo-boo's and calming a crying baby. Baby J decided it was time to be fed again. Toddler decided it would be great fun to do everything she was told not to since I couldn't stop her. Olders fought.

Lunch was finally served, after a great deal more whining than was truly necessary. Most of it was eaten except in the case of toddler who managed rather to turn it into a thick coat of art on her hands, face and hair.

After lunch was cleaned up, I pulled out Jillian and all of us did the 30 Day Shred. Really didn't want to do it today, but Eldest and Second-born coached me on and we made it the whole 25 minutes or so. Crying babies went to bed and olders and I went to pull weeds. Weeds upon weeds upon weeds, including what looked suspiciously like poison ivy. So inside we went to shower and scrub. I managed to lay down with my book for just about 2 1/2 minutes before Baby J woke up and screamed at me. Fed him, tried to put him back to bed but he protested vehemently and I would rather have died than had Toddler wake up at that point so Baby J got his ornery little way and laid on the bed with me. He kicked and cooed and talked while I dozed for a half hour or so.

And everyone descended upon me again. So downstairs we went and to the kitchen I went to make supper. Fighting continued, Toddler ran outside 3 times and had to be retrieved. MacGyver walked in and became overrun with little people immediately. They captured him and made him go outside and play ball with them.

Supper happened for everyone but me, because Baby J decided the moment supper came out of the oven that he was starving and about to faint, so he screamed until his face turned purple.

I almost fell asleep while I was feeding him, but then he was done and they were done and it was time to clean up the kitchen and get the laundry moving again. Zombie version of me did the rest of the chores, pj'ed everyone and collapsed into the chair with Baby J while MacGyver fought the other three to bed like a valiant knight slaying dragons.

He came down, I awarded his courage with a few grumpy words and then tried to put Baby J down. He wouldn't have it. He screamed as if the world were crumbling to pieces for another good hour or two.

And so here I am. Exhausted. Eating after 11 pm, just as I am not supposed to do. And wondering if it is really possible to be healthy and sane when you have a house full of hooligans who are early in the process of being transformed into respectable people that contribute to the world.

Ah well. All we can do is try. Goodnight.

To Live Simply

2010-07-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm a little behind. We went up to see MacGyver's parents for a few days and do some homeschool trips to museums and such. You're looking at the Hale family homestead, circa 1800.

When I stepped into the tiny one room cabin and looked around, I had a strange thought. When everyone else would be marveling that someone actually lived on so little, I felt jealous.

What would life be like if I had so little to keep track of? Tiny room with few belongings, garden, animals, and miles and miles of empty land. It sounds refreshing. It evokes the same feeling in me as taking a deep breath of crisp clean air.

Then my more cynical side reminds me that my simple life would have a few accompaniments. Disease. Accidents. Winter. Summer. Bugs. Bears. Wolves. Dirt. Very dark nights.

Sure, MacGyver and I could make it. Our kids would definitely whine less. (Or maybe more...) We'd toughen up and live off the land. But I suppose it would be hard to ever go from a life of luxury to a life where you live to survive instead of live to enjoy.

But I still believe that we can live with less. I'm still firmly settled that we have too much stuff, we take up too much space and use up too many resources. It's ridiculous in the light of most of history. What made us so entitled to so much? Do we realize our descendants might someday dig up their past and find a disgusting layer of trash and junk? I'm embarrassed.

I wish there was a place to go to live simply as in this log cabin - just for a few days or weeks. To learn what we can really do for ourselves. To realize what we really don't need.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Cash in Your Pocket

2010-07-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

There's nothing extraordinarily enlightening about this post. I was just pondering today the truth that good health is a responsible endeavor, even financially speaking.

There are certainly exceptions (I've been to the doctor with my children enough times to be grateful that we have doctors there for us when we need them) but truthfully, how many times do we go to the doctor for some malady we have brought upon ourselves? (And no, MacGyver, I am NOT referring to pregnancy!)

*Truthfully, we love all of our precious blessings more than words can say. MacGyver is just getting a little nervous about silly things like... college. As in paying for it. For four children.

I say if it's that important they can pay for it themselves, but for some reason he doesn't think it's quite that simple...*

Anyway, getting back to my original thought - good health lies much more in our own hands than we tend to believe. Sedentary lives that have too few whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables in them tend to lead to more medical intervention, and that's truth whether we like it or not.

So we can all pitch in to help bring down health care costs both on a national and personal level if we take a step, any step toward that goal of healthy living.

At least that's what I keep telling myself!

And it is just steps at a time, I'm realizing. Too lofty goals quickly frustrate us and make us give up. Just taking it one small step at a time - "I'll work out once this week," "I'll give up dessert twice this week" (...or "today" if you prefer...) these little steps in the right direction, as long as they stick, can end up making a big difference.

.... at least that's what I keep telling myself!

Weedy Thoughts

2010-07-13T10:11:00.001-07:00

I'm staring out my window in extreme disapproval. The drenching rains from yesterday watered my garden for me, for which I am extremely thankful, but they also watered those pesky weeds. Those pesky, 4 foot high weeds. That I pulled not two weeks ago.

Honestly, how does a useless, harmful plant grow without any effort whatsoever while some of my carefully planted and tended vegetable plants can struggle even after all my labor? Why can't it be the other way around?

We all know that is the way of this life. It seems like evil is forever looming over good, no matter how hard we work to create the opposite effect. I rest in the fact that it won't be that way forever. But in the meantime, I'm not allowed to rest in fighting it.

I have to go pull those weeds today, no matter how many other things I have to do. While I'm doing it I'm going to think about the negative things in me that I should probably tend as well. I've been pretty sarcastic with MacGyver lately. I have been known to yell quite loudly at my children (at one particular child) while I'm trying to feed John and basically helpless to discipline. I know there are plenty more weeds in my garden, but I'm going to try to work on pulling those because they are probably the biggest at the moment.

Anyone else? Am I alone? It does seem like everyone else's physical gardens look better than mine, so it's quite possible that I'm the only one with 4 foot weeds inside as well. (Wink wink!)

Oh, and no matter what anyone tells you - baby poop turns cloth diapers yellow. It really must be rinsed off. Lessons from cloth diapering. (If I had time I could apply this to the weed analogy...)

Love Makes the Difference

2010-07-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

I've been sort of going on about making new relationships. Lately I've been obsessed with one that is for this life seemingly over.

You're looking at my beauty of a Grandma. She left a bit of a hole in my heart when she died a few months ago. At our family reunion this past weekend, my aunt gave me a book of memories that she had found with my name on it. Grandma had only been a few pages into it, but I treasure those few pages of memories she gave me, mostly from her childhood.

My aunt also wrote me a biography to aid me in my attempt to write Grandma and Grandpa's story. They have quite a story. I don't have to exaggerate it at all and it will be quite the tale. I remember clearly as I am sitting here at this table right now sitting with Grandma at her table 15 years ago and asking her if I could write her story one day. She hemmed and hawed about how there wasn't anything to tell, but she was just being modest. Because then she said sure I could and started to tell me things. I've forgotten a lot of that conversation which is why I'm so thankful to have my aunt and my mom to help me with the details, but one thing she said cemented in my mind. "Mandy, I may be all old and wrinkly on the outside, but inside I feel the same as I did when I was sixteen."

Being in my early thirties now, I am starting to understand what she means. We grow, we change, we mature, we age, but our being stays the same. Who we are, what delights us, what motivates us, what we love, what makes us cry... that really doesn't change all that much.

And I know what my Grandma loved. She loved love. She loved her husband, she loved her children, she loved her grandchildren, she loved her Savior. As her mother used to say "Love Makes the Difference."

I am proud to carry on the tradition.

Taking it to the Next Level

2010-07-12T12:58:00.001-07:00

I sit here at the table still sweaty from my workout with Jillian and my time on the elliptical. Loving the new shoes - they really help cushion my knees and ankles and treat my feet much better. If you are looking for an inexpensive pair of expensive shoes, you might look into New Balance.

I know I'm going to have to take my eating discipline to a different level if I'm going to see any major changes in this body. I am doing a good job of eating the right things, and a good balance of things. But I am going to have to make myself start doing better with eating at mealtimes instead of just grazing through the day, and I am going to have to stop eating sugar. It's easy to think that if something is natural or organic it's fine to eat, but sugar is still sugar and I am pretty sure that my body thinks it is allergic to sugar. I made some oatmeal raisin cookies with whole wheat white flour and steel-cut oats for a family reunion this past week. I popped a few during the cooking and by the next morning my face had broken out.

So that's my new way of looking at it. If you're allergic to something you avoid it, so I'm going to try hard to start avoiding sugar. I have other ways to sweeten things - Stevia is an all natural herb sweetener that works really well. Honey will sweeten anything. I know there are other things to try as well and I'm relieved, as I definitely have a sweet tooth.

So this week I do my best to cut out all regular sugar. The hardest thing to say goodbye to will be peanut butter.

Goals, anyone? Please post. I can't be the only one trying anything new!

People of the Cloth

2010-07-09T20:29:00.001-07:00

So I am going to tell you all about cloth diapers. Or what I know of them in my week or so of experience.

First of all, my overall impression has been great. I am sold. (I have to be sold, because there's no way they'd be taking these back after what my children have done in them...)

I went with the Fuzzibunz brand. I mostly heard the experiences of four different moms, and all of them used different brands. Some of them used more than one brand themselves. When I heard all the things that were good and not quite as good about each brand, the Fuzzibunz were the ones that sounded like they would be the best "fit," so to say, for our family. I liked that they had the snaps as opposed to the Velcro, which sticks to everything in the dryer. I liked that they had a "one-size" that will grow with a baby and even fit a toddler. (Though they are pretty snug on MY toddler.)

I ordered them and they came (free shipping) in 2 business days. I bought 9 one-size and 3 larges. I may end up getting three more larges at some point, because at present I am doing a load every day. The first thing I thought was how soft they are! I imagine they are much more comfortable for a baby's bottom. They are cute and they fit just about as trimly as a disposable with one insert. (You can use two for greater protection, but they get pretty bulky. Baby J can hardly move his legs with two inserts stuffed inside. They have adjusters just like the ones on kids pants nowadays, only these have numbers written next to each hole for the button. There are two sets of adjusters, two at the waist and two at the legs.

The one-sizes (that say they should work for 7-35 pounds) are snug on my 31 pounder. She can get by with them during the day but I'm glad I bought several larges as well, because those work much better when trying to stuff them for nighttime. She hasn't had any leaks at night. She doesn't get leaking during the day either unless I leave them for over 5 hours, and the leaking is only around her legs. I'm getting better about remembering to change her an extra time a day and it's becoming routine. With baby J I'm having more trouble figuring out how to keep his from leaking. I'm sure it's just a matter of finding the right adjustment. He leaks at the legs after just a couple hours, even if he isn't that wet. Nighttime he doesn't usually leak at all, so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong during the day.

One thing I have noticed is that it is hard to get these suckers dry. They have to be dried on low and it takes at least an hour before they feel dry, and even then I still think they could be a bit drier. I'm going to try drying and bleaching them in the sun when I rig (or actually have MacGyver rig) me up some sort of clothesline.

So overall, I am very happy with cloth diapers. I haven't had to do anything with messes other than knock as much as I can into the toilet. They go right into the washer for a soak and wash and they come out clean and white again.

So if you're thinking about it and you're not sure, you have my opinion to add to your research. Here's the Fuzzibunz website as well, they have some questions and answers as well and they are very honest about what to expect.

http://www.fuzzibunzstore.com/ (I'm sorry to make you cut and paste, I completely forget how to insert links, or they changed it or something.)

I also said I would post the recipe for homemade laundry detergent. You can get it from the Duggars website, but I found another website that I thought explained the details a little better, and was also scaled down a bit since I don't have 19 children and counting to wash clothes for. Although it seems like it some days...

http://www.soapsgonebuy.com/category_s/24.htm

Next on my list: Homemade dishwasher detergent. Details later.

Going all Crunchy

2010-07-07T12:21:00.000-07:00

I saw a family in Meijer today. I admit I was a bit judgmental. I saw the woman and the girl's hair tied back in handkerchiefs, a baby that I'm pretty sure was nursing as his mother carried him along (I have to give her credit for that - I can't imagine how that works without some sort of superhero arm strength...)the long flowy skirts with t-shirts, the man's suspenders and long beard, the sheer number of children... I immediately thought "Crunchy."

If you've never heard the term "crunchy," it's used to refer to all-natural purists who make everything from scratch, birth their babies at home... or out under a tree (no kidding, I read a birth story where the woman gave birth out in the woods... on purpose,) etc. Sometimes they are called "crunchy granola" families. I'm not sure why the term is crunchy and I just don't feel like looking it up today. But trust me, they were crunchy.

I'm starting to wonder how far off of that I am! For as I was raising my eyebrow at the large crunchy family, I was heading to the soap aisle to buy borax, washing soda and fels soap to make my own laundry detergent that would work for my new stash of cloth diapers.

And just as the Crunchies get their fair share of guff from others, I get it too. But I'm starting to care less and less. Because of said cloth diapers, I am going to have about $50 extra a month. Because of said homemade laundry soap... I can't even fathom how much I'm saving because of the sheer volume of detergent that can be made from the $7 or so dollars I spent today. I've always been a little slow in math but I lost count somewhere in the thousands of loads this stash will clean. All I know is the 2.5 gallons of concentrate I made today does 640 loads, and I used 1/2 cup of one and 1 cup of the other cleaners that came in over 3 and 5 pound boxes. I know, it's just mind boggling... or maybe that's just me. Some of you are shaking your head that I graduated high school. I know MacGyver is. He is my superior in math by a billion to the tenth degree. No, I have no idea what that is. But I did get an A in geometry, thanks, Mrs. U.!

ANYWAY, so I admit my Crunchy tendencies are increasing. Please talk some sense into me if I do something crazy like stop wearing makeup or trying to ride a bike to the grocery store with four children on Trabue road...

I'll tell you all about the cloth diapers I bought and give you a full review tomorrow. I'll also share the detergent recipe and instructions.

I'll Show You How To Live

2010-07-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Think up the absolute best, most amazing moment in your entire life. Think of a time when you were flying. When every possible thing was right and you felt like your heart was going to burst within your chest because you were that full of life.

Can't compare.

What was the worst valley you ever trudged through? What was the single most horrifying sight you ever laid eyes on? Where did you fall so hard and fast that you figured it might be the end of you, and did failure, guilt, loneliness, fatigue or fear ever sit so hard on you that you felt literal suffocation setting in?

Not applicable.

What I mean to say is that I'm promising from experience that the very best moments of my life in human terms can't begin to hold a candle to those moments and hours and days that I really start to see the Savior - understand who he is, watch him working in quiet, amazing ways all around me, know his approval, his smile, his care, his love when I wake up and when I lay down at night. It's real. It's not just enough - it's indescribable.

And are there valleys? Yes. Deeper valleys than a heart wants to imagine. But falling fast only ends in strong arms. Failure, guilt, loneliness, fatigue and fear lose their balance and fall away in the reasoning of unreasonable love. Forever love.

He's shown me how to live real. And from what I've seen, I'm only beginning to understand that I haven't yet scratched the surface of the mountain of all he is.

I'm ready for more. Breathless anticipation ready. Not one thought of looking back ready.

Lead on.

To Know Them is to Love Them

2010-07-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

I have too many pictures. It took me a good half hour to find that one.

MacGyver and I watched a comedian named Brian Regan on Netflix the other day. He was talking about how we as adults do not really try to put ourselves in children's places. He was saying that he saw a little boy crying because he'd lost his balloon, and the parents just hushing him as if it weren't important. He said maybe we should think of the balloon as our wallet or purse and then we might understand a little more what they are feeling.

Of course, when he said this it was very funny and everyone laughed. I realize that I have lost something in the translation. But the idea of that stuck with me. Kids have to understand that sometimes balloons fly away. But there's no reason we can't sympathize.

I've been thinking about my crew and wondering if sometimes I am too harsh, too busy, too OLD to think about my children as people. I know I can definitely get to the place where it's been awhile since I built a fort and shot the monsters, played peekaboo 700 times, danced the hokey pokey until I'm winded, or listened to the tales of imaginary horses and superheroes.

So I've made a goal in my relationship with my kids. To be intentional in the way that I relate to them. We went on a walk last week when the weather was absolutely perfect. I said "Okay, tell me about anything you want."

Eldest told me every single fact she could think of (and she knows many of them) in relation to horses. The breeds, caring for them, what it might be like to ride one. I asked her "Why do you love horses so much?" She really thought about it and said "I was made to love horses, I guess."

I turned to my Second-born and asked him what he'd like to talk about. "Spiderman. And Batman." Now I must say that I have not allowed my 4 year old to watch Spiderman or Batman. The only thing he knows of them is the pictures on his T-shirts and caps. Or so I thought. I asked "What do you love so much about them?" and he concentrated hard and finally answered "Because they can fly. Because they are strong. I want to be strong like them." (We did have a bit of a discussion about how Spiderman and Batman don't technically fly. I told him Superman does fly, and that's why he's MY favorite superhero. But he stuck with his first answers.)

I guess my point is that I'm realizing it's not just my job to feed them and clothe them and teach them how to act right in society. They are people, and beneath all the chatter that might sound like nonsense to an adult, there are real feelings and interests and dreams. To know them, and to love them completely and help them find their wings, I have to understand what the childish gibberish means.

So I'm determined to listen more. To be on their level more, even if it seems silly or too much of a chore. I'm going to take the time to do it. I don't want to wake up in 20 years and find out they all left to go off to live before I figured out who they were. I want to discover who they are right along with them. And so I commit to take the time.

Make Bread For Yourself

2010-07-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not going to tell you to make your own bread.

I am so incredibly excited about this healthy find I can hardly contain myself. If it's weird to be so enthused by a loaf of bread, I guess you better start calling me weird. Except for those of you who have been referring to me that way for quite awhile. You may just continue to do so.

I know, it just looks like a loaf of bread. But this stuff is awesome. It's called Ezekiel 4:9 bread because someone just happened to be reading Ezekiel 4:9 and instead of skimming over it and never thinking about it again like I have apparently always done with this verse - well, they decided to try it.

The verse reads "Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself."

The Lord knows His bread. Not only does this bread have 4 grams of protein, 3 grams of fiber and 15 carbs (in 1 slice), it tastes really good. And God told the prophet to put it in a storage jar to let all of this goodness sprout before it became food, which apparently lets out some nutrition that wouldn't be there otherwise. It has my two thumbs up. I'd put another thumb up if I had one.

I found it at Trader Joe's. I'm assuming Whole Foods would have it as well.

As for my other health updates - I'm still on hold with the 30 day shred. I did some research and discovered that my feet are apparently flat and I "overpronate" when I walk. (Sorry if that was more information than you required.) It just means I turn my feet in too much when I walk which is probably why my $12 pair of worn out shoes were making my feet and knees hurt so much. I looked into the New Balance shoes that Corina suggested last week, and I feel really good about the ones I finally bought online. They are the New Balance 763, and I found them on sale at Kelly's Warehouse for $60. (Yes, very on sale, actually. Decent shoes are apparently worth a great deal more than I've been shelling out.)

So what's your story? Anyone else made any decisions to better their health this week? You're more likely to keep your commitments if you tell someone!

And just so you know, I've been ice cream-free for a few days! But don't ask if I've eaten after 10. Because I have. Every night.

SIGH.

Solutions

2010-07-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

"There's no use talking about the problem unless you talk about the solution." - Betty Williams

I read a great book a couple years ago. It's by Ginger Garrett and it's called "Beauty Secrets of the Bible." I know it sounds a little odd, but there is a TON of great wisdom I gleaned from reading it. It's short, but there are so many ideas and thoughts that it took me awhile to go through it because I wanted to try everything she had to offer. There are a few things I took away from the book that I am still putting into practice now, two years later. These are my own modified versions of things that she suggested. Hopefully there will be something that is helpful to you in your own healthy and/or green journey.

1. Surprising sources as cosmetics... Coconut oil and Honey. Who would have thought in the never-ending search for a moisturizer that really does get rid of dry skin - the answer could be found in the baking aisle? But it can. I use coconut oil as a lotion both for me and all my children, babies included. It hardly has a smell at all, it's not greasy in small amounts, and it really and truly softens and heals dry skin. If I want to get fancy I add some sugar to make a scrub, or some rosemary oil to give it a fragrance, but usually I just use it straight. It may look a little strange when you open it up, but it melts with the warmth of your hand. I also use it as a hair treatment. I just slather it on my hair and then rinse it out before I use shampoo and conditioner. As for honey - I was really skeptical about this one. I pictured a sticky mess when she said to rub honey all over my face. But when you handle honey with wet hands and face, it works just fine. It clears up acne and gives skin a glow. I've heard it works well to lighten hair as well but I haven't tried that yet.

2. Natural sources as cleaners and detergents... Vinegar and Baking Soda. Very inexpensive, very effective. So far I've discovered that vinegar can clean countertops and tables, wash windows and mirrors with nary a streak, get rid of odors, work as a fabric softener in the washer, get residue out of hair, and generally work anywhere as a mild disinfectant. (I've recently added a light mist of hydrogen peroxide when I have big messes such as uncooked meat or eggs.) Baking soda is handy for scrubbing out sinks and toilets and aiding in freshness when vacuuming carpets and furniture (especially if you have pets... or an ornery, crazy old dog who sheds as a full-time job.) I've also added baking soda to wash loads when I was dealing with especially gross messes. (I won't go into detail, I'm sure every mom reading knows all too well what I mean!) An added benefit of vinegar and baking soda? I've heard if you mix them together in a 2 liter they explode. Please don't tell my son... Another great way to go natural with cleansers is to switch from regular body wash or shampoo to natural brands. I've been using liquid Castille soap instead of baby wash and it smells really fresh, rinses really clean. MacGyver and I use "Tom's" body wash and I love it (MacGyver doesn't really have opinions about body wash. He uses what I buy for him and set on the counter. I doubt he could even tell you what brand he uses.) And lastly, I'm looking forward to trying my hand at making my own laundry detergent when I run out of what I've got now. I'll let you know how that goes.

3. Snacks... One of the recipes Ginger Garrett mentioned in her book was a "trail mix" of sorts that had nuts and chocolate in it. I loved it, and I've since adapted it. I make a big batch of this every week and we all use it for a quick and healthy snack. If you'd like to try it - just throw 1 cup of pecans, 1 cup of walnuts, 1 cup of almonds, 1 cup of peanuts, 1 cup of raisins, 1 cup of (all natural) dark chocolate chips, and 1/2 cup of sunflower seeds in a bowl and mix it all up. There are specific health benefits to all of the ingredients, and it tastes great! Another recent find is Quinoa. It's an ancient grain that is high in protein. I made it plain to serve with salmon recently and everybody loved it more than rice.

So hopefully you can find some ideas to take with you this time, instead of me begging everyone else for ideas. If you have some ideas to add - please do! People have been having better luck with posting lately since I changed the settings, but if you still have trouble here feel free to post a reply on facebook.

Thanks for reading!

Glittering Pebbles

2010-06-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

"We heap around us things that we do not need as the crow makes piles of glittering pebbles." - Laura Ingalls Wilder

She was born in 1867. I was born in 1976. Nevertheless, I grew up alongside Laura. It is lost to time how many trips through her books I made, watching her determined pioneer spirit and learning her way of appreciating simplicity and the true treasures in life.

The quote above is found in her later writings, compiled in "Little House in the Ozarks." She goes on to say "I believe we would be happier to have a personal revolution in our individual lives and go back to simpler living and more direct thinking. It is the simple things of life that make living worthwhile, the sweet fundamental things such as love and duty, work and rest, and living close to nature. There are no hothouse blossoms that can compare in beauty and fragrance with my bouquet of wildflowers."

Love. Duty. Work. Rest. Nature. I inwardly long for a life such as the one she describes. We could live with so much less than we have and be happier. Some of the more cynical among you would remind me that living the pioneer life meant living without indoor plumbing, without central air, without computers and cell phones. It meant hard work. Very hard work. Hard work that had you up with the dawn and in bed with the sunset. Yes, it would be a very different life. We would have to be different people.

But I can imagine the satisfaction MacGyver would have building his own house from the pines he cut and hauled to the mill himself. The pleasure it would be for him to have his sons trail after him as he went about his work, teaching them and preparing them to be hard workers themselves. I can imagine what a wonderful feeling it would be to grow a garden full of fruits and vegetables with my girls, or expertly kneed and bake our own bread, or sew instead of surf the Internet, and read instead of clicking on the tv.

Life would be harder. But life would mean more.

I am glad that we have modern conveniences. I like facebook's way of reuniting me with every person I've ever known. I enjoy blogging. It's awfully handy to be able to google anything and get an immediate answer to a question. I am relieved to know that my family has access to antibiotics and emergency medical care if it is needed. Cars come in handy when you've got aways to go.

But all of this costs money. And time. And maybe just a little part of ourselves that was made for simpler things. What does this earth not provide for us that we had to create such a complicated system to sustain our lives?

Chances are I'll never get to live Laura's simple life. But maybe I can begin to take the steps in that direction, and someday, somehow, my children or my children's children could find their way back.

So the question becomes, what can we live without?

The answer, I suspect, is much.

My Story

2010-06-28T21:24:00.001-07:00

All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
~James Thurber

The first day of my life was quite an ordeal. I don't remember it, but my mom can attest to it. I entered the world with a good dose of drama. Maybe that's why all of my children had to follow the same path. The drama just keeps getting bigger. I'm scared to have any more.

But for all that birth drama I ended up being a fairly easy-going kid. I wasn't one to make a big deal over nothing. I still shy away from too much emotion, too much to-do about anything. It's interesting to note that in spite of this I married MacGyver, who may seem even and steady to the average person but truthfully has quite the opposite side. I hesitate to give it a name. Moodiness? Sensitivity? A human roller coaster? He's going to say I'm insulting him, but I assure you he pulls this off in a very manly way a good part of the time. And I'm also willing to admit that since you will have to watch me pretty hard or get to know me pretty well before you ever see me shed a tear or laugh really loud or dance around the kitchen and sing at the top of my lungs, it's probably a good thing that I have a spouse who can handle all these things in quite an expert fashion.

So it goes without saying that my pursuit of spiritual things has also been somewhat matter-of-fact. I grew up in a pastor's home, and so I grew up in the church. I had Bible verses memorized before my ABC's. Unless you ask me to give reference numbers, which just won't stick in my head for some reason, I can probably answer just about every question you can think up or look up in the Bible. I'm not saying this to show off, I'm just stating a fact. If anyone wants to take pride in this it should be my parents, because they are the ones that made sure it was all soaked into me during the early years of my life when I was most "soakable."

I did all the things that children growing up in happy Christian homes usually do. I recognized that I was a sinner and Jesus was the Savior when I was six. I was baptized not long after. I proceeded to hear and accept everything I was taught until I was around 10.

I remember being at Bible camp around this time and starting to wonder why I believed the way I did. Always before I had believed because everyone else in my life believed, because it was all I knew, and because I didn't have any reason not to. But as my mind matured and I began to develop my own sense of individuality, I wanted to know if what I believed really held water.

I guess this is partly because in the private school I went to, where I had many wonderful teachers who were full of faith, I also had a few that were full of rules. And they didn't think the Bible had enough of them, so they tended to make up their own as well. I think this is one of the greatest problems the church has always had in reaching people with the news of Jesus Christ. The tendency is always to add or subtract to what God already said. The Bible actually holds a warning against this very behavior.

But we all still do it. Or subscribe to it. Or vainly try to live by it. Or reject it completely.

So I asked my counselor at camp why I should believe that the Bible is true. I'm not sure she was ready for that one, because her answer seemed weak. "Because the Bible says it is true," she offered in return.

How can a book validate itself with no outside verification? I didn't accept this, and for the next couple of years I continued to question. And push the boundaries. I could go on for quite awhile, but I will just sum up what happened in the 2 or 3 years that followed. I became increasingly unhappy, awkward, sullen and even outright mean. And I had no answers to my question.

I can clearly remember the moment things clicked. I was sitting in English class. Mrs. Foster was discussing Romeo and Juliet. And I was sitting there, being miserable as usual. I don't remember how my thinking led me to the place. Perhaps I wondered why the Bible was any more reliable than Shakespeare. But I started to think about all the things the Bible actually says. Had I ever heard a single argument against them that could even hold a drop of water? Didn't all the commands of the Bible work to cause people good in the end? Hadn't all of those Old Testament prophecies been fulfilled when Jesus came? Hadn't his life, his teaching, his death, ressurection and return to Heaven been witnessed, documented and established by hundreds of witnesses? Hadn't his church endured from that moment till this one, by the undeniable power of a Spirit that resided with us? IN me?

But it wasn't all of these things that cinched the case shut in my heart. It was the silent voice that spoke through the darkness of a 13 year old's mind and said "I love you. Follow me."

And I wanted to. I wanted to follow him and be at peace. I wanted with relief to allow his boundaries to come around my life so that I would be safe. I wanted to have his love protect me and hold me up when it was hard to walk life's path. I wanted him to delight in me if everyone else thought I wasn't worth their time or effort.

I wanted to belong to him. And I told him so. And life has never been the same since. There have been hard times, of course, but I have never experienced the crushing fear of doubt since without his Spirit whispering the promises of His Word. I can tell you without a shadow of any sort of doubt or question that I KNOW God is real.

And that He loves me.

And you.

Be My Friend

2010-06-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

They're worried about what other people are thinking, when the people they're worrying about are worried about the same thing. It makes me laugh. - Gibson Praise

When I was in elementary school, there was a girl whom everyone wanted to be friends with. I'll call her Annie.

I don't remember ever deciding "I'm going to be friends with Annie." I just always was. We started school the same year and we were both friendly kindergartners and we got along well. But there were others whose goal in life was to be friends with her. She seemed so self-assured, so perfect, so right that all the other little girls and even some of the boys wanted to follow her around in order that her unusual "coolness" might somehow be transferred over to them as well.

As the years went by, I started to somehow see myself as less than Annie. That she was doing me a favor by being my friend, inviting me to her parties, letting me sit next to her. As her popularity soared, I fell into an awkward phase that changed my personality from easy-going and friendly to somewhat more reserved and unsure.

It wasn't really about Annie. I don't remember her ever saying or doing anything specifically to make me feel that way. But even as I felt less and less comfortable around the one who had started out as my closest friend, my definition of friend evolved. Even if Annie was a little distant and surrounded by admiring followers, I had other friends who loved me and accepted me just the way I was. When I ran down the street to my neighborhood chum's house or spent time with my "other" sisters I've mentioned previously, I was always me. No pretense, no code of conduct required. I wasn't perfect, and neither were they.

I'm not sure why I feel the same way at thirty-three. I should be able to talk to other women and understand that they are not judging me, sizing me up, wishing they were somewhere else or anxious to get away from me. In fact, it surprised me to hear last week when I said how hard it was for me to talk to people in person, a lot of you agreed with me. More than one person said "I could have written that exact same post."

Isn't it a little ironic that we are all stressing out over what other people think of us as we socialize? What's the point of worrying about what someone else thinks when they are only worried about the same thing? Obviously, they are too busy worrying to judge!

I guess the point is that it's way past time to stop worrying about what you all think of me when we talk in person. There's no reason to labor over what I said wrong or what I should have said or how I could have looked better when I said it... it's ridiculous.

So next time you talk to me, remind me to be honest and be myself, and promise me that you are doing the same thing. Enough with the pretense. Let's just be real.

I'm excited for the way my opening up on this blog is causing the people I know to be more open. I've even got two acceptances on my request for dinner guests! I'm looking forward to learning more about how this whole friendship thing works.

I think we get scared that if someone gets to know us too well, they will see all our flaws. And that's a valid concern. But we all have flaws. And you really can't call someone a friend until you've known them well enough to be a little annoyed by them. To have an argument. To challenge their thinking, and to have your own ways challenged.

My neighborhood chum no longer lives in the same time zone, and my "other" sisters are in another state. So go ahead. Challenge me. Annoy me.

You know, be my friend.

Marking the Moment and Meandering

2010-06-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

It's time to write. MacGyver is trying to give me pointers on what to write about today. I think I'll just stick to the schedule. If he wants to write something he can start his own blog.

MacGyver reminded me yesterday that it has been exactly a year since we took our son in for surgery. It surprised me. I think because that was a bit of a scary time, I have pushed it to the back of my mind only to be brought up if it is needed. It all turned out very well. But there was the space of about six days where we did not know whether or not our second born would have cancer. All we had to go on was the surgeon's words after the surgery was over was "Those lymph nodes are very suspicious."

I don't have a point with that. Just marking the moment, being very thankful that our son is healthy. Overall I'm in a bit of a meandering mood today, so if you're dizzy by the time I'm done I apologize. I have about five minutes before I have to return to my world brimming with laundry and little people so I just want to post how I've been doing health wise and get back to it.

Jillian Michaels has been shredding me regularly, (every other day) but she's starting to make my knees and ankles hurt. Actually, my shoes are starting to make my knees and ankles hurt. I suppose the $15 Walmart shoes aren't going to cut it. So I'm going to research and find a good pair of exercise/running shoes. Because eventually I will run. I will. I did have a pair, but something about having babies causes your feet to grow. Well, MY feet to grow, anyway. Before I was a mother, I wore a regular size 8. Nowadays I can't even squeeze on an 8 1/2. Anyway, I went for a walk today and weeded the garden instead of the Shred. Blisters on my hands and feet to prove it.

The eating after nine isn't going very well. I even changed it to ten (because I'm a night owl)and I still haven't been very good with it. I am getting pretty good at what I'm eating. AND the big news of this week is that I'm giving up ice cream.

Ice cream is fine, in small amounts. Especially all-natural, half the fat ice cream. But I really like ice cream. It's really hard to eat it in small amounts. So no more ice cream for me. Well, no more daily ice cream. I may still have some on a more monthly basis. Don't forget to ask me if I'm sticking to it.

How about you? Are you sticking to your goals? Everyone post (if you don't have a profile just choose "anonymous") and let us know what you're up to.

Back to life.

Green Bottoms

2010-06-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

This is my two-year-old. She's nursing her baby. And she's smart. She knows every nursing mother needs to stay well-hydrated.

So this one and her baby brother are giving me a dilemma. I really like modern day diapers. I like how much they hold. I like how infrequently I have to change them. But as wonderful and convenient as they are, they are not very environmentally friendly.

I'm going to need a lot of hand holding today. I know some of you have switched partly or all the way to cloth diapers. So for all of us that are scared to death of a pile of filth we are responsible to somehow wash every day or being at the mall and having runny baby poop leak every possible place imaginable... help! Convince us!

I also need specifics. When you put "cloth diapers" in a search engine you come up with MANY options. What's the best? Is it worth it to get the most expensive? Do the cheapest ones perform badly? How many do you need? (Not how many do they recommend - how many do you absolutely have to have to avoid catastrophes?) How often do you have to change them? How often do you have to wash? Can you just throw the nasty things in the washer or do you have to rinse them out? And how do you keep rotten dogs who think poop is a delicacy from ripping them apart? (Okay, maybe you don't know the answer to that one...)

So I need lots of responses. I changed the settings so that anyone should be able to post. If you have trouble responding here, I'll transfer your facebook messages over. There are questions that must be answered so we can try to make a difference in the disgusting pile of dirty diapers that are going to eventually take over the landfills.

Commence discussion.

Excellence Vs. Perfection

2010-06-22T19:58:00.000-07:00

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.
- Harriet Braiker

Let's just get the confessions over with, shall we? I admit it. I'm sitting here at 11:03 pm eating my dinner. Actually, we'll call it my breakfast, lunch and dinner, because it's basically the only meal I've had today. Breakfast was a protein bar on the go. Lunch I had to choose between feeding myself or feeding my two month old. He won, of course. I got by on a chicken nugget and a piece of string cheese. I munched a little while I made and served supper late, and somehow I squeezed in my exercise while the baby cried and now here I am.

I'm such a whiner. At least my dinner is leftover broccoli, salmon and quinoa. (That's pronounced "Keen-wah" just so I can sound really smart.) That's got to count for something.

My other confession: I got a sunburn. I put sunblock on, but I always forget my shoulders and back. I realize this is not a step in the healthy direction. I realize it will be my own fault when I get skin cancer.

Needless to say, I'm a bit frustrated about everything today. It's one of those days where this whole idea of improving in all of these areas seems to big and too unreasonable for where I am.

As well, the goals themselves do not mesh well. I don't know how to have our family eat healthy, have our fill and still spend a reasonable amount of money on groceries. But then I wonder, what IS a reasonable amount? I only know what I spend. It seems out of control - but I look through the cabinets and fridge and wonder what was frivolous. If I skimp on fruit we run out within a couple days. If I don't get two of this or three of that I end up scraping together unbalanced meals and trying to stretch everything out to the next week.

My family goes through a lot of food in a week. Is this normal? Do everyone's kids eat every last pea and carrot and piece of meat on their plate, ask for more, and then still constantly whine about being hungry? (Just so we're clear, I don't feed them every time they ask. They get three meals and two snacks a day. Unless I indulge in a shower, then I come down to find half the grapes I just bought for the week mysteriously missing off their branches... and it seems that "Not me" was the culprit.) And I don't know, does everyone's husband polish off a bag of tortilla chips in a sitting and go back looking for more? (Sorry, MacGyver, just trying to be real. It's obviously not hurting your figure at all.)

I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when we have four teenagers in the house...

One week in and I'm discouraged about this whole being more financially responsible business. It just seems like an impossible dream. And I totally sound like a whiner today. I don't blame you if you stopped reading three paragraphs before this. I wish I had.

But my new policy about complete honesty requires I tell you today that I am doubting my ability to pull this off. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Thanks for sticking with me. And as for the quote - I'm pretty sure that's the source of my problem. I'm striving for perfection when all that is required to make a change is striving toward excellence.

I'm just going to have to figure out what that means in a tangible sense. If you have any thoughts or opinions, leave a message, here or on facebook. I'm really enjoying hearing from everyone!

Almost Disqualified

2010-06-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

"What is the meaning of human life, or of organic life altogether? To answer this question at all implies a religion. Is there any sense then, you ask, in putting it? I answer, the man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfortunate but almost disqualified for life." - Albert Einstein

If you're anything like me, you're going to need to give that quote another go. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Isn't my baby cute, by the way? I think so.

No matter who we are, no matter where we come from, all of us at one point or another in our life have to answer for ourselves the question Albert Einstein asked. "What is the meaning of life?"

There are many answers. The hard part is choosing which one is true. Some go so far as to say that there is no meaning to life. We just happened here and we make the best of it and we happen out. Some say that we are put here as a test. If we do everything right, or at least enough right, we go to heaven. If we blow it, we go to hell. Or we get another chance.

This is probably the hardest of my five categories to write about, which is ironic, considering I grew up in a pastor's home and went to 13 years of Christian school and then took off for Bible college. I guess that's WHY it's so hard. In this blog I'm not just trying to relate to all my friends who think the same way I do. I want anyone to come in, pull up a chair and feel comfortable conversing. And I mean ANYONE. I know there's many, many people who have been seriously wounded by religion. I know that even those of us who grew up in the middle of it can come out scarred by some of the ideas that came to us by mostly well-intentioned individuals. I'm one of them. But I am here to tell you that I'm very proud of those scars, because in the end the doubts, the questions, and the search for the truth is what brought me to the place I am now.

I am not saying I've got it all figured out by any stretch. I'm just saying that the most important thing I've discovered about God is that when you honestly look for him, and ask Him to reveal Himself, He does. Little by little, step by step.

I guess it's the same as the whole "healthy living." There are a lot of people close to me who are really skeptical that my health journey means anything. In the end, no amount of preaching on my part will convince anyone. My changed health, body and outlook will. The results will.

So I'm going to let you decide for yourself. My goal this year in the area of my spiritual journey is to stop acting like I have all the answers, that you must believe what I believe and do what I do to find out who God is. I'll let you look at the results of my 33 years of a journey and decide for yourself. If you hear my story, and see why I believe what I believe and don't buy that it makes any difference, I'm not going to come after you screaming and trying to hit you over the head with my overly large Bible. I know a lot of people do that. Trust me, there are quite a few of them who do it because they were always told that it was the way to show people you care about them. But I understand quite clearly that people are really tired of being hit over the head. I get that it's a little hard to see the love in that. It's something that needs to change, and I regret any amount of Bible-thumping I've done in my day.

So watch me. Hear my story. If anything sounds familiar, if you see yourself in my journey, maybe it's time to think about starting your own.

Bear Another's Burden

2010-06-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

"To love is not to wish good for another person, it is to bear another's burden; that is, to bear what is painful for you and that which you do not bear naturally." - Martin Luther

This quote hangs in my kitchen. It has for the entire time this has been my home. I need this reminder.

Above is a picture from my rehearsal dinner, the night before my wedding. In this picture are the closest friends I have, save for MacGyver. All four of these people have been in my life since my earliest memories. We went to the same church, we went to the same school for our entire childhood. Two of them are my actual blood-relation sisters. The other two may as well be.

At relationships such as these - I'm pretty comfortable. We can laugh until we cry, we can share our deepest, darkest secrets, we can finish each other's sentences... there's no awkwardness. I guess the best way I could say it is that when I am with any of these people, I don't worry about what they think of me. I'm just me. They can take it or leave it, and since they've been taking it for 30+ years, I'm pretty sure they will keep it up.

As far as the rest of the world goes, I have a hard time feeling at ease. I love to watch people, I love to study them and figure out what makes them tick. If I could spend all day behind a one-way window and watch everyone without them seeing me I'd have a blast. And admittedly, if all the world were Facebook, I'd be the most outgoing, honest person you ever met. It's when I'm face to face with someone and I have to try to think of something intelligent to say while the whole time I inwardly obsess about what they are thinking of my appearance, my lack of wit and social skills... well, my tongue gets tied up in knots and I end up feeling like an idiot later after I've rehearsed all the different ways I could have handled that conversation.

But MacGyver and I agree on this - we want to have closer relationships with people. We really have it good. Our neighbors are all wonderful people, we enjoy being with family, and we've got lots of really great... acquaintances. But we want more. We want the kind of friends that are willing to stick with you when you're at your ugliest, when you can't give anything back. And we want to learn to do that for others as well.

So if you are one of our many really great acquaintances, (and I know you're reading - thank you for bothering to take the time both to read it and to let me know) we want you to know that we are ready to go out on a limb and form closer friendships. To learn how not to put on a front and be real. Be ourselves. Let other people see the fears we have about relationships. Let the iron of other people sharpen us to be better people, not just people who have enough social skill to maintain a cheerful conversation with you in the aisle at the grocery store or to wave across the street at you when we're out gardening.

This is a scary thing. That's probably why more and more people can't get past the surface relationships. But we're all missing out. I KNOW we're missing out, because I know how wonderful it is to have people who know me inside and out. But something tells me there should be more than there are.

So our goal for this next year is to make new friends, build deeper friendships and learn what true friendship is really all about.

If you know me, let me know when you and your family can come over for dinner. And I am not joking.

If you don't know me, then why don't you put yourself out there and make a new friend today?

And as for my dear dear sisters, thank you all for your friendships that have stood the battering of rough waters, and sailed through the highest seas with me. I love you all!

"I Told You I Was Sick"

2010-06-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

I joke that I'm going to put this on MacGyver's gravestone if I have the opportunity. He's always a little worried that he's got some rare disease, but the truth is he's about the healthiest person I've ever met. He's the same weight he was at our wedding TEN YEARS AGO, no matter how many helpings he takes or how many boxes of ice cream he goes through. (If I say this to someone in his presence he immediately protests "No I'm not - I'm TWO pounds more!" I'm sure you can see the seething scowl on my face. You may have one too.) Yes, other than an extremely unfriendly relationship with poison ivy, he's got it going for him in the health department. Not the actual health department. Never mind.

Our children have apparently inherited his genes, at least so far. The eldest bursts into hives if a mosquito looks at her with longing, and the third can't wear sunblock as her skin apparently believes that sunblock IS the sun, but other than these things and a few quirks and spurts of illness here and there they are healthy.

Then there's me. There's no denying that I go to the doctor the least (except when I'm pregnant.) But I've always had problems. When I was little it was asthma attacks and all manner of illnesses. When I was a teenager I developed a digestive disorder and also began to struggle with my weight for no obvious reason. In my 20's the migraines hit,(the writhing in pain, throwing up variety) and I still get them at 33 about twice a week.

So this post is hard to write. Because I have tried so long and so hard to be healthy, and it always seems just one step out of my reach. I went the medication route to the point where I was taking dozens of pills a day, and now I try to avoid medication at all costs because it never seems to help and I end up with more symptoms. I've lost small amounts of weight countless times, and over 30 pounds three times in my life. It never seems to stay off, and I could whine and complain and tell you that it's not my fault, I've done everything right, but I'm afraid of giving up. If it's this hard when I'm trying to master it, what would happen if I gave up?

So this year's goals in health aren't going to be too different from any other year. I'm going to exercise as much as possible (goal of 4 hours a week, though I'm not there yet after childbirth that morphed into surgery) and I'm going to eat an all-natural, specially balanced diet that Jillian Michaels recommends in her book "Mastering Your Metabolism." She also has a few simple rules, though I haven't got into the habit of all of them yet, being recently pregnant. She says to 1. Eat four times a day. 2. Stop when you're full. 3. Never skip breakfast. 4. Don't eat after 9 pm. (This is along with purging all the processed food out and eating a balance of protein, fat and carbs.)

I'm with her on pretty much everything except the not eating after 9. Jillian has never had four small children. Jillian doesn't understand that sometimes Moms don't even GET to eat until 9 pm. But I'm working on it. That's probably my biggest goal. I will get there!

My ultimate goals are to hone my diet and exercise to the place where I am symptom free digestively (my spell check insists this is not a word but I've decided that it is) and migraine-wise, and to lose 50 pounds.

A few wonderful things I've discovered so far in the past few weeks since changing our diet to all-natural:

1. Trader Joe's is the coolest place ever. Whole Foods is too, but Trader Joe's manages to keep the coolness at a more reasonable price.

2. You'd be surprised how healthy you can eat even if you just shop at Walmart. There are more organic/all natural options all the time.

3. Migraines improve with this diet change. At least mine have. In the past 4 or 5 weeks I have only had ONE full-fledged migraine. This is astounding to me.

4. Organic food really does taste better.

5. After a few days of whole and all natural foods your body stops craving the junk and starts detesting it. Seriously. Even more than that, your body starts to crave things like fruit and vegetables. There are other things I've noticed but if I listed them you wouldn't believe me. You'll just have to try it yourself and see.

So there you have it. I'm on notice. You'll ask me. "Miranda, are you exercising four hours a week? Are you staying true to that balance? Are you NOT EATING AFTER NINE?"

I'll say "Absolutely." I hope.

Going Green or Going Insane?

2010-06-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

You will find men who want to be carried on the shoulders of others, who think that the world owes them a living. They don't seem to see that we must all lift together and pull together. - Henry Ford

When MacGyver and I got married, he introduced me to recycling. I did a lot of eye-rolling and huffing and puffing and such, but I learned to go the SO burdensome trouble of walking to the garage door and throwing glass, plastics and paper in the bin to be recycled. To be honest, I really didn't think it mattered. I really did not care where my garbage went when I was done with it.

I have to say, I see things differently now. MacGyver likes to say "there's no reason to fill up the dumps" and he's right. If we can go an extra inch or two (as opposed to a mile) and save the next generation the job of cleaning up our mess, isn't that worth it?

So we have always recycled. I'm interested to go a bit further in this and try to only buy packaging that can be recycled. At least do my best. So in the next year I'm going to make a conscious effort to make our "dump" pile smaller. I'm going to look into cloth diapers, at least on a partial basis. I'm going to start a compost pile (just a pile of organic material such as apple cores, banana peels, egg shells and coffee remnants) that is left to sit and turn to fertilizer.) I'm going to attempt to use re-usable bags when I grocery shop, and I'm going to do this by purchasing one every week until I have enough. I'm also already using all natural cleaning agents and beauty products, and I hope to keep that up and maybe find some ways to save money by making soaps/shampoos, etc.

Have I left anything out? If you can think of something I'm forgetting post it. And if you have some further goals please post them here so we can keep each other accountable.

Can We Afford All These Kids?

2010-06-17T09:41:00.001-07:00

It's time to be quite honest. More honest that I'm really comfortable being. That's the sticky part of being a writer.

By the way, did you notice I moved the blog posts so you could see the bottle of glue? I felt that made more sense. And that little punch of orange on the page is so refreshing.

Anyway... oh yes, being honest. I'm actually starting with the easiest category. Money. Not that money is easy to figure out. I've never liked math. I got an A in geometry and still didn't understand how I'd come to the right answers. Figure that one out!

MacGyver and I have had our share of disagreements about money. In fact, we are just about as opposite as two can get in our views of money priorities. MacGyver knows that a penny saved is a penny earned. He understands that if you buy something for less you save the difference. He also gets a little nervous when our spending creeps right up there around where our income is.

It's not that I don't agree with him. I do. I am so incredibly relieved that I have a husband who saves and sacrifices and hates the very notion of having debt. I am also ecstatic that MacGyver can fix ANYTHING. While the rest of you hire your electricians and plumbers and handymen I have my very own who works for free. It's okay to be a little jealous. And I'm not exaggerating - he can fix just about anything with a chocolate bar and a paper clip.

Maybe I was exaggerating a little. But just a little. A tiny bit.

So here I sit and wonder - what exactly are our financial goals? We are already debt free (thanks to MacGyver, NOT me.) But I just have to be really honest and say having four children does get a bit expensive. All of them like to eat. I didn't get the picky little skinny child who won't touch his dinner and seems to survive all day on a few ounces of apple juice and a chicken nugget. All of my children eat as much as I do - if not more. Well, I guess I can't say all my children. Number 4 hasn't entered the world of solid foods yet. But his day is coming soon, and it's only going to make grocery shopping within our budget that much harder. And because we are committed to eating healthy - it's a challenge. It seems like the price of food and clothes just escalates every month. Add to that diapers and pullups and all of those accouterments... it certainly adds up.

So I'm just going to make one simple goal in the area of my financial responsibility for this next year. I'm going to attempt to stay within our budget. I'm always running to MacGyver bemoaning the fact that the world has just gotten to expensive for our budget to work anymore. But enough is enough. I'm going to make it work.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Introductions

2010-06-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

Beauty is a good letter of introduction. - Proverb

You'll notice I like quotes. Partly because it means I can write less. Partly because I'm not as deep as I would like to be, and it makes me feel deeper to steal other's sentiments.

Unfortunately I am not the embodiment of this quote. I'm not the opposite of it, thankfully, but I'm definitely not the picture of beauty flawless and pure I wish I could be. SO I've chosen to use a picture of my grandmother when she was 16. Because she really was beautiful. And because not only I think so, as this picture was used on a magazine cover in the 40's.

So, in lieu of beauty, I will have to introduce my family another way. How about I just tell you about them? I'm going to call my husband "MacGyver." This is the best definition I can come up with that a large number of people will understand. He's actually more of a MacGyver/Mulder/Sully mix. And a dash of Mr. Darcy and Hamlet thrown in, just so you don't think I base all my character references on 90's TV characters. As for my children, they are pretty typical. My oldest daughter is 6 and could run this house herself if she needed to. She is a caretaker, a mother, her brain doesn't register sarcasm and I think she has enough empathy to feel every emotion on the planet. She is a little challenged in the matching clothes/brushing hair department but her natural beauty makes up for it. "A beautiful mess" as her aunt calls her. My second born is a realist. He feels that everything that has happened to him in his nearly 5 years is automatically unfair, of course, but he has a knack for summing up the heart of any issue and cares if someone else is sad, because he knows how it feels, I suppose. Then there's our third. There aren't quite words to describe our third. She's probably the smartest of the bunch at 2, and there's no mountain (or piece of furniture) she won't climb and no bully or fight she won't take on wholeheartedly. She's our entertainer and the only one of my children that honestly scares me a little. Then there's our fourth (and last?) who has to be the sweetest, cutest, easiest baby in the world. Although he's full of smiles and quite tolerant, he can be counted on to scream if he has to in order to have his needs met.

We also have a mentally challenged dog. He was a really cute puppy when we got him 9 years ago only a couple weeks after we got married, but I'm not sure the purpose he serves anymore besides the designated "throw up on the carpet" or "distribute hair over the entire house" individual. At those he's quite the pro. He can also be counted on to chew through wooden gates when there's a thunderstorm or when my second born plays with his rocket-shooter.

We live in an average sized house in an average neighborhood. We bought your average groceries and products and did all the expected things without thought until more recently, when both MacGyver and I wondered if we could do such monumental tasks such as change our health for the better, save for the future, raise truly happy and well adjusted children and maybe not leave such a messy footprint on this world with our allotted pile of garbage.

So this is our journey. And I hope yours. I'm reaching that point where I feel like this is just a stupid idea of mine that no one is going to read or take seriously. But here's my promise. Even if I never get a response or more than a follower or two, I'm going to make a difference in this family, in this home, in this body. And even if you don't want to join me, I hope you'll read and see what really matters when this year of experimentation is up. Because isn't part of being human and being alive to see what improvement we can make to fight all the things that make life difficult?

Deep breath. Here we go.

Because it Matters

2010-06-16T12:38:00.001-07:00

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out. - Sportscaster Jack Buck

A good blogger has all the answers. Right? If blogging is supposed to be done by brilliant philosophers who have figured everything out, I guess I should erase this attempt at a blog and keep dreaming. But if there's a chance someone with weeds in her lawn, messes in her closets and kids who didn't get their hair brushed today could offer anything of value, it can't hurt to give it a try.

The above quote intrigues me, because I want to know if it's really true. It sounds good, right? In fact, it's the way I've been trying to live for the past few years. It's easy to see the problems in a home, especially when you started out with such grand expectations of perfection. I would become the model wife - able to keep up with her looks even while giving birth to four children in six years, able to be a cheerful and happy spouse even while hormones swirl out of control within on a regular basis... yes, you get the picture. Probably because you've been there too. I'm sure I'm not the only less-than-perfect-looking, exceptionally hormonal wife and mother on the planet. But is there any way to improve every aspect of you and your family's life in a deliberate way? Can any family with so much to do and so many people and events to keep track of really make a positive change with lasting effects? Can I really make the best of it? Can you?

The Project begins. The categories of improvement will be finances, (you know, the never ending battle to decide what's more important - gas or food, vacation or charity, etc.) going green, (the what and why of things such as recycling, organics, and the almost insurmountable mountain of trying to live all-naturally... is it really worth it?) social lives, (all inclusive how can we improve every relationship in our life?) health, (is there any alternative to conventional medicine? is there any hope for true healthy living in this culture?) and finally, the spiritual. (Does it really make a difference to find faith and live it? Where does a family look for God? What does real faith look like and is it an impossible dream?)

I'll try to post once in each category a week for the next year. I shouldn't say try. As Jillian Michaels says "Trying is just planning to fail." Alright, Jillian, let me rephrase (she can't see my eyes rolling) (Please excuse my hostility as I started "30 Day Shred, Level 1" yesterday and I can't move without groaning in pain...) ... ANYWAY, I commit to post one time a week in each category for a total of 5 posts a week, and if I fail, if my hormones are swirling I may cry a little and then I will apologize and attempt to catch up despite the fact that I have FOUR CHILDREN...

Enough said. Now for your commitment. Become a follower, read my quandaries and decide what you'd like to try yourself. Let me know with your comments what you're working on and what you've found works great.

So don't make me feel like I'm the only one. Please post what you are thinking. Please let me know you're reading.

Back to a ridiculously busy life. We'll get started on those pesky economical problems tomorrow.